SIDNAAZ: Sid and his Naaz

I'm never going to leave you, I promise

"Then why the fuck did you tell me to do it & NOTHING SIDHARTH NOTHING! You didn't need to mention any kind of relation to stop me you could've just said.., ughhh you know what i don't want to fight with you please just drop me back at the hotel" she says almost crying.
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The loud sound of the doorbell ringing wakes Sidharth up. He gets up slowly as the pain in his bruised up knuckles return now that he's awake. He opens the door, it was his mother. "Arrey ithna waqt kyun laga diya beta?" his mother questions. "Woh abhi utha tha maa... main abhi fresh hoke aaya" he says quickly and runs off to his room, hoping his mother doesn't notice his hand or the fact that Shehnaaz isn't here. He thinks about what happened last night.

*****************Flashback Begins*****************

Shehnaaz walks out of the restaurant and tries calming herself down as she wipes away the tears rushing down her cheeks faster than they were coming out hoping to avoid creating a scene. Within seconds is Sidharth was outside too.

"Why did you do this Shehnaaz? Why?" he says "I'm sorry Sidharth I swear I wanted to leave together, but main achanak bechain hone lagi, mujhe saans lene mein problem ho rahi thi, isliye main jaldi se bahar aagayi" she says thinking he's talking about her walking out abruptly.

"No why did you do this show, why did you put me in the position of telling you whether you should should do it or no, when you knew I won't have any other option but to tell you to do it. This way you get to do the show, and my approval right? That's why you asked me didn't you? So I can't say anything because I myself told you to go ahead with it. So you'll get all the attention you want, get all these boys pampering you, It'll be great, these good looking, young, expressive boys impressing you, getting close to you, no questions asked. This is what you wanted right? Tum hi kehti thi na, tumhe haraek kam ke liye alag alag pati chahiye kyunki tum bore ho jaati ho, ek kaafi nahi hai, so isn't this perfect you get to pick as many as you want for a while then you can ultimately pick the best one as they get boring and eliminated." he said.

Sidharth says all that in state of anger. It was his need to find logic and prove he's right, his insecurity and jealously speaking. He didn't realize how badly he messed up and probably hurt Shehnaaz until the words had left his mouth and he saw the life in her eyes disappear. Her eyes were staring at him and they were blank, there was no emotion there. No hate, no love, it was like he broke her.

Shehnaaz on the other hand was just blank for a second. She didn't know how to react. It was like the ground under her feet had been swept away. She could understand what he said might've been a result of anger and insecurity and jealousy because of the few specific words he has picked like "young and expressive" both things he was not, but a part of her was shocked that he actually thought that about her.

She was joking about the multiple husbands/boyfriends thing, she thought he understood that. She blamed herself, she regretted joking about all this stuff in the past, she used to say this because based on past experience she didn't think she'd find someone who could love, understand and care for the way Sidharth does, the way she needed and wanted. So she always said I don't believe in commitment, I can never choose, I always need options. She regretted saying all that

"Maybe he feels he can't trust me, maybe he doesn't understand that he's changed me that he's brought out the old me that isn't scared anymore, maybe he thinks I'll hurt him, break him and leave him, that's what I used to be scared of too right? she thought.

She didn't know what to do, she was speechless! She had to figure out what just happened, she needed to analyze what he said and why. Was it to hurt her? If it was, she should once again blame herself right? because she was the one who told him she likes to hurt people to see if they care and get affected. So maybe that's what Sidharth is doing. Or maybe he just doesn't want me in his life and this is an excuse to get rid of me.

Seeing Shehnaaz not react scares Sidharth, which as a result makes him anxious and angry, why wasn't she saying anything. He tries coming closer to shake her and get her to respond but she moves back. "Fuck is she scared of me? I'm a monster" he thinks. "Omg you're scared of me" he says in a crying like voice while begins to fall to his knees. Before he can fall Shehnaaz comes back and pulls him into a hug. "No beb, I mean Sidharth, I can and will never be afraid of you. I know you'd never hurt me on purpose at least physically. I feel the safest I've ever been with you, I feel protected when I'm with you, don't ever think like that. I'm never going to leave you, I promise" she says hoping he'd believe her.

Sidharth's heart hurts hearing her say that. He regrets saying all that he said, how could he even think like that about her. "It doesn't matter how angry I was, how could I say all those things? Look at her even after everything she's over here trying to make me believe, taking care of me, making sure I'm okay. How can she be so selfless? Do I even deserve her?" he thinks.

They stay like that for a few good minutes, until Shehnaaz slowly gets out of his embrace. "I'm really sorry Sidharth, you gave me such a great day and I ruined it all! I'm sorry that I brought it up and ruined dinner and I'm sorry you think and feel that way about me! I promise you it isn't like that at all & if you allow me I promise I can explain it all when.umm I mean if we meet again" she says.

Sidharth felt even more guilty hearing her say all that, she was still blaming herself not once had she pointed a finger at him. If it was any other girl she either would've been disgusted and scared or blaming him. They all probably would've slapped him and left already. "So why isn't she? How can she stay? Did she actually love me? Is it possible for someone to even love someone like me?" he thought before attempting to say "no Shehnaaz, don't be so" but he was cut off. "Please Sidharth, can you take me home, I mean drop me off, please I can't handle anymore right now" she says pleading.

Sidharth didn't want to drag things any further or cause another possible fight, he already hated himself for everything he said and did tonight. It would be better if he calms down and thinks of a way to get her to forgive him the next time they see each other. So he agrees and drives her back to her hotel and makes sure she gets checked in and into her room before leaving. He had tried to get her to come home with him on the way to the hotel but she didn't agree so he respected her decision.

He remembers what had just occurred when he gets home. He decides to take a shower before bed in attempt to cool off but the minute he sees his reflection in the mirror he loses it. The anger in him once again boils like lava. "Why the fuck are you like this?, why are you so hell bent on losing every good thing you have in your life? Why can't you believe she actually loves you? Why can't you admit how much you love her? Why do you keep hurting her ? Why the fuck are you so scared and stupid?" he yells at himself as he repeatedly punches the mirror.

******************Flashback Ends******************

He comes back with a bandage loosely wrapped around his hand and the first thing he faces is the question he was dreading. "Kya Shehnaaz andar hai beta, abhi tak dekhi nahi, kya kar rahi hai?" his mom questions. "Voh... voh Shehnaaz nahi hai yaha maa" he replies not meeting his mother's eyes.

She notices his wrapped knuckles. "Kya??! Aur yeh tere hath ko kya hua?" she says with concern. "Voh kuch nahi maa chinta math karo" he says. She gives him a look but doesn't get into it too much as her focus was more on Shehnaaz. "Aur Shehnaaz? Aise kaise nahi hai, kaha hai voh? Maine subha hi" she says but they hear a knock on the door before they could finish.