Does It Matter? (boyxboy) Intro

Does It Matter? (boyxboy) part 7

sorry it took so long but it hope you like this next part

pic og Tanner - logan lerman

Song - Mumford and Sons ~ Sigh no more

Jessie’s POV

At school the following day I felt…off. I couldn’t concentrate in first or second period. All through English Tanner avoided eye contact with me. I wanted to yell at him for ignoring me after what he said the other day. To tell him that he was being childish if he though avoiding me was the answer.

It wasn’t that he said that he wasn’t my boyfriend, it was the way he said it. Like the thought of being my boyfriend was disgusting. My reaction to what Tanner said may have seemed over dramatic but not to me. We had never officially become boyfriend and well boyfriend, but when we kissed I knew he felt something.

I knew that for normal circumstances our ‘relationship’ was moving at a fast pace. I just couldn’t help it, for someone who has never found anyone attractive, I wasn’t willing to waste time.

When the bell for lunch rang I was grateful, I needed time to think about what to do next. Move on? Approach Tanner? Instead I went straight for the cafeteria. I found my table were my fellow football players and cheerleaders were waiting. I sat beside Stephen, I smiled thinking it funny. Tanner’s brother’s name was Stephan and Stephen happens to be my best friend’s name.

“‘Sup Jessie” Stephen said. I threw my bag on the floor by my feet.

“Not much, same old I guess” I replied. I did a quick scan of the cafeteria to try and find Tanner. I didn’t see him but that was probably because he usually goes out for lunch. I continued to sweep the room for him anyway.

“Jessie who are ya looking for?” Natalie asked. she was clearly upset she wasn’t getting enough attention. I looked at all my friends.

“Sorry guys and girls but I gotta go” I said picking my bag back up and standing.

“Well were the hell are you going?” they asked.

“Uh Tanner” I said before running into the crowd of people buying lunch.

“Wait Tanner the gay one?” I could hear Stephen yell after me, but I ignored him. I walked around scanning every table. I noticed Melody sitting at a table at the very back with the boy Lewis and another blond guy but there was no Tanner. I walked up to them.

“Where’s Tanner?” I asked Melody. All three of them looked up at me in shock except for the blond. In fact he glared at me like I was an enemy or something.

“Oh uh he’s at the green house, some meeting I think” Melody said.

“Why do you wanna know were tanner is?” The blond asked in an aggressive voice.

“Jack shut it” Lewis whispered to him. “Excuse him please” Lewis said smiling at me.

“Do you need help finding the greenhouse?” melody asked.

“No I should be fine” I said and turned towards the door. How could I forget were me and Tanner had our first kiss? I easily found it at the back of the school garden. I looked through the windows but I couldn’t see anyone.

I opened the door, it was unlocked. I walked quietly down the aisles of plants. I didn’t hear any talking. I found that weird since there was supposed to be a meeting. I turned the corner and almost tripped over Tanner. He was crouched on the floor with his head buried in his shirt. He looked up at me and immediately covered his face again. That’s when I noticed his red eyes and tears.

Bent down in front of him and put a hand out. He flinched and tried to pull away.

“Tanner I’m not going to try anything” I said. He relaxed and I pulled the shirt from his face, he looked away from me. “I’m sorry if I made you upset Tanner.” Immediately he looked at me with almost panic.

“No Jessie it’s not your fault” he said in a shaky voice.

“Then what is it?” I asked.

“I told myself yesterday that I was going to tell you everything about my past so you’d understand but...Then I started remembering and I...I just...” he started tearing again. To make him cry it must have been something serious.

“What about your past?” I asked again.

“Tyler, the reason I’ve been afraid. The reason I didn’t want a boyfriend”

“Tanner what did Tyler do to you?”

“He… he invited me to a party. The one they had to celebrate their tournament victory.” I had been at the party, it was at Tyler’s house, lots of people, booze drugs you name it.

“He still hadn’t told anyone that we were going out, I wanted to confront him about it at the party. When I got there it was already maybe an hour in to the party, Tyler had obviously been drinking. He came to and asked if I wanted to go upstairs, I was naïve being much younger.”

“I thought he just wanted alone time, he brought me to his room. He pushed me on the bed and tore off my clothes. I got scared, I didn’t want that, I wasn’t ready. I asked and begged him to stop. He said that it was my fault for thinking he’d wait. No matter how much I begged, he didn’t even prepare me. He just started and I cried and cried but he wouldn’t stop.”

Tanner started to tear up more and they spilled over. “After he was done he left me, naked, torn, broken, bleeding and scared. He told me he couldn’t be with someone who was a guy, he said that he wanted sex and if I couldn’t do it he would find someone who could”

Tanner completely broke down sobbing. I felt tears sting my eyes to. I grabbed him and pulled him towards me, I put his head on my chest and he curled his tiny body on my lap. I held him till his tears stopped.

“Did you tell anyone?” I asked.

“The only ones I told were my brothers, but not till a year later. I told them going to the police was useless and that I’d be okay. They didn’t believe me but I forced the memory back. I pushed it to the very back of my mind till I totally forgot. But every once in a while I remember”

“Tanner, I need you to know that I will never hurt you. You might not believe me and after what you went through. I like you and some people don’t believe in love at first sight because it’s cheesy. I have never felt like this for someone like I do for you.”

Tanner looked up at me. “Jessie, I’m sorry for making you so mad, I mean what I said was really un-called for.”

“Hey um Tanner?”

“Yea?”

“Could I be your boyfriend?”

“Alright but be prepared”

“Prepared for what?”

“Your friends aren’t exactly going to be understanding” he said.

“Well I couldn’t give a fuck what they think” I said and bent down to kiss him.