Something Phenomenal

Phenomenal: Two

Day 168 in the hospital

My camera, a sturdy Canon Rebel I got during junior high school four years ago was filled with white things. Photos of lights filtering through windows, objects against white walls, nurses in their white uniforms walking in the halls like chalks, the white hospital bed as my only backdrop for the different books I've read throughout my stay here.

But it's not all white. There were times when my life here has splash of colors. Like whenever we have certain celebrations, doctor's birthday, patience's birthday or special celebration like being cancer free or in remission or something.

There were days when we collectively watch the huge flat screen TV on the lobby for an event like Miss Universe or cheer for a certain sports game.

I have friends in here too. Mostly nurses and patients who have been staying here for quite some time. There were time my camera would be filled with burst of colors, balloons, cakes, and dozens of flowers and trays of food, which most of the time we couldn't eat.

We also have nights when the nurses allowed us to go outside and we would light up some of those sparklers on sticks and watched every flicker fade.

I love those days the most especially when the night sky is clear and the wind is chilly and I can pull my mask down and breathe it in. But those days are rare and most of the time it's just me in my room.

I crossed my legs, crumpling the newly wash sheets on the bed with my red plaid pajamas. I've been scrolling through the photos and videos in my camera deciding on what to transfer on my laptop so I could make a video sequence.

My endless scrolling took me way back to the set of pictures taken four years ago, when this camera was still brand new. It's mostly filled with the faces of my high school classmates. Those naturally goofy, wacky faces of lanky, bare face people who are now very different from who they were years ago.

Whenever my camera wasn't raided by my classmates, I was the designated photographer of the class during school events. It's like an unwritten responsibility of someone who has a proper camera whether you like it or not.

But I did love it.

I love catching those candid moments through my lens. Those happy faces, dull moments, stares of people who were in love with someone seats away from them.

I love capturing moments when we were pulled out from our routines. When classrooms became practice places for school dances, when the bare walls were being decorated for Christmas competitions, and those last days before vacations and we know we wouldn't see each other for quite some time. I'm in love with those days when we're lost in a familiar place.

That's why when I got accepted in college, in my dream course of arts and films, I was over the moon. They were the happiest days of my life, waking up and knowing you've got to learn and do what you love. Until everything spiraled down.

Binaba ko ang camera nang makitang pumasok ang nurse sa kwarto ko. Binalik ko ito sa pouch. Lumapit ang nurse na nakatutok sa hawak na clipboard habang naglalakad.

"Good morning, Gabriela. Check lang ako ng vitals mo."

Umupo ako ng mas maayos, dangling my feet off the bed while a different daytime nurse, Nurse Jade, checks on me. We did the usual routine.

She wrapped the thing over my arms and squeezed in pressure until it feels like my arm is gonna explode. She held the thermometer gun before my forehead to see if I'm having fever today. She unwrapped the set of needles to extract blood from my arms for blood test to check if the medicines are doing their thing. She checked on my back with the cold metal of the stethoscope against my skin to make sure my breathing is normal, and a few more stuff.