The Fault In Reality

Before

We're invincible. Nothing can touch us, not the wind in my eyes, not the ground at our feet, not the jumps in our way.

The air hints at caramel and molasses as we sail through it, the crowd cheers as we land. Only one more jump to go, an oxer that reminds me of a candy cane, with red and white chasing each other around its width.

Eclipse flicks a trembling ear towards me, swings her tail against my knee. I feel our rhythm falter, her hooves slip over each other.

I urge her on, press my heels into her sides and lean forwards, ready for us to leap our way to victory. Her mane lashes against my face as we hurtle into the air, except this time it's not graceful - not elegant, but instead fast and desperate. Her neck goes down, giving way to a view of her flailing feet. The ground falls away, and her sleek form is no longer beneath me. The next moment I'm studying the dust in my face, and pain is searing through every muscle in my body. Someone has set a fire inside me, and slowly it burns its way up my throat, ripping between my lips in a terrible scream.

I can hear Eclipse's desperate calls behind me. Feet and voices are everywhere, hands and blurred faces. It's all I can do to twist my throbbing head around and find the source of her pain.

The poles that made up the jump seconds before are lying splintered on the ground. Beside them is the form of a black horse, one that looks like Eclipse. But the way it's crumpled, like a used tissue, tells me all I need to know. That this is just the shell of her, that the real her is no longer here. Will never be again.

The tears that run down my face are hot and sticky. They seal my features into a mask of pain, trapping all the unspoken words and broken promises that linger on the tip of my tongue. My feet, as though of their own accord, begin to scramble at the ground, until they find purchase and unbend. The pain is nothing, the hands that try to restrain me are nothing. I am once more invincible, except now in a different sense. Nothing else matters. My stomach is hollow, my vision is blurred, my chest is constricted as tightly as though someone has taken my heart and tied it in knots. Suddenly all the little worries wash away, and I don't care about anything. Not my leg, twisted at an excruciating angle, not the cries of my mother, not the people trying to coax me onto a stretcher.

I just limp and push and cry my way to the body of Eclipse, and suddenly the tears stop. My nose feels cold, my fingers stiff, the pain overwhelms me. I'm as dry and dead as Eclipse in the dust.