i don't know what came over me. i'm not sure if i even like ethan, he just looked so sleepy and cuddly. i thought he was asleep. if i had known he was awake, it would've never happened. we're just friends. besides, it would break grays heart.
i had always known grayson was into me. ever since we were kids. we couldn't get enough of each other. i'm not saying i'm head over heels for him, but i enjoy his company.
but i also enjoy ethan's company. there was something starting to grow in me. ethan looked so gentle in that moment.
grayson made me feel comfortable, stable and like it was right.
but what if right was wrong? what if i wanted something that was wrong, but it was so right? what if i wanted something that always kept me guessing, always on my toes.
what if etha-
stop thinking emma.
i invited grayson over. i panicked. i knew he would make me feel like everything was okay. nothing happened.
ethan looked so torn though. i could see in his eyes he didn't regret one second of our make out session. but i couldn't. i knew we shouldn't. we could be destroying something good.
or making it better. OMFG STOP THINKING.
i hear a knock on my apartment door. grayson. i race downstairs, flinging open the door and embracing him. he didn't even ask, just hugged me back. grayson knee i would tell him when i was comfortable.
which was going to be never.
we talked about nothing and everything. it was all back to normal.
but why did i feel so wrong. like i wasn't where i needed to be?
"what's going on in there emmy?" gray asks me, tapping on my head smiling. he's always been so sweet.
"oh nothing raisin." i reply, sighing. i put a smile on my face. acting like everything was okay.
like i always do.
"let's watch a movie!!" i cringe inwardly. me and ethan just-
"WE CAN WATCH THE CONJURING!!" he exclaims, jumping over my couch and looking for the movie disc.
god help me.
"it's upstairs gray," he looks at me confused, " i watched it last night. i was feeling brave." the lie rolled right off my tongue.
i felt gross.
he just nodded, smiling. he runs upstairs. "be right back emmo."
i made a face. that was what ethan called me. only ethan.
we watched the movie cuddled up together. i glance over during the movie to see if he's looking at me or not.
he's completely infatuated with whatever is on his phone.
completely different from ethan.
"HEY" he shouts suddenly, scaring the shit out of me.
i throw a pillow at his head, "what was that for asshat?"
"we're having a bonfire at my house. and by we, i mean me and e. we should go after the movie!" he suggests, looking at me with puppy dog eyes. it was so hard for me to say no when he looked like that.
but ethan...
"sure" is all i say. i didn't want to upset gray, he was one of my best friends and i couldn't just stop talking to ethan.
