Waiting for the Sunrise

epilogue

Two and a half years later:
Rebecca-

I woke groaning to the alarm clock. I had not gotten enough sleep for this day. Will tapped it off and pulled me closer.

"Five more minutes." I leaned away and pulled out of his arms.

"Come on." He groaned even louder than I had. This was our third time doing this and it still sucked. I got into the shower, not bothering to wash my hair. It was somewhat easier today, but not much. When I went back into our room Will was still in bed. "Babe." He didn't move but moaned.

"I'm up." I ran my fingers through his hair above him. He rolled over at my touch and smiled. "Love you, Beck." I walked away towards my closet to get dressed. I heard him get in the shower as I put on jeans and a long sleeve shirt. It was supposed to be pretty cold today for May, but it was fitting. The semester had ended a few weeks ago, so our roommates, Marisa and Ellie had gone home already. We'd decided to stay for awhile, just until today when we ritually needed to be home.

Living with Will was nice. Even with roommates, our living meshed perfectly together. It helped that I loved this house with my whole heart. Probably nothing could have stopped me from loving to live there. It was pretty, and it was my own. I turned the light on in the kitchen, putting two bagels in the toasters and getting two plates. We would be back in just a week, hopefully with Kasey and her new boyfriend if we could convince them.

Hollow creek was almost 4 hours away from Syracuse, so we would get there around 11am hopefully.

Will came into the kitchen a few minutes after the bagels were done with our bags. He pulled me into a tight hug. He didn't have to say anything for me to know. I smiled up at him and he kissed me.

"Ready?" I nodded, grabbing the bagels and following him out the door. It was early, but the sun felt nice outside. He put our two bags in the trunk and I sat in the passenger seat.

"I made you a bagel." I called as he shut the trunk and got in next to me. He smiled and took a bite.

"Thanks."

The drive was nice. Usually we were talkative and loud on the drive to and from school, but today was different. It was quiet, but nice. We both understood.

Pulling into the driveway was the easy part. The house looked nice. I had been required by the HOA to hire somebody to upkeep it while I was gone. The Mercer's has helped by planting fresh flowers on each side of the door. I took a long breath before we went inside.

"You really think this is the year? The day?" Will asked as I put the key back in my wallet. It smelled clean inside, sterile, like a hospital. It didn't bring me anything.

"It's not home anymore, Will." Selling this house was the final step to let go of the past. I had sold the company, and each year on this day Will and I would come and go through a room. It was kind of morbid, and pretty terrible, but it gave me my time to be sad. Will usually just held me while I cried. The last room was today. First was my parents. Last year was Aidan, and this year would be Jack.

"I know it's not..." he turned his head to stare around. "What's wrong?" He asked me as he saw me standing blankly.

"I don't want to do this, Will." I walked towards the kitchen. "I'm sick of crying. I just want to be happy. I want to skip today this year." He nodded in understanding.

"Okay, Becks." I let him wrap me in a warm hug. I could feel slow tears roll down my cheek. "There's nothing forcing you, okay? We'll go home.. to my parents." He leaned down to my level and smiled, trying to make me feel better. I nodded.

"The cemetery first." I leaned into his shoulder as we walked back towards the door.

"Of course." We drove to the cemetery, again, quietly. I was starting to look forward to going back home as I knew Chase would be loud and excited. The cemetery came into view and Will parked in the lot. I gave him a tight lipped smile and got out. This was what we did.

The cemetery was quiet, I was one of only a few other cars.

I sat in front of the graves. Fuck. Usually, I had something to say, something to pretend like I had faith for the future, or didn't. But not today.

I felt selfish, for wanting the day to be over so badly. But I had spent every day of the past 3 years thinking about them. Thinking about what I had done. It was over. They were gone, just a memory.

Of course it was sad, of course I will never forget them, but it had taken me, standing in an empty house to realize that I'm okay. To realize that I will be okay. I was thankful for today.

I sat for a few more minutes before whispering "I love yous" and getting up. Will was still waiting in the car, as promised and I sat down.

"Thank you. I'm ready to be happy for the day now, and I'm going to talk to your mom about the house." He smiled.

"Great, Becks. I just want you to know I'm so proud of you."

"Thank you. Thank you for sticking with me through all of it." He kissed my forehead and I kissed his lips in return.

"I love you." I told him.

"I love you too, Rebecca."