Something Phenomenal

Phenomenal: Twelve

Day 25 out of hospital

When we were in high school, our friends often tease Shane and me because of our closeness. They said it was obvious we're more than friends, or Shane would leave any of his girlfriends if I say so, or the reason why I couldn't get a boyfriend was because he threatens them behind my back.

But I don't take them seriously and even tease with them. Shane's just a good person who couldn't get his priorities right before Cheska, and I was just, you know, unlucky with my love life.

But behold, a miraculous thing just happened. I finally clicked with someone. Shane finally got me a decent date. He's one of his internship buddies who aren't hung up on his ex.

We hit it off early. He was early at our meeting place. He even chatted me and asked what I want so he could order it right away. He's a nerdy-smart type and there's a part of me who's sucker for that. Our conversations was long and interesting, and he had this hearty chuckle that reminds me of Shane whenever he's happy.

After our conversation at the coffee shop, we went to watch a superhero movie, which he admitted he had watch for the second time, which I find cute.

We walked around the mall to find a place to have lunch. And then he suggested to go outside to check the Korean barbecue restaurant nearby. So we walked a bit, got into the restaurant, and minutes later he was grilling the meat for me.

By afternoon, we visited a product exhibit I didn't know was happening in the convention hall near the mall. I wished I took my camera with me because there's a lot of interesting things to capture, especially those Japanese tea cups. They were costly but I had wished to buy them for Mom.

It was fun. But the thing is, I couldn't tell my date I was tired. I was enjoying myself, yes. But I couldn't tell him I need to stop and go home. I couldn't tell him I'm sick.

I was riding the bus on the way home. It's late afternoon and I could tell the long day was taking a toll on my body because I couldn't breathe. Everything suddenly feels suffocating.

I tried to calm myself. There were people on the bus and I couldn't tell them what's happening even if I wanted to. I wouldn't want to cause them inconvenience.

I counted my breath. Breathe in, breathe out. It's okay. You can make it. You're just fifteen minutes away. Endure it. But I was already clenching my chest, my mouth was getting drier and drier and my fingers were sweaty and trembling.

Pumara ako. Napatingin ang ilang mga tao sa'kin. We're in the middle of an open field in a late afternoon when the sun's about to set. I stepped out the bus with cold hands.

I need to breathe.

No one's around at the side of the rode except for the cars and bus passing by like jets. Panandalian akong kumalma nang makahinga nang mabuti, but my fingers remained trembling as I fumble my phone from my pocket.

Shane, please answer.

"Shane," agad kong sabi nang sinagot niya ang tawag.

He immediately noticed the crack on my voice. "What happened? Na saan ka?"

With Shane, he knows. When my breathing changes he knows. When my hands begin to tremble he knows. He knows when I'm tired or when I need to go home, or when I stay up late too much. I don't have to push myself when I'm with him.

Naglakad ako at hinintay si Shane sa ilalim ng isang street light. After ten minutes huminto ang pulang sasakyan ni Shane sa tabi ng daan. He was furious. I've never seen him this angry in a long time.

"What the fuck, Gabriel?"

"I'm sorry," sagot ko. I couldn't argue with him. I was at the wrong side.

"I told you not to push yourself too much!"

Nagdadabog siya nang isara niya ang passenger door nang makapasok ako. Umupo siya sa driver's seat na mainit pa din ang ulo.

"I'm so so sorry."

"Kapag may nangyari sayo... kapag may nangyari..." Nahampas niya ang manibela bago binuhay ang engine. Then he breathes out to calm himself.

I was on the brink of tears. I was really sorry.

Tahimik kaming umuwi sa bahay. Shane noticed the bruises on my arms. Nasa kamay ko na sila kaya hindi ko matago. I told my date earlier they were bumps from being clumsy.

I feel sleepy in the car. It was something I often feel after the breathing ordeal. It's intense sleepiness due to the fatigue.

Shane got me the pillow from his headrest. I glance at him and closed my eyes. If I could be selfish, I wish for him to always be by my side.

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