Finding Strength - YiZhan

My songs are for you

The wind continue to rustle through the the leaves, the sun has now begun to set bringing out clearer stars. The flappy waves could be heard singing through my head. I'm still here.. stars hovering above my head, clearer as night continue to fall.

So much has changed, the restaurant where he rescued me from the stranger's arm had now been converted to a private residence that is rented out. A luxury one indeed for private celebrity and I made it a point to book it for next 3 days. The setting inside has been totally refurbished and renovated with its dedicated servants and cooks. I needed the time away and my attachment to this place had made me come back.

The days and months that followed after our first night were daunting. The rumours intensified, while we were careful with what we had - the social media hadn't stop scrutinising our move, our schedule, our stage movements and actions. It came to a point where we needed to constantly reevaluate was  that night a spur of moment, like any puppy love we will grow out of it, we will forget as we move on. It hurts us ...the invisible hands at play, they threatened if I hadn't stop all these foolish act of love I will have to accept that he can no longer be in variety shows, future projects and I will loose my endorsements.

"No!" I slammed down at the agency. We were just pretending to gain publicity I said. Nothing more than that, it's just an act of play. I'll stop it.

"It's not you that I'm worried, it's him" they said

"I'll make him stop we were just pretending" I said.

That night I ignored him as we went up to the stage I had to hold on to my words, I told Yibo we should not interact and I'll explain later.

I have not seen him for ages, have not held him and yet sitting just two seats away watching him from the corner of my eyes felt pain. My heart felt a thousand arrows piercing through and I felt his wave of emotions running too, silently, he is suffering. I wanted so much to move into the seat next to him and hold him dearly. I missed him.

I can't wait for this to be over - the over bearing pain of not wishing him congratulations, of holding back my smile for him and to whisper Didi I'm so proud of you, I can't even do that on the stage. The build up of disappointment and anger of why can't I declare what we feel just drove me up to tears. My heart was simply tearing inside. When he stood next to me and I felt his fire gaze I wanted to let him know Didi I'm not okay, I'm not okay with this game, I can't. Life should be simple. Knowing Yibo, he has been conditioned to live harshly and not show affection to strangers but then he open up to me. Was it fair to let him know we should carry on our pretend excuses and that night was simply a mistake....for his sake I need to be convincing. I decided.

In the car my phone lighted up

"Zhan Ge I'm at the airport, I miss you, we miss our chance again, what's with the cold treatment and I'll explain to you later thing?"

I grabbed on to my phone and dialled the number.

" Didi hey I couldn't explained to you earlier but I think we need to stop seeing each other until the rumours mellow down, perhaps we should treat it as a pretend we had all these while." I offer the softer alternative

"......,"

"Yibo you there?"

" ....is that your decision?" He asked "I just need to know is that what you want"