𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 | bokuaka!

𝟏𝟎.

[ EDITORS NOTE: this is the cleanest filler i've ever written, ong ]

"Sorry..."

"You seem sorry for a lot..."

The air is strung right now as I bite my tongue, tasting the iron of blood after; regretting being so cold, yet feeling no remorse. Conflicted, I am, and anyone with a level-head would clearly see accepting him back into my life is a terrible decision. Impulse infested and possibly detrimental.

"I just had nowhere to go, Keji," He says, sighing exasperatedly, "I didn't mean to re-open old wounds, I mean, fuck!"

In all honesty, the wounds were always gaping open to begin with, a never-ending emotionally draining paradox, and when they scar I know it will be ugly. I can only listen to the sound of my chest heaving as Bokuto awkwardly shifts and he seems to be mulling over something.

I stay silent, and unmoving as he approaches me slowly as if I were to bite. I look up from the seat so low to the ground for a moment to see him leaning towards me, hands now planted on my shoulders as I stare into his vulnerable irises above.

"Give me one more chance to fix us."

And it's like a star shoots across the sky, ready to signal a meteor shower— finally, the wish I had made one night on the twinkling specs has come true— yet buried and disguised in pain. I'm torn, my heart and mind brawling.

"...Okay. But I'm really not in any place to reply to your love confession right now."

He smiles, taking his hands off of my shoulders before extending them out, palms facing to the sky for me to take hold of, and I do so. He pulls me up so we're both standing hand in hand before he pulls me into a tight hug, an overwhelming embrace.

"That's perfectly okay, take your time. I'll wait for you, forever, until the end of time if that's how long it takes for you to reply. Thank you, thank you, thank you..." Koutarou murmurs into the crook of my neck.

And for once I feel safe. Reconnected, like I just fit so right in his arms, engulfed in his broad shoulders. A slow blush rises to my face as I hesitantly hug back.

No amount of winter's temperature can downplay the warmth in my chest and for a moment I feel a spark of hope in my heart. Because maybe things can go back to the way they used to be.

Despite all of this, I still can't help but have night terrors in the evening. Vivid, flashbacks of the past and corrupted depictions of the future flickered across my mind. A future where Bokuto leaves me in the dust once again, a future where I beat myself up time and time again for being so compliant— so vulnerable— in front of him on this day. Yet at the same time, it just felt right.

Swallowing my fears and anguish I still somehow managed to get some rest.
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________

"Mom, Bokuto-san really doesn't have anywhere to go this holiday... Please can you let me bring him," I stress mid-conversation over the phone to my mother. It's morning and I sit on the side of my bed as light floods through the only window available in the room as fog clouds the view. I press the phone to my ear, blankly looking into the white abyss as I rub my eye.