Waiting for the Sunrise

chapter seventeen

Rebecca:

I woke up in Kasey's den. It had a sense of familiarity that I was glad to wake up to. I noticed a few other people under blankets scattered around the room and checked my phone's time.

10:13am. Kasey usually slept in her own room in these situations, and I stood up and walked quietly towards her room. Memories of the night flooded my brain as I walked, and I remembered the fight with Will. I wondered where he had went after that, I hadn't seen him since I don't think.

I opened Kasey's door, shocked for a second when Luke was in her bed with her. Fortunately, they were both awake and fully clothed.

"Hey Beck." Kasey said, smiling and patting a spot for me on her bed. I sat down only slightly uncomfortably and said hi to Luke. "Do you remember last night?" She was smiling.

"Of course she does, she's a seasoned alcoholic." Luke said jokingly and I just smiled at him.

"Yeah I remember most of it I think. I remember fighting with Will." They both looked shock.

"You guys got in a fight?" I almost thought they were kidding. I was surprised nobody had told either of them, surprised Will hadn't said anything. "I guess I wondered why you stayed here." Kasey said, still looking concerned.

"Yeah I made out with Adam." She nodded slowly, recalling the event.

"You did want to make him jealous." She said, laughing a little. I wasn't laughing, I had genuinely hurt his feelings and I knew that. I knew that he didn't deserve it.

"That was stupid though." I paused and they both just looked at me. "On the bright side Mckenzie and I are just best friends." I laughed now and it changed the direction of the conversation.

It felt nice to talk to them casually, like we had. It felt like everything was a new first time even if I had been doing it for years. I felt like I had taken a break from real life, and now I was back. I loved it, even if I had already messed up.

Macy and Ashley soon joined the conversation, coming into Kasey's room and begging for brunch. I decided to push off what I knew would be an altercation with Will and join them at our favorite diner.

It was fun, even the part where Will and all of his friends also were at the same diner. The part where Will blatantly ignored me, only staring at me throughout the entire event as a hello. He texted me from his table just as we received our check.

Will
I'll drive you home. We're going to the same place

I didn't want him to, I didn't want to argue. But I knew I was wrong. I knew I had to be wrong today, he deserved it. He deserved it every day.

"Becks? All set?" I looked up from my phone.

"Yeah, sorry. Will's driving me home." Kasey nodded.

"Okay. Call me later and we'll talk." I smiled, she knew I needed it better than I did. They got up to leave and we all said our goodbyes. I slid into the booth next to Matt.

"Hey girl." He smiled at me. "Gonna be honest, it's nice to have you back, Becca." He nudged my shoulder. I just smiled, Will was still ignoring me.

"I should probably get going." Will was suddenly standing above me, looking down at me. I stood up and walked away with him, waving in response to his friends goodbyes. He stayed silent until we got in the car, even then all he did was turn up the music. I deserved this, I knew I did.

I let him sit in his anger for a few minutes before I turned the music down and spoke.

"I'm sorry, Will." He pressed his lips together and just looked at me. He looked hurt, disappointed. It hurt me. He said nothing. "Will, please." He looked back at the road in silence. Fuck. I let him sit for a few more seconds. "Please. You're my best friend, Will." He looked at me and seemed to take a long breath. He bit his lips, focusing on the road and then suddenly turning into a parking lot. I knew it was coming.

He put the car in park and turned off the radio, rubbing his face with his hands in angst.

"That's exactly the fucking problem, Rebecca." He paused and spoke again, "I don't care about Adam, it's the fact that you are my best friend too. And for months I had you watch you kill yourself to wits end. I had to argue with you every day, watch you destroy your life." He was starting to cry, I don't think I had ever seen Will cry. He was always the strong one. "Don't you realize that was hard for me too? And now you're just fucking around and tossing me to the side." I could feel tears on my own cheeks, and I wiped it away. "I'm so in love with you, Beck. I need you just as bad as you needed me for all those months." He tried to dry his tears with his sleeve.

"Will..." I tried, but he shook his head and kept going.

"I'm so glad you're better. I'm so glad that you're okay again, but I can't play this game with you anymore." I nodded, fully crying just as he was. "I know this life with you is never going to be easy, Becks. But I want it. I want it so bad, and I need you to just be honest with me and either stay or don't." I just stared at him. Feeling pretty terrible.

He was right. Everything he said was true.

"You hurt me too, Will. Are you forgetting how much you hurt me?" I shot back anyways. He shook his head.

"Please stay, Beck." His anger seemed to cease and he broke down. "I know I did and I'm so sorry. I love you Rebecca." I could sense this Rebecca was wasn't out of anger for once, but compassion. I reached my hand towards his neck and let it rest.

"Thank you." He grabbed my hand with both hands and breathed out. He stared at me, his eyes still red from tears. "I love you, Will." He squeezed my hand.

"Please stay." He whispered. I had never seen Will like this. So vulnerable, so hurt. He had never pleaded for me like this. It hurt.

"Of course." He closed his eyes.

"Thank you." He sat in the silence for a minute, squeezing my hand and then turning to drive again. The rest of the drive was quiet, but it was filled with thought.

After the talk, we had gone our separate ways when we arrived in the house. I showered, trying to push out any thoughts that I had. I wanted Will, I knew that. I always had. Even through everything, Will was all I ever wanted. Happiness, and for Will to be happy. I had that, so why didn't it seem as great as I thought?

Will knocked, I let him open it as I sat on my bed.

"Do you want to hang out?" He seemed nervous to ask. I smiled and motioned for him to sit next to me.

"Since when do you have to ask?" He sat next to me, pulling me towards him.

"I'm sorry for everything. And for yelling." I leaned my head into his shoulder.

"I deserved the yelling. And flirting with Adam was just a ploy to get you to be my boyfriend again." I admitted, a little embarrassed. He shook his head and laughed.

"You're a psycho." He kissed my forehead. I had missed this. Missed him. "But I missed that."