My Life As A Calder

Chapter 2

It had been a day since I told had Harry and he still hadn't said anything. He read my messages on Facebook and Kik but completely ignored them. I didn't know what to do. Eleanor was supportive of me and the baby, as was Perrie. I had to tell them. I needed friends and they were there for me, unlike the baby's father. I needed to sort this out as soon as possible before everyone else found out and ruined everything.

I couldn't get in contact with harry and he wouldn't answer his phone calls or texts either. I went to my last resort and gave his Kik out to a fan, asking them to find out what was wrong. She came back with news, saying it was no good and that he was too depressed and upset. I was devastated. I needed someone to go over and see him and talk to him but found no one that I could ask. I messaged Ed and he agreed to cover for Harold and take the baby blame until we had it all sorted out. He was my life saver. He took full responsibility for the pregnancy and even Facebook married me, just to give me enough time to work something out with harry.

After having no luck in getting in contact with the baby's father, I took the very last option and decided I had to go see him. I really didn't want to fly out to the UK but I knew I had to. I booked the first flight out to London and packed my stuff up and left. It was a 22 and a half hour flight to Heathrow airport, leaving me with jet lag and different time zone complications. I booked a room in a hotel near the airport, opting to stay there for the night to rest before taking a helicopter to Manchester the next day.

When I switched my phone back on, I discovered I had 6 missed phone calls. 4 were from Beau (Brooks), 1 from Winter (Leigh) and 1 from Autumn (Leigh). I listened to Beau's messages, getting the shock of my life. Luke had disconnected his Facebook and he had lost contact from him. I knew of his condition and knew this wasn't good. I called Beau back and was reassured that Luke was okay. It was a false alarm and his Facebook had just been reported and his phone dead.

The message from Winter though was a different story. When I heard her message, tears pricked into my eyes and I went numb. Amy, one of my bestest friends had been found dead. She had taken her own life. She had been my closest friend, supporting me through everything. She had been depressed for a while though, after being send a load of hate.

My life took another turn after listening to Autumn's message. Winter was in hospital. She was found with severe self harm wounds and attempted suicide and was on life support in hospital. Winter was another of my close friends. Why had they both been taken from me.

I cried to myself that night in bed, trying to find a reason as to why I deserved all of this. What had I done? What had any of them done? Now Amy's kids had no mother and Winter's kids may soon also have no one. I didn't want my child to be like this too. I just couldn't. I had to stay strong for her.

After trying to sleep for hours, I gave up and called Eleanor in tears. I told her the news and we both cried together. Life was a bitch at the moment. My life was crap, to be honest. I didn't want any of it anymore. The hate, the rumours, Harry, Amy, Winter. Everything was screwed up, just like me. I spent the rest of my night, crying to myself and just curled up in a ball in shock. I needed to hear his voice. Just once. Once to make it all right. Once to reassure myself. One to give myself hope.

After giving up on the hope of sleep and having no tears left, I decided to sign into Facebook. Ed reassured me, making me feel a bit better, but not enough. Harry still hasn't replied though, which made me feel like shit. I went through and accepted a few friend requests and checking a few notifications. Next I moved on to reading a few messages. I replied to a few but was shaken by the amount of hate I had been sent. What had I done to these people?

I read a few before I started to cry again. What had I done to deserve any of this? Everyone thinks my life would be awesome. Having a load of money, touring for work, working with the worlds biggest boy band and having the dream life but everyone was wrong. With all this came hate, complications and depression. I felt like a failure. Why was life a bitch to me?

I switched the radio on in my room and curled up on the bed, trying to forget everything. I felt my eye lids getting heavy just as Story of My Life started playing. Listening to his voice and the song I had written gave me a sense of hope and pointed me in the right direction. It showed me why I was really here and what I was needed for. It made me realise all the good things in life. My family and friends. It made me feel warm inside, making it feel alright for once. That night, fell asleep with a smile on my face, thinking about all the good things in life, forgetting all the shit.