Best Friend's Boy

FOURTEEN

"Kato! That guy is here!" Jade called. I rolled my eyes. 'That guy' was Ash. She damn well knew his name but never called him by it.

"Okay!" I shouted, running to the door.

"Why is he here anyways? Are you guys friends? Even after him and your friend broke up?" She questioned and I sighed, opening the door without answering. What was I supossed to say? 'No, he's my secret gay boyfriend.' Yeah, right.

"Hey, Ash." I smiled, letting him in. He smiled back and entered.

"Oh, hi." My dad said, walking in and looking Ash up and down.

"Dad, this is Ash, my..." I trailed off.

"I'm his friend." Ash said, smiling. He shot me apologetic look and shook my father's hand.

"Nice to meet you, Ash." He grinned. "Kato, I'm going to work nights so its just you three." Dad told us and I nodded.

"See you later." I called as he left, then turned back to Ash. "So, what are we going to do?"

He sighed. "Now that I've had the chance ro meet your dad, I need to talk to mine."

Ash and I drove back to his house and I stayed in the car while he went in. After the door closed I could hear his father clearly from how loud he was yelling.

"WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE GAY?" He shouted, and there was a pause where Ash probably spoke.

"UNACCEPTABLE!" His father yelled. "...OUT! GET THE FUCK OUT!"

When Ash returned from the house his face was unreadable and was carrying a dufflebag in his arms.

"What happened?" I asked.

"Moving out." He mumbled, and I nodded staying quiet. Ash wasn't great with expressing how he felt, he just didn't like it for some reason. But he did finally open up to me about his mom.

He said she was just like any other mother, and he lived with her when he was younger. But when Ash turned 15, she became verbally abusive. His parents divorced and Ash stayed with his mom for another year, but while he was staying with her he felt alone.

She would ignore him, and make him feel like shit. Eventually he had to go live with his dad because of how depressed he was getting. And now Ash's dad has to go all homophobic on his ass and now he has to move out.

We drove in silence until we arrived at the apartment complex Ash and I had looked at the day before. Ash had enough money from his job to pay for his own apartment if things went south with his dad. Which they did, obviously.

"Asher Moretz, room 12." Ash said to the man behind the counter. He checked a book, nodded, and handed Ash a set of keys.

"It'll be down the hall to the left." The man said and we walked that direction until we came across room 12.

"Okay." Ash mumbled, unlocking the door and flicking on the lights. "Home sweet..." He trailed off, setting down his bag.

"It'll be okay." I comforted him, taking his big hands in my smaller ones. "You'll be okay." He smiled faintly, pulling me closer to him.

"Thanks, Kato." He whispered, kissing the top of my head. I smiled and leaned up, kissing his lips. He kissed me back pulled my legs and wrapping them around him so he was holding me.

He carried me to the bedroom, laying us both down without breaking apart. His tongue trailed over my lips, and I let him in, tasting everything in reach. We pulled apart for a moment and Ash caught my eyes. I nodded and smiled, answering his unasked question. He returned the smile as he kissed me deeply as we melted into eachother.

But you know that our first time wasn't perfect, right?

There were no hushed declarations of love, there was no romantic candle light flicker. It was neither practiced touches nor rehersed dirty talk. It was somewhere in between, maybe, in the moment with heaving chests and fumbling hands.

It wasnt perfect. There was music to coexist with us, but it wasn't romantic music that Ash had put on, no, it was involuntary music playing from the diner next to us that drifted up through the window.

It wasn't perfect. It was trying to suck in your stomach until the light had been turned off, trying to be sexy while taking off your shirt but failing miserably. It was pretending to know exactly what you were doing when in reality you were scared out of your wits.

It wasn't perfect. It was mostly, "Is this okay?" And even more, "You feel so good." It was hitched laughter after bumping foreheads, it was lazy thrusting in awkward positions. It was warm hot exhales and clumsy groping upon stubble burned thighs mixed with desperation fueled kisses. It was breathless gasps followed by stifled moans. It was being out of breath and shameless cuddling accompanied by shy kisses against damp hair.

But I'll be damned if it wasn't perfectly imperfect.

* * *

When I woke up I was curled into Ash, our legs entwined and our hands holding. His face was so peaceful and I wished he didn't have to go through everything this way. I didn't know when he'd be ready to come out, and when we could be together in public, but I knew he was special to me.

"I love you." I breathed, as he continued to sleep. Gently, I kissed his head amd slipped out of the bed to take a shower. After I dried off, I pulled on some clothes and saw Ash hadn't moved a muscle. I smiled, so happy at what I was looking at, and left the room.

The door to Ash's new apartment clicked shut behind me and I thought I heard him say something. It was muffled, so I couldn't be sure, but it rang in my ears, getting louder and louder.

"I'm sorry."