Is this love?

Chapter 35~ Everything Happens For A Reason

Shawn helped me pack my bags for the hospital. He hasn't said much these past few days. I think this is all getting to him, which I understand. This is all so unreal still yet for me. 

I have to choose between life and baring children. It's so cruel and unfair, but it is life. You don't always get what you want and this is just one of these times. 

I feel so selfish though. I am not only taking away my right to carry a child, but I am taking away Shawn's right to have me carry his child. 

Damn. I never really thought about that. I am selfish, very selfish. That's why he was so upset. This is not only my choice. It is his too. 

I wipped away a stray tear that rolled down my cheek. Before I knew it the tears were streaming down my cheeks. 

"Bey, baby. What's wrong?" Shawn asked as he sat down next to me on the bed. 

I covered my face with my hands and cried harder. 

Damnit Beyonce, pull yourself together. 

I've tried so hard to show no emotion on the subject. If I really let it get to me then it would eat me alive. 

"Talk to me baby." He said rubbing my back. 

I took a few deep breaths and counted to ten. 

1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9...10 

I wipped my eyes and sat up. 

"I honestly didn't think about how this would affect anyone besides my self." I said laying my hand on his leg and staring in his eyes. 

"I am so sorry, Shawn. This is probably the most selfish decision I have ever made." 

He gave me a confused look then sighed. 

"Your choice was not selfish. If you had of chose to not have the surgrey and let your self die so that you could carry my child, that would have been selfish. If I was the one that had to choose, I would've chose the same thing. I want you to live. I want to wake up every day knowing your healthy and that you're going to wake up too. Nothing scares me more than not knowing if you'll be here tomorrow. I need you Bey, more than you'll ever know." 

My lip quivered as my eyes filled with tears. 

He leaned into kiss me as the tears rolled down my cheek. 

"Now getcho self together, you little emotional shit." He said as he wipped the tears off my cheek. 

I giggled, "I love you." 

"I love you too, now help me finish packing your bags." 

***

My heart began to race as we pulled into the hospital parking lot. 

My surgrey isn't until eight-thirty in the morning but they have to take blood and run tests to make sure everything is okay. They also have to starve me for twelve hours. Which personally I find as the worst part. 

Shawn laid his hand on my thigh. 

"Everything is going to be okay Bey. This is going to save you." 

I smiled as he kissed my forehead. 

We grabbed my bags and walked towards the entrace. 

I had already been admitted so all I had to figure out was which room I was in. 

"Name?" A short woman who's name read Bailey asked. 

"Beyonce." 

"Room fourty-four on the fourth floor." She said with a small smile.