love & war | anakin skywalker

chapter one

BATTLE OF THE ZEROES

Mace Windu might not have been the most intimidating man in all the galaxy, but he had to rank amongst the top five. I was haunted by the memory of our first encounter my whole life. I was just a youngling, but I remember the crushing weight of his stoney glare when I stood before the High Council as if it was yesterday. Like ten tonnes of boulders. Over a decade went by, and I still suffocated under his gaze each time I had the displeasure of encountering it. So when I heard that Windu had been kidnapped, there was a very small but very genuine part of me that wanted to give the unidentified abductor a hearty pat on the back.

This kidnapping sparked panic within the temples, panic unmatched by anything I had ever seen or even imagined. I was utterly fascinated. At least, I was at first. At the time, I was still a Padawan learner, steadily approaching knighthood. Any stray from the stale routines of the Jedi was enough to spark adrenaline in my veins. That queasy thrill of uncertainty was so foreign, so addictive. And though the Council was relentless in their valiant efforts to diffuse the panic and assure everyone that there was no need for concern, the mischievous air of chaos was felt unanimously.

The factual details of the abduction itself were a mystery to me. The further down the ranks you descended, the less they knew about the situation – which left us Padawans with very little information and only the younglings to lord it over. That didn't stop us speculating, though. Each Padawan had their own wonderful theories on where Master Windu was, who had captured him, what would happen next. I enjoyed these hypotheses, especially when they were described so gleefully and defended so stubbornly by their clueless theorists. Infact, I was so delighted by this wonderful nonsense that the pursuit of finding out the actual truth was neither here nor there to me.

I had attempted to ignite a discussion about the abduction many times with my Master, but I soon learnt that not everyone was as enthusiastic about the whole ordeal as my fellow Padawans. She would simply reiterate the few facts we knew for sure (namely, that Mace Windu had been kidnapped by an unidentified figure in a mask) and advise me to stop worrying about it so much. Only I wasn't asking out of worry, I was asking out of untamed, irrepressible curiosity.

"Do you think the masked man could've been a Sith Lord?" I had blurted out, during a break in one particularly gruelling training session. The hums and crashes of colliding lightsabers could be heard all around us as other Padawans practised, and for a moment I assumed Master Silvos hadn't heard my question over the noise. But the cutting glare it earned from her just a few seconds after suggested otherwise.

Then came a forlorn response. "Thetis, I wish you'd stop asking about it. I don't know any more than you do. I wish I had more answers for you, Padawan, but I don't. I'm sorry."

With those words, I felt a bitter sting of remorse from deep within my chest. The solemness of her tone made me wonder if these questions had made her feel inadequate. After all, what good is a teacher if they cannot answer their student's queries?

"I'm sorry, Master." I said, releasing my lower lip from the clutches of my teeth, "I suppose no-one really knows anything right now."

With a deep nod of agreement, Master Silvos' expression softened. She smiled, those familiar crows' feet forming and settling either side of her eyes, and my shame melted away. "Quite right, young Padawan." my Master nodded once more, before moving swiftly on, "Now, let's get back to training. Your reflexes are getting quicker and quicker, you know."

I believe they were quick, but I hadn't particularly noticed at the time. I suppose that, during the strenuous hours of training, the heaviness of my lungs and my sweat-slick skin was enough to distract me from my own improvements. But Master Silvos noticed, and that always brought a coy smile to my lips and pinkness to my cheeks.