Finding Strength - YiZhan

Catching your presence in the wind, painting our story from my heart

The evening seems quiet but I really like the quiet stroll down the beach. The last few months gave us time to unwind as the global pandemic hurts us but it also gave me opportunity to breakaway from the busy schedule of appointments and the event that unfold in February made me realised how fragile one's life is. We could be soaring in the skies reaching success beyond boundaries and yet the next moment I'm like Wei Wu Xian, at the edge of the cliff just feeling isolated, dejected and at the end of all hopes. You were there then at that moment when  I felt I could not possibly move on, when breathing the next second feels tight and letting go was the only possible solution. I remember that moment when I had to rehearse the emotions that went into the scene - I gave it all, but it is that exact emotion I am reliving now, the exact sentiment I feel that I'm driven to the cliff again. The only difference is I'm walking this path on my own. I don't want to trouble anyone at this stage, I can't control what I cannot, and perhaps the only way is to eliminate the root cause.

In this 3 months I've been thinking, I've been painting, I've been writing, I've been strumming. 3 paintings I've had in my collection of arts which I will share someday and a song which I've written that encapsulate our story for our fans and for the industry and the people we love.

And in my story you will understand why I chose this path, I miss you.
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Xiao zhan closes his eyes as he continues to simmer himself into the dusk of the evening skies. He had never felt so alone, yet in it all a slight calm of his surrounding blanketed him. He had chosen to hid from the world, his loved ones and his fans. He felt that was the best way for now.

His moment of silent starring into the calming waves was interrupted by a flashing screen on his phone.

"Hi, just checking if you are alright, where are you? I've called your parents and your manager, they said you took time off"

He left it there on the sand and continue to gaze blankly as he laid backwards down into the sand just starring upwards into the skies. Another buzz

"Please call me back, we are worried, at least let us know you are alright, Zhan I'm here, let me in please I want to be there"

He dropped his phone back again. This time tears trickled down freely, his wound open up again, his heart felt a sharp pain. Being an actor he could fake every emotion out, pretend a smile and force his tears to run and yet hold it when he needs to but today he just needs to be alone to let it out, no one to please, no emotions to be obliged to, no worries to contain, no press and perception to manage, just him and him alone.

He knew this day would come when he had to choose. He recalled the interview he had many times back last year when he was asked about having a relationship and he knew carefully that point of decision was crucial for the industry to pick up the signals, for his company to fault him if things go wrong and for the syndicates that operates in the rival industry to make a case and seize the opportunity to mark him off. What more, he could not and will not want to drag his loved ones into this.
He took it on his own, everything cutting ties to save the ones he loved and divert all attention to him and him only. He will take it all - the haters, the criticisers, the endorser of brands... he will bear the consequences of his decision.

It's been been 3 months since the cold awkward event - sitting apart. He begged them not to bother his loved one, he will comply he will not stand close to speak to him, no interaction at all, he promised as the CEO of Y company turns her back and thank him for being such a obedient person ahead of the event.