Begin Again

Chapter 15

"I'm so done with studying. How about you?" I groaned.

Matteo looked up from his notes and said, "I don't mind." He put his notes on the table and walked towards me. "What are we going to do now?"

I tapped my chin a few times. "I got it. Let's have another session of 'get to know each other better'! Don't you just love these sessions?"

He rolled his eyes and I giggled. We've been having these sessions from time to time over the past three months. We would ask each other questions and we have to answer honestly unless we're very uncomfortable about it. "Since I started the last time, you'll start."

I nodded. "Have you ever had a girlfriend?"

"Obviously not," he laughed. "Why would you ask a question like this?"

"I don't know. I'm just curious," I replied, scratching my head and grinning sheepishly. "I just wonder if the nerdiest of the nerds and the coldest of the coldest has ever been in a serious relationship!"

"I've never even been in a relationship," he protested, waving his hands frantically. "Serious or not. No girlfriend. No boyfriend. No one. I swear."

I burst into laughter. I said, "Do you have to be so nervous? Chill."

He sighed, "Okay, then let me ask you the same question. Have you ever had a boyfriend?"

My heart skipped a beat. Should I tell him about Derek? Should I tell him about how I got dumped so badly because I refused to have sex with him? Will he call me stupid? "Yes," I replied. "He's from my town outside New York City. High school sweetheart."

"Oh," he murmured. "I didn't know you had a boyfriend. Doesn't he mind us hanging out all the time? Oh, Grey, does he even know you go to a man's house every now and then? You're sneakier than I thought."

"No, no," I chuckled. "We broke up a few days before I came here."

"Oh, sorry," he muttered.

I waved him off. "It's fine. He's an asshole. I can't believe I stupidly dated him for three years without realising that he only wanted sex," I blabbered. "Anyway, he cheated on me and I broke up with him a few days before I came here."

Matteo looked pissed. Absolutely pissed. His fists were clenched and his forehead was creased slightly. "How can someone like that even exist in this world? Wait, a few days before you came here? Did it happen on Valentines' Day?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed.

"He's the most horrible man on earth!" he gasped.

"Exactly my thoughts!" I replied. And to think I thought he was going to propose to me that day. How silly of me. At least I'm all grown up now. My eyes are wide open. I'm never going to fall for the same tricks again.

He shook his head. "I'm sorry that happened to you. Damn, on Valentines' Day. It must've really sucked."

"It sucked a lot," I said. "But that's all in the past now! I'm here and I'm better than ever. I'm happy with my life. I'm glad I broke up with him. I'm glad I moved to Manhattan. I'm glad I met you. You're very annoying but you're a good friend." I held his hand.

"Thanks," he replied, grinning widely. "Also, out of curiosity and just so that I can hopefully make a Grey's Anatomy reference, what's his name?"

I rolled my eyes. "Derek. I know."

"Your ex is called Derek?" he asked, seemingly amused. "I hope his last name is not Shepherd. If it is, you two were never meant to work out. Derek belongs to Meredith. Oh wait, please don't tell me the girl he cheated on you with is called Meredith!"

"No, it's Sherwood," I replied. "And the girl's called Linda."

He shrugged. "Hmm, close enough."

I heaved a deep sigh and lay down in his lap. I feel stupid thinking this but I wonder how Derek is doing now. Does he regret cheating on me? Does he regret breaking up with me? Does he regret anything?

"Are you okay?" Matteo asked.

"Yeah," I murmured.

He stroked my head and replied, "I want to punch the daylights out of him. He's an asshole. He doesn't deserve anything good in this world. How does he even have the heart to do that to someone like you?"

I chuckled, "Right. Can you even beat him?"

"I'm feeling an adrenaline rush," he said, smirking.

"Hormones," I muttered, rolling my eyes. What will life be if Derek never cheated on me? We wouldn't have broken up. I wouldn't have come here. I wouldn't have met Matteo. What if all these never happened? What would have become of Alexia Grey?

Matteo gestured for me to move away and I got up. He turned on the television and said, "Let's watch Grey's Anatomy. I don't like this but let's watch the episode where Derek died. It's sad but let's imagine that he's Derek... Sherwood, okay?"

I guffawed out loud. "I like this idea!" I replied.

Thus, we spent one hour watching the most heartbreaking and shocking episode in Grey's Anatomy. It's more shocking than the one with the hospital shooting. It's more shocking than the one with the plane crash where Lexie died. It's more shocking than the one where Meredith got attacked by a patient and had her jaw wired shut.

Derek Shepherd's death broke everyone... and it broke me once again.

I screamed when I saw the semi crash into him. I shouted when the doctor refused to give him a head CT. I cried when Meredith told him that he could go and they would be fine. The worst part is they had a fight before Derek left for Washington DC. Derek didn't even have the chance to say goodbye and he died saving others' lives.

He freaking knew he needed a head CT but the doctor sucked. I swear I will never become a trashy doctor like him. Derek knew he was going to die because the doctors attending to him were not properly trained. He freaking knew and that's what makes it so sad. If he was admitted into Grey Sloan Memorial, he would've lived.

Matteo turned off the television as soon as the show ended. He took a piece of tissue and passed it to me. "Oh, stop crying. You're supposed to be imagining that's your ex and laughing at how terribly he died."

"Who are you to talk? You're crying too," I sobbed as I blew my nose with a tissue.

"Shut up," he replied as he wiped tears off his eyes. "It's your ex, not mine."

I giggled and leaned my head on his shoulder. Will it make me feel better if Derek truly died, though? I pushed every thought about him to the back of my mind. He's in the past now. He is irrelevant to my life. I should stop thinking about him.

I should only think about medical school. That's my goal. I'm going to get into the NYU School of Medicine and get my Doctor of Medicine. I'm going to become a famous surgeon to show everyone what I'm made of. I'm going to make Derek regret cheating on me.

"Okay, let's go back to studying," I chuckled.

"No thanks," he replied. He looked at the clock and turned back to face me. "Besides, It's getting kind of late. We should sleep early. We need all the energy for tomorrow's paper."

I nodded. "So... I guess I'll go," I said in a questioning tone. Why do I feel sad? What's wrong with me? He's right. We need as much sleep as possible for tomorrow! Biting my lip, I stood up, grabbed my notes and walked to the door. "Bye."

"Goodbye. Oh, I almost forgot. Please don't continue studying when you get home, okay? You need to rest," he suggested.

"Okay, I will go home, shower, brush my teeth and sleep immediately," I replied, rolling my eyes. He's using my words against me! It's like we have reversed our roles. "You too."

He rolled his eyes too. "Yes, I know."

"Good night, Matteo," I said, grinning slightly.

"Good night, Alexia," he replied with a smile.