After The Road Trip

16

It's been 6 months. I am 8 months pregnant and in one of the lowest points in my life. Every night I've cried myself to sleep. Just praying Emma will come back. I don't want her back but I miss her so much. My kids are worried and I hate it. It's midnight now and naturally I'm sobbing my heart out into my pillow.

"I hate you" I sobbed as I referred to the image of Emma in my mind.

I cried into my pillow as I knew I'd wake someone in the house. My hands wrapped around my pregnant stomach that was so big for how far along I am. I know my stress isn't good but my heart is so broken. My bedroom door then opened. I looked round to see Roni walked over to me. She climbed into my bed and put her arm over me. I still had my back to her and rested my head down.

"It's ok mum. It's ok" Roni whispered as she soothed my stomach to keep the baby calm.

"I'm sorry I woke up" I softly said as I try so hard to hold as many of my tears in.

"I was already awake" Roni said as she shook her head at me apologizing.

"I miss her. I hate her though" I said as I placed my hand over my daughter's and look at my soaked pillow.

"I know mum. What she did was a dick move. Just try and sleep. You know you and the baby need it" Roni softly said as she cuddled more into me to sooth me.

"I know mi hija. Thank you" I replied as I closed my eyes and allowed a few more tears to slip out on the way.

I slowly fell asleep still crying until I did. I hate this so much. I'm never not thinking about Emma. Even when I'm dreaming I'm dreaming about her. I have no idea why. That girl really broke me. The next morning I woken up to a sicky feeling in my throat. I then felt it racing to my mouth causing me to rush as fast as my swollen ankles would let me. I made it just in time to throw up into the toilet.

"You good ma" Roni asked as she came walking towards me very tired.

"Ye" I started but puked even more into the toilet. Roni held my hair back like usual and rubbed my back to get it all out. None of my pregnancy have been this bad. I've had morning sickness through the whole thing and I'm sick after everything I eat. I finally stopped and wiped my mouth from the foul taste. "Thanks Roni" I said just before I flushed the toilet to get rid of the smell.

"It's alright ma. You need a hand up" Roni asked as she already knew the answer like routine.

"Please" I replied as I held my hand out to my daughter.

She took it and helped pull me off the floor. I sighed at how much effort that was just to stand. I went over to the sink and filled up the glass next to it. Taking a mouthful and swirling it around my mouth.

"I swear it wasn't this bad with the other three" Roni questioned as she though back to her siblings being born.

"It wasn't and neither were you. It's this little shit that hates me" I replied once I'd spit the water out of my mouth.

"Well if it makes you feel better. I don't ever plan on getting pregnant" Roni said with a chuckle as I've always told her not to copy me by having a baby young.

"Can you go wake your siblings up for me please? I'll brush my teeth and go make your lunches" I asked with a kind smile as I put toothpaste on my brush.

"Of course" Roni replied while heading towards the bathroom door.

I began brushing my teeth knowing it's the best way to get the taste out my mouth. Ever since Emma left Roni is so much more helpful and less argumentative. All the kids are to be fair. I know it's because they feel sorry for me but at least it's made my pregnancy a little easier. Once my teeth were brushed I put a dressing gown on and headed downstairs. I saw Liam and Billie sat there already dressed.

"It's unlike you two to be the first ready" I questioned looking at my youngest with confusion.

"I got dressed super super fast mummy" Liam excitedly said with his loud voice he uses when happy.

"Mummy's proud" I said tensing at the volume level this early in the morning.

I made all the lunches like I do every morning. My feet are really killing me today. As I placed the final bag on the counter I sighed in exhaustion. The door then knocked.

"I got it" amber called out from the hall.

I began walked out the kitchen and towards the lounge. Already knowing it's Ethan at the door. He takes the kids to school every day because I can't drive anymore.

"Hey Regina. How you feeling" Ethan asked in his patronising voice that showed he felt sorry for me.

"Ow fuck off" I huffed as I carried on walking towards the lounge.

"Mum!" Amber warned knowing it's my hormones playing up again.

"I know. I'm sorry. My feet hurt" I sighed not even bothering to look round to any of them.

I slouched onto the sofa and closed my eyes. Feeling very tired from my restless sleep. Ethan stood in the doorway with a brown paper bag. There was grease leaking from the bottom. I didn't care what it was. It was greasy and I wanted it.

"Sausage and egg muffin" he said as he played it down next to me with a small smile.

"Thank you so much. Sorry I said fuck off. I hate being pregnant" I replied with a smile as I opened the bag and smelt the goods.

"It's alright. You weren't exactly an angel with the others. I'll see you later when I drop them off" he said with his handsome smile before leaving the room.

I know I'm mean to everyone at the moment but I'm allowed. I pulled the muffin out the bag and smiled brightly for the first time in god knows how long. I took a large bite and let a little greasy run down my cheek. I'd never let anyone catch me doing this. After three or four bites I felt sick again and rushed to the toilet. This is my life now. I threw up loads before heading back to the sofa to finish my breakfast. No point wasting. I then heard my phone go off. I looked to see Roni messaged.

Roni: ow I forgot to say. I found that little white bag you asked for. The one Ryder said to get. It's on the first place x

I forgot about that. I went to the fire place and pick it up. It was a jewelry bag. I opened it up and saw a engagement ring. Mums engagement ring. She had claimed it went missing not long before they died. Ryder must have stole it. I instantly knew he wanted me to give it to Emma. My eyes filled with tears and let them fall. That bitch!