He Desired The Most- COMPLETED

Kabanata 19

Kabanata 19

Question

I sighed and looked away.

"You left me because you followed Diesdan, right?" Aiden spat angrily, breaking the serene silence that was growing between us. Nanatili akong tahimik at pinanatiling walang emosyon ang mukha ko.

Marahas na ang paghinga ni Aiden, at para na ring tambol ang dibdib ko dahil sa halo-halong nararamdaman.

"After what he did to you, you still like him!" dagdag nito. Bahagya rin itong natawa ng nakaka-insulto.

I want to shut him up. I want to ask him too, but I'm too scared that he might know the truth.

"Why are you asking me like that? It's been so long since we had a connection, Aiden. Does my answer matter to you all this time?" I fired back.

He has a freakish smile and looks so annoyed because of what I said.

I know that he needed it, pero para saan pa? Mukha naman siyang masaya at kontento na sa buhay. Bakit kailangan niya pang ungkatin ang nakaraan? Can't we just leave it there and move on and focus on what's in front of us? Focus on the future without hatred?

Sa mga nagdaang taon, all I want to do is let my heart be free. And for me to do it, I should never expect anything from him anymore. I should never demand. I should never assume, because I know my limits. I know where to stand. I know my role. I don't need to get affected, get jealous nor gets paranoid. I just want to go with the flow. I choose to smile despite all the problems I'm facing and stay positive in life.

Kasi ako lang din ang mahihirapan sa huli. Ako lang din ang magsasakripisyo. Ako lang din ang masasaktan.

"It matters to me, Halia!" Aiden's voice roared and he clenched his jaw.

Napapikit ako.

I was startled a little because I knew I couldn't handle myself enough. I know in a minute from now I will cry out loud like a wounded cat.

"You made me fall and desire you... but you desired my brother! You're just fooling me."

I choked back my tears. I don't want to cry in front of him! Gusto kong patunayan sa kanya na hindi ako mahina. Kahit alam ko sa sarili ko na mali ako roon.

Aiden is arrogant. But seeing him right now, broken and a mess, breaks my heart even more. He looks so devastated.

"Am I the one who's just fooling around, Aiden?" I grin at him, naalala ang ilang ulit na pagkakita ko rito kasama ang iba't-ibang babae.

I will never allow someone to be my priority while allowing myself to be their option. I will never allow Aiden to do that to me!

Minsan ko nang naranasan 'yan kay Johann, at pinagsisihan ko iyon na nagbubulag-bulagan ako. Kaya sisiguraduhin kong hindi ko na ulit papayagan ang sarili kong maranasan ulit 'yon.

I know my worth, kaya ipaglalaban ko iyon!

I look at Aiden furiously with a smug smile on my face.

"How many times do I need to see you with different women for me to realize that you're just playing around, Aiden?" naghahamong tanong ko. Aiden remained silent.

"That you are owned by every woman, not just here?" Agad nanikip ang dibdib ko dahil sa sinabi ko. "Masaya ka ba sa ginagawa mo? Kasi sa nakikita ko, sobra ei... sobrang saya mo na marami kang nalolokong mga babae... kaya kung sa tingin mo na naloko kita." Pagak akong natawa. Hindi ako makapaniwala kung sakaling naloko ko man siya.

Nagkibit ako ng balikat at nginisihan si Aiden.

"Well, amanus na tayo," I spat in my raging anger. "We're even."

I confidently stand and pick my things up. I even flashed a smile at Aiden, who is now parting his lips.

I need to leave... wala akong planong magtagal at makipagsagutan sa kanya. Kasi sa tingin ko hindi ko kakayanin... kasi masakit pa rin. At ayaw kong malaman niya ang totoong nararamdaman ko. Ayaw kong malaman niya na niloloko ko lang ang sarili ko para mapagtakpan ang totoong nararamdaman ko.

When I was abroad, I always wondered how he was doing. I always wonder if he's still wearing the perfume, which lasts a long time even if he sweats bullets because of work. I always wonder if he's still the Aiden I knew for four winters, because I can't get him off of my mind.

I always thought that he probably found his felicity in the presence of spring... and it always pained me.

I was about to go when Aiden held my hand at naglakad palabas ng restau.

I wanted to protest, but the warmth I'm feeling right now just because his skin brushed against mine stopped me. I wanted to feel his warmth. I craved him. All this time, it's been him I've always wanted to be with.

I remain silent inside Aiden's sports car. Aiden ran his fingers through his hair and shut his eyes tightly.

I don't know where we're going, but I didn't ask him. I want to clear things up too, for the sake of Harden and me.

Siguro naman, may pamilya na rin ito sa Manila. Maybe it's his ego that can't accept the fact that I left without telling him.

I look around, checking the whole place, pagkalabas ko pa lang ng sasakyan. This place is not familiar to me. Ngayon pa lang ako napadpad dito.

Kung sabagay, I've been here in Isla Grande for almost eight months, only at hindi ako madalas namamasyal sa malalayong lugar. Tanging sa Island Grand Falls, Shandens Bar, sa trabaho at apartment lang umiikot ang buhay ko noon.

Sometimes I regret that I just stayed like that, feeling content with what I did. If I only explored more before, maybe I could meet another man with whom I fell in love. 'Yong lalaking alam kong kontento sa akin. At kung hindi ko lang siguro si Aiden nakilala, siguro masaya ako kay Deisdan. Or maybe hindi rin kung hindi talaga kami para sa isa't-isa.

"I have only two questions for you, Halia." Nag-angat ako ng tingin kay Aiden. My heart is pounding so fast.

Nandito kami ngayon sa veranda ng mansion na pinuntahan namin. I don't know who owns this house. Nakatalikod si Aiden sa akin habang nakahawak sa barandilya, nakatanaw sa madilim na karagatan.

It's almost nine in the evening, and I'm a bit worried about Harden. Aiden turned to face me. Walang bahid na kahit anong emosyon sa mukha nito.

I shiver because of the cold wind that kisses my skin. Ang lamig ng boses ni Aiden ay mas lalong pinalamig ng tahimik na gabi. It's scary, but in a good way.

"Answer me with the truth, and after that... I'll leave you alone. I won't bother you anymore," saad ulit nito.

Nanatili akong tahimik. Mas lalo akong kinabahan dahil sa sobrang seryosong boses nito. And... he'll leave me alone after this confrontation?

Katangahan man ang isiping nasasaktan ako dahil sa sinabi ni Aiden ay wala na akong pakialam. Kasi iyon mismo ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Bakit naman ako masasaktan, e hindi ba ito naman ang gusto ko? Ang pabayaan niya kami ni Harden, at huwag nang guluhin pa.

Pero kahit anong saway ang gawin ko sa sarili ko, hindi ko pa rin kayang ipagkaila ang katotohanang... nasasaktan nga ako.

I looked away when Aiden's eyes landed on mine.

"Do you really love my brother?"