heyyyyy guys lol. sorry i haven't posted in a while. was feeling down and unmotivated, but i thought i could get this chapter done. i think it's alright.
but smut warning lmao.
love you all, enjoy <3
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ethan.
the boy who i always over looked, underestimated , and never took the time to get to know who he truly was. all i knew was a portion of what i know now. ethan is rough around the edges, not wanting to show how gentle and warm-hearted he is. that he's an amazing cook, and he would talk recipes and bake with you all day. that he loved to encourage his friends, even if he needed it the most. he always puts others above him.
there was a time, however, when it seemed all that shut off. a year or two ago, he started to drink. a lot. started to go to parties, hit on girls, and end up taking them home for the night. the girls would sneak out in the morning, and he would pretend everything was fine. the next night, a new girl. i didn't know where my ethan went. what happened to him.
turns out it was me. i was the reason he shut down.
i took ethan for granted. i was always hanging out with grayson, forgetting the other twin. we left him out. grayson sometimes would invite ethan, he did love his twin.
i always shut it down though, saying ethan would sour the mood. i thought me and grayson were the only people in the world, leaning on him since my parents left.
then one night ethan was passed out in his bathroom.
i went over that night to the twins house to hang with grayson, but he was out running errands, which i didn't know at the time, and e was the only one home.
he wasn't moving. i suspected he was just out drunk, then i saw the pills spilled out on the counter.
i remember the feeling of air leaving my lungs. my legs numb. i had tunnel vision.
the feeling of complete and utter despair. the feeling of the world stopping and swallowing me whole.
i shake my head, trying to shake off the bad memory. the one i could never forget. i will never forgive myself. i should've been more observant. more caring. i should've been there for ethan.
i'm a fuck up. i always was. i will always be. ethan is too good for me.
"em." ethan pats my leg, glancing at me quickly, concern written over his face. he could tell i was starting to panic.
"yeah?" i ask, looking at him even though he stares at the road. my leg bounces from anxiety. i don't know what i'm anxious about, but it seems ever since that day, i've always been stressed. never knowing what could happen next.
scared of what's to come. scared of the future.
ethan smiles warmly, reaching his right hand to put it into mine. i relax at his touch, smiling to myself. he always knew how to calm me down.
we drive for a few more minutes, then ethan pulls off onto a trail that leads into some trees. i get a bit confused about where we could possibly be going, but ethan just smiles pushing through the woods.
then we emerge from the path of trees, and there is the ocean. the sun hitting the water, making it sparkle. the sky pink and orange, with many colors in between from the setting sun. it was breathtaking.
