𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 | bokuaka!

𝟖. 𝐓𝐖 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑!

!! a/n: HI! just wanted to let you know trigger warning(s) on this chapter include: intense homophobia, religious content & child abuse/violence. please proceed with caution !!

I'LL MARK THE START OF THE SCENE AND THEN PUT THE SAME MARK AT THE END WITH A VAGUE SUMMARY. THANK YOU.
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So you could call me weak, or immature for letting my ex ramble. You could say that I've been aced by a guilt trip tactic or that I'm foolish for letting my guard slip. But a part of me believes that Koutarou wouldn't be capable of manipulating me. In all honesty, maybe he could be. I don't who he is anymore.

"My parents kicked me out." He breathes out, ending the sentence sharply. He continues to clutch my shoulders until his knuckles turn white but he's still conscious about how much effort he's exerting. It isn't too uncomfortable.

I blink. "What?" I'm not sure if I heard him correctly, but he looks me dead in the eye to repeat himself.

"My parents kicked me out."

"Bokuto-San, you're going to have to elaborate..."

So he takes me into his mind, a plane of existence that many would presume as blank and joyful, but the tune of his memory is anything but endearing and placid.

"Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Bokuto had mumbled after mustering up some courage about three days into coming back home. His parents, who sat a ways away from their son, had an unreadable expression on their faces as Bokuto gulped.

TRIGGERING SCENE START

"It was so scary, Keiji." I nod to what he's saying. "I couldn't tell what they were thinking. They're so confusing..." He sighs.

So the smile played on Koutaro's lips faltered as the air had grown quiet and tense. Bokuto's father adjusted the collar of his turtleneck awkwardly and the two guardians shifted uneasily from side to side.

"Did we hear you correctly...?" His mother mumbled to herself.

"I hope this doesn't change the way you think of me, but I'm finally comfortable enough to get over my own feelings of invalidation," Koutarou took in a deep breath, "This is who I am."

"I was going to finally come back to you, confident this time, but I guess I ended up at your door either way...." He chuckles darkly.

"Your squeezing is getting a little rough.." I bluntly point out.

"Oh." He removes his hands, and instead promptly crosses them across his own chest. He's shaking a bit, nerves trembling. "Sorry." He sharply inhales. I nod so he continues.

"Bullshit, Koutarou! What the fuck? After dating all kinds of girls? You fucking disgrace!" He abruptly stood, fuming. Bokuto shook, he had shook so intensely that goosebumps pricked his skin and he began to feel lightheaded, wobbly on his feet. He couldn't imagine how his father would react then, if he found out he was lying about dating the many girls he brought home.

He thought it was possible to be open with them. But this proved to be a fruitless effort, as if all the years of his hardwork, handmade gifts, and endless love to his parents, it all seemed to mean nothing to them. After he poured his heart out, always exhibiting perfect transparency in his life, it didn't matter to them. It didn't matter what their son said, or what their son did, because he would always be inadequate to the pair just for liking men.

Disappointing. He did not want to be disappointing. He was afraid of being disappointing.

His head spun as his father bounded closer and closer with each thud, the synced steps of his emotion heavy against the oak wood. Jaw clenched, as his hand rose.

For a smack, for a punch? Bokuto's vision was blurry, he wouldn't be able to tell anyway.

He could hear his mother shriek.

"Fuck, quit it! No, what are you doing?!" She shrieked, attempting to stop the boy's father from doing something horrid. "We can just get him baptized, he can still be saved!"

Bokuto's eyes broadened with each step back he took from the family he's grown up in. The family he's called home, and has shared endless memories with. But this is now the family where he became an outcast, because who he is is considered a sin.

"No son of mine is a sissy, you fucking bastard."

It came as quickly as it was over, the sharp outline of a handprint clearly reddening on the younger's face. It was a searing pain that rippled across his skin. He froze, emotionally detaching, shutting down from the scene around him.

It felt unreal. Fake. A haunting nightmare.

It was not what he had expected.

"You're lucky I don't just bash this empty beer bottle right over your head while your crumped to your knees like that," His father still managed to sneer. Bokuto had not even realized he was slumped over himself, close to the cold and harsh ground. Harsher than he remembers the childhood home's floorboards feeling.

"I don't know what to do," Bokuto shakily inhales, eyes fleeting rapidly to random objects in the room. "I, I, don't." His voice is breathy, and cracked. He stutters throughout his syllables.

TRIGGERING SCENE END
TLDR: Bokuto's dad wasn't accepting of his sexuality once he was finally comfortable, so they slapped and threatened him. His religious parents then kicked him out, and that's why he's at Akaashi's house.

"Koutarou..." I just mumble, not knowing to respond. Being he's put me through so much, so much suffering and heartbreak; and a hell of a lot of pain.

"That's what happened..." He then says, in a small quiet voice. A voice drained of liveliness and rather dead, exempt happiness. It's different. I don't like the change.

Why can't we just live peacefully, our trauma pushed aside? The picture perfect life I'm envisioning is serene, and rather simple in my mind. A version of us where we don't have to hide or lie, open to eachother. A version of our highschool selves, without the burden of adulting. Young, true love, that isn't emotionally taxing.

Maybe we could've traveled the world during my gap year. We could've laughed at sit-coms, snuggled up in the warmth of eachother under dim lights. Basking in the sun-kissed skies, or losing ourselves in the clouds of the rainy seasons. We could've cuddled by the fireplace, cups of hot cocoa, and as cliche as it seems, I can't help but keep thinking like this.

"I just came here to let you know..." He speaks up loud enough just to get my attention, trailing off. As I'm hit with the harsh reality of what really is going to happen to our future as we're two, aimless, lost and broken—

"They hate me for loving you,"

"They hate me for continuing to love you, Keiji."

word count: 1139