Tiger Lillies (TodoDeku) (Depressed Deku)

Part 6

I sit up and stretch in the bed, it now being empty. My head was killing me and my body ached a bit. God, what the hell? Memories of last night slowly come back to me. We most definitely were more than just friends. Damn. I got up and slid on my clothes from the night before. Todoroki was no where to be found in the house. He texted me that he had gone on a little grocery store trip and would return later. Okay, I'll manage until then. I fill the cat's bowl, him rubbing against my legs as I do so before chowing down. I pet his soft fur. What a precious baby. I go to my room and grab out a small case and bring it to the bathroom with me. I kept my toothbrush in it, as well as a few other things in the slots. I brush my teeth, looking at myself in the mirror. Disgusting. Ugly. You look terrible. You should be ashamed. He will judge you. I shook head, trying to shake my thoughts and focus on brushing my teeth. I finished and my eyes strayed back to the mirror. I stood on my tippy toes, turning to the side and lifting my shirt a bit. Fat. Ugly. No one wants to see that. I slide a hand down my stomach. Mistake. You're a mistake. Nobody wants you. You're a toy. I ran a hand through my hair before placing it on the sink top, letting my shirt fall back down. Disgusting. Hideous. Unlovable. Unwanted. I squeeze my eyes shut, resisting the urge to go against my word. Just kill yourself already. I look over at my small bag and unzip it, reaching into the slots. I go into the first slot and pull out a new blade. I havent used this one before. I hold it to my wrist, shaking, trying to resist. Drawing crimson with silver. I draw the blade against my wrist. I didnt what I told Todoroki I wouldn't do. You failure. You liar. 1 cut. 2 cuts. 3 cuts, 4. 8 cuts, 10 cuts, 12 cuts, more. Only one wrist tonight. 12 turned into 15 and 15 turned into 20. I got up to 34, actually. I just couldn't stop. I-I couldn't stop. Damn it, blood was dripping into the sink. I run water, watching the blood rinse down. Damn it. I rinse off the blade and put it away, decided to call it quits for today. I zip up my case and put it to the side looking at my wrist, and then to the mirror. Nobody wants a broken toy. I used toilet paper and kept trying to clean up my arm a bit. I kept doing that for what seemed to be forever until it finally stopped bleeding so much it was running down my arm. I go in my room, bringing my bag with me and put it away. I open my drawer and get out an ace bandage, carefully wrapping it around my arm. It hurt a bit, but it would prevent the blood seeping through onto my clothes. I got changed, putting on a thin tank top and an all might hoodie. I then changed my boxers and put on black jeans. I went back into the bathroom and cleaned up a bit, cleansing the evidence. Todoroki cant find out. He'll hate you if he finds out. Even more than he already does. Shut up. My head is pounding. I open the medicine cabinet and take two ibuprofen with a bottle of water. I make my way to the kitchen and open the fridge. You're fat. I close the door and go sit down on the couch in the living room, turning on the tv. I watch the first show on, Will and Grace. I relax, pulling a blanket over myself as Ares laid in my lap. I pet him, continuing to watch the show.
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"Hey, sleepyhead!" I open my eyes to see Todoroki, carrying in a few bags. When did I fall asleep? "Hey. Do you need help?" I ask, stretching. "Nah, I got it. I only got a few bags." I nod, petting Ares. "What time is it?" "Oh uh it's about 3." I stand up, picking up Ares and bringing him to the kitchen with me. I place him down before helping Todoroki put away a few groceries. I go to put a box of mac and cheese in the cabinet as I feel Todoroki come up behind me, leaning into me and pulling me by my waist. His warmth was amazing. I giggle and put the box away, closing the cabinet. I turn around and face him, his body still on mine. A light pink brushes my cheeks. He smiles and leans in, kissing me softly for about 5 or 6 seconds. My whole face turns immensely red. He just smirks at me, "you should get used to that. I wont be asking for permission anymore." He backs away and grabs a can of cherry dr pepper. "Want one?" he asks me. "Sure," I say, still a bit frozen. He hands me a can. Soda makes you fat. I put the can down on the counter and follow him into the living room. "I thought I gave you a can?" "Oh, yeah, uh I wasnt really that thirsty so I put it on the counter for later." Lies. He raises an eyebrow but then turns back to the tv, patting the spot next to him. I sit next to him, leaning on him slightly. "You seem less energetic today. Do you feel sick? Have you eaten?" He feels my head. "Oh, I'm fine. I ate some cereal earlier before I fell asleep on the couch." He nods. You're such a liar. How many times are you going to lie? My thoughts eat me alive. "How about I make us something to eat?" Todoroki suggests. You're so fat. Eat more and nobody will want you. "I'm not that hungry right now, but you can go ahead and make yourself something," I respond with a smile. He nods and turns back to the tv, placing an arm around me. I guess maybe he wasnt that hungry. After a few episodes of Will and Grace reruns, he sits up. "I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom. It must be about 5 or so by now. We spent most the day watching tv, or well, I did. Todoroki went shopping. I would have gone with him if he woke me up. I would've paid too, making myself useful for once. Todoroki comes out of the bathroom after a minute or two and heads to the kitchen, grabbing us both a can of soda. He holds one out to me. "Oh, no thank you." He holds it closer. "I wasn't asking." I take it and he sits back next to me, opening his. I hold my can to my lap. More calories? No thanks. Todoroki turns and looks at me. "Drink it, Izuku." "Oh I dont really want-" "drink it." I shake my head. He gets up and stands in front of me. "Izuku, why are you not drinking it?" "I'm not thirsty." "Dont you lie to me. Why wont you drink it?" You'll be fat if you drink it. You're already fat enough. "I just dont want it," I say, accidentally getting an attitude. "Izuku drink it," he says, still using a calm tone. "No." "Please?" I turn away, "I said no." He leans back a bit and kneels down, sitting on his legs. Dont drink more. You worthless fat fuck. Nobody loves you. You weigh too much. "Hey Midoriya?" He asks in a soft tone. I turn to look at him. Ugly pig. He doesnt want you. He wants to use you. What purpose do you serve. Fat ass. "What did you have to eat today?" Nothing. You had nothing and deserve nothing, but go ahead, lie to him some more. What did I tell him I ate? I couldn't think straight. "Midoriya? What did you eat?" "Uhh eggos. Ya know the waffles." Shit, that wasnt right. "I fucking knew it." He stood up and grabbed my hand. "Earlier you said cereal, were you lying to me? Did you eat today?" I turned away from him. "Look at me, did you eat today?" He said, his voice no longer soft and back to his normal monotone tone. He used his hand and turned my face to his, "Did you eat today?" His voice was louder. "No," I whisper, immediately turning my head away again. You lied to him. You're such a pathetic liar. "Why did you lie to me?!" He let go of my hand and stood a foot away. I kept my head turned away, red with shame. "Izuku Midoriya, WHY DID YOU NOT EAT?" I stayed still, tears threatening to spill as I held them back. Todoroki sighed. "I didnt mean to yell. I'm sorry." He tried to place a hand on mine but I moved away. "Please, come with me," he requested. I stood up and followed him into the kitchen, sitting down. You're so stupid. He opened the cabinet and brought out the box of mac and cheese and began to boil some water. As the water boils he walks over to me. I refused to look at him. I wasnt mad at him for raising his voice, I just knew that if I looked at him I would let my walls fall down and I would cry. He tried to place his hand on mine again, and I moved my hands away, placing them on my lap. He looked down slightly and went back to the stove. I sat in silence as he made the food, as did he. We didnt say a word to each other. When he finished, he let it sit for a minute and put some into a small bowl. He mixed it around in the bowl a bit, letting it cool down a little. He placed it infront of me with a fork in it. "Eat it," he said in his normal tone. I didn't respond and kept looking away. "Izuku, please eat it." His voice became slightly softer and a bit shakey. He went on his knees and placed his hands on my lap, grabbing my hands in his, not letting go. "Izuku, please, just eat. For me?" I finally looked at him to see tears forming, not yet falling. His voice was breaking as he said that and he tried to use a soft tone. I couldn't bare to see him like this. He lets go and sits on the floor, leaning his back against the cabinet, taking a deep breath. "Okay," I say, barely comprehensible. He watched me as I pick up a forkful of the food, staring at it for a bit. You fat pig. You couldn't even think right you dumb fuck and now you're going to be fat. Nobody loves you now, what makes you think they'll love you then? My hand was shakey. I felt a pair of arms wrap around me as Todoroki places a light kiss on my head. "Please." I hold back my thoughts and put the fork in my mouth and eat the mac and cheese, my throat almost rejecting allowance for it to go down. I force it down. "Thank you," he whispers, still holding onto me as I eat. He didnt let go until I finished the whole bowl. It was about 1/3 of the box. You piece of shit. Are you happy now? You overweight cow. Todoroki takes the bowl and fork away and washes them. I continue to sit there, staring at the table. He returns back over to me, kneeling next to me. "Why didnt you want to eat or drink anything?" He used his softest tone, one which was so innocent. I didnt answer. He placed his hand back on mine, "please, tell me." Tears began to form again. Go on, tell him how broken you are. Tell him of your worthlessness. Tell him all about how you cant even keep your shit together for more than a day. "I-I didnt want to eat. I didn't want to gain weight," I admit, a few tears escaping. He stands up and hugs me, pulling my head into his shoulder. I tightly grab the back of his shirt. "My Izuku, you arent fat if that's what you think." I buried my head deeper. "You are perfect the way you are. In fact, if anything, you need to put on a few pounds. You're clearly a bit underweight. You have been, I noticed that even when I caught you. Please, don't do this to yourself. Just eat normally. Eat what you want when you want. Dont worry about your weight or you'll always be worried. Please, I beg you, please just eat regularly." I felt him practically plead. I was a mess. I was crying but only a little bit. I was glad he wasnt, but tears were starting to form. "Okay. I will. I promise. For you." He held me tighter. "Thank you." He kissed the side of my head. He let go and wiped a few of my tears away. He took my hand as I stood up and we went back into the living room. "Hey, why don't we do something fun? To get our minds off things? Just like a simple game?" I suggested. "What do you have in mind?" I thought of games we could play in the house. A bit childish, but I suggested Hide and Seek. Todoroki liked the idea though and I counted to 30 as he hid. "... 28. 29, 30! Ready or not, here I come!" I sounded like a 5 year old. First, search the kitchen. I checked under the table, he wasnt there. I checked all around. No sign of him here. I moved on to the bathroom. I checked behind the shower curtain, behind the door nothing. I continued to search the house up and down when I decide to get real silent. When people are trying to be quiet, they usually unintentionally get louder with their breathing. I waited. He had to be somewhere in his room. I checked under the bed. There was no way anyone could fit under there anyway. I checked around the dresser and I was about to leave until I heard the breathing again. That sneaky son of a- "found you!" I screamed, opening the closet door to find him crouched down inside. "Damn, you did." I helped him up, "you spend a lot of your time in the closet huh?" I laughed a bit and he playful shoved my arm, "yeah yeah, whatever. You're turn. 1, 2, 3,-" I ran around a bit, not knowing where to go. Then, I decided. "Ready or not, here I come!" I hear Todoroki as I slid myself behind the thin gap between the couch and the wall. Sadly, he found me in about a minute because he checked the living room first. "Are you stuck?" He asks me. I heave myself up and out of the slot, "nope, I'm fine." He giggles. I cover my eyes and he runs off. "1, 2, 3." Here we were, two adults, playing hide and seek. I hope we never grow up. I searched his room first. No sign of him. The kitchen? Nope. Living room? Nada. Wait, the bathroom maybe? I slowly creak open the door. He wasnt behind it. I pretend as if I left and then slowly tiptoed over to the shower curtain, hearing muffled laughter. I never would have heard it if I wasnt right here. 3, 2, 1, "RAHH!" I yell at him, causing him to scream bloody murder and almost slip. I nearly pissed myself from laughter. "That was NOT funny!" he whined. "You're right. It was HILARIOUS!" I could barely speak I was laughing so hard as I dragged him back out to the living room. He sat on the couch and covered his eyes, counting. "1,2,3," I bolted into the bathroom. I saw this spot earlier, and I thought it would work. I go into the closet (returning back to my home [sorry for the gay jokes I'm just too gay]) and slowly begin to pull myself up onto the shelves. I decided to go to the highest one. There were a few things on it, but I bet there was room for me. The top shelf was hard to see and it was blocked by the doorframe, so it was perfect! And it was dark. That part wasnt 100 percent desirable, but I didnt mind. I slow my breathing by focusing on calm thoughts while I hear Todoroki's footsteps approaching the bathroom. He checks behind the door, then behind the shower curtain. I heard him getting closer as I saw the top of this head check in the closet. But, he didnt look up and he left. What a dumbass lmao. I laid there silently for about 5 minutes. 5 minutes became 7 minutes and 7 minutes became 10 before I heard Shoto's voice. "Midoriya? I can't find you. I give up, please come out!" I laugh. I won. I was in a tight squeeze but I inch my way forward. My sleeve got caught on something so I pulled it away, but I guess I pulled a little too hard as I heard a ripping sound as I hit the floor, practically busting my ass more than it already hurt. "Fuck," I groan in pain, laying there for a moment. "Izuku! Are you okay?!" Todoroki asks, bursting into the bathroom. "Yeah I'm fine, just fell a bit that's all." He nods and holds out his hand to help me up. I without thinking take his hand and instead of pulling me up, he just stands there, staring at my arm. My sleeve was torn and the bandage had blood stains all over it. I looked back at his face to find nothing but horror as I yank my arm back and hold my sleeve closed. Shit. Shit shit shit. Fuck. Look what you've done, you stupid bitch. Im so fucking screwed. You cant do anything right, can you? You cant even play a simple child's game. Useless. "I-izuku? Honey?" Shit. I looked up at him and I meet his eyes. They were filled with sadness and a mix of worry or fear or regret maybe? Shit. "Why do you have that on your arm?" His soft tone was shakey. "I dont know," I mumble, not knowing what to say. "Dont lie to me. Is it what I think it is?" I stayed silent. He yanked my arm and tore off the face bandage to reveal my arm, looking at it in horror. You disgust him. He hates you. You lied to him. "T-todo?" I barely manage out, scared from his frozen state. "You- you told me you would try to stop." He stood there, not moving anything but his mouth. "Todo-" "YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDN'T DO IT! YOU SAID YOU WOULD STOP!" His head snapped towards me, his eyes already filled with tears. Look what you did. You failure. You did this to him. It's your fault. I look down. I didnt know if I was was scared or if I was upset, I had no fucking clue. He threw my arm back at me and ran out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind him. I can't believe this. Good job, you did the only thing you know how to do. Be a disappointment. Nobody wants you. How could they? I bring my knees to my face and tightly wrap my arms around them, laying my head down. You fucking failure. I sit there and sob, alone, in the bathroom. What have I done? I sat there for what seemed like forever. Turned out it was only an hour. I pull out my phone, finally being able to stop crying long enough to call someone. I press call and let the phone ring, holding it to my ear, begging she'll pick up. "Riiing. Riiing. Riii-" "Midoriya? Hey, what's up why are you calling this late? Is everything okay?" I try my best to bring my voice to speak, just managing out a few squeaks. "Breathe. Take a deep breath. It's okay. I'm here." "Uraraka..." I talked with her on the phone for a bit. I told her how Todoroki and I had gotten into a bit of an argument type thing, not giving detail. "C-can you pick me up? Please?" I beg, my voice breaking. "Of course sweetie. I'll be right over." "Thank you." I hang up and force myself to stand up, avoiding my gaze to the mirror. I opened the door and went to my room, barely being able to walk. I grabbed a small sports bag and put in two of every clothing item except bathing suits of course. I also pack my charger, my wallet, a few essentials and then zipped it up. I checked my phone. She would be here any minute, I should wait outside. Wait, first. I changed into a new hoodie, it also representing all-might. I slide on a pair of socks and then sneakers. I slowly make my way down the hall. I open the door and step out, sitting on the bench out front before closing and locking the door with my key. Todoroki's car wasn't here. He must have left. I'm so sorry. I wrapped my arms around myself, letting the tears flow. You chased him off. He left you, just like everyone else does. It's your fault. I hear a car pull up and run over and got into the passenger door, closing it behind me, placing my bag at my feet, and sobbing. "Hey, hey, hey, Deku. It's okay. I've got you." She held her arms around me and let me cry for a few minutes before letting go. "Let's just go back to my place, okay? We can have some hot vanilla chamomile tea, some oreos, all that junk. Whatever you want. Let's just go." She put her car in reverse and back up, pulling away and driving to her house. As she was driving she kept a hand on the back of my shoulder, trying to comfort me. In about 7 minutes we were at her and Asui's house. I grabbed my bag and followed her to the door as she unlocked it. "Su, I'm back with Deku! Come," she said, pulling my arm to the living room. "Hey, Deku, I heard you an Todoroki arent on the best terms right now. Just know we are here for you and you can stay for as long as you want," Asui sympathized. "Thanks." "I'm going to make us all some tea. I'll be back." I wipe my eyes, trying to get rid of the last few tears. I was finally done crying for now. Asui sat beside me, a hand on the same place Uraraka's was. "It's okay. You dont have to explain to us if you dont want to. We are here for you. I'm sorry we dont have an extra room for you. You'll have to sleep on the couch." I smile weakly, "thanks, it's more than enough. Really, thank you." She returns the smile, "ribbit." A few minutes later Uraraka comes back with 3 mugs, handing one to me and Asui. "Are you hungry? I can make something real quick." As much as I loved Ochaco's cooking, I had to decline. "I'm not really that hungry right now. I ate about an hour and a half ago." She nods and we sit in silence for about 10 minutes, both girls leaning on either side of me. "Do you two mind if I just sleep for now?" I ask, taking the last sip of my tea, hoping not to offend. "Oh, of course! That's fine. I'll bring you a blanket,"Uraraka responds as her and Asui stand up. "Thanks," I say, taking the blanket from her. "No problem. Please, if you need anything, we are right down the hall to the left. The bathroom is across from our room. Well, goodnight." "Goodnight Ocha, goodnight Su." "Goodnight Midoriya," Asui says as her and Uraraka make their way to their room. I lay there turned to the side facing the couch with the blanket over me. You failure. He hates you and it's all your fault. Nobody will ever love you. I clench my fist, trying to shake the thoughts just to sleep. You really are worthless. You deserve to die alone. You deserve to die. I feel the tears try to start up again but I hold them back. Just take a break. After I finally got a hold of myself, I slowly drift off to sleep. Worthless.