𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 | bokuaka!

𝟏𝟒.

Bokuto grows comfy in the blanket I provided next to me, as we sit on a relatively comfortable bench. Our bodies a fair distance apart.

"You didn't want to go back?" Bokuto asks, glancing over at me. His cheeks are beginning to dust pink from the temperature. He seems genuinely curious, as his eyes grow sincere.

"Uh, yeah... I didn't..." I awkwardly reply, staring into the quivering clouds that seem to become lost in the night. I sigh to see my breath materialize again, like the last time I was out in the cold. I rest my eyes for a few moments.

"Oh... okay."

"We still have until New Year's to socialize with everyone. That was just a family dinner for everyone that was coming in town, like a gathering dinner."

"I thought that was Christmas dinner—"

"No—"

Bokuto huffs. "At least there will be more food to look forward to."

"Is that all you care about?" I snort, sadly chuckling. A gust of wind nips at us, pricking my skin with goosebumps as I exhale feeling air hit my face, rustling my curls. I fold my arms across my chest to keep warm but the action proves futile as I end up cold anyway.

The other boy sniffles beside me, hand emerging from under the blanket to pull it up further to shield his face from the weather. "You know that's not all I care about." I stiffen.

"Do I?" I harshly mumble. Thinking out loud.

Because I thought I knew what he cared about. Until he left me up and out of nowhere, leaving me stranded with my thoughts. My intuition built off of pure observation. One that knew him so fucking well. It failed me, and allowed him to walk away from me leaving me with nothing but fear of abandonment, one that takes pride in gradually weaving self-doubt into my intellect. A degrading trait for someone driven by logic like me.
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I feel myself slipping again, into a headspace I'm actually quite hyperaware of, so familiar with, a place where my pain is so normalized; that I sometimes I forget what it feels like to be without it.

"My bad," He replies softly, about to say something before he lays eyes upon my now shaking figure. "—Hey, you're shivering..." He whispers as I attempt to hold myself together. I clench my jaw and keep my head lowered.

Suddenly the there's a warmth around me, in the form of his blanket. He wraps it around me, trying not to let his hands linger too long until I'm submerged in it and he pulls away; respecting my boundaries. I look at him, before impulsively reaching for his wrists, pulling his arms back around me. I unravel the blanket surrounding me, to string it over Bokuto, too. And I lean on his shoulder, recollecting my thoughts under his touch in a conflicting decision.

"T-That was sudden," Bokuto murmurs, the tip of his ears growing red.

"You're the unpredictable one. Leaving me then coming back and being so kind to me, showing that blatant honesty back there." I sigh. "I'm really confused right now. Even though I can't figure you out, indulge me in this moment just once." I snuggle into his side a bit more, touch-starved and at a loss of thought.

"I truly realized what I messed up, Keiji. I'm really striving to make sure it isn't a repeat this time. Because I can't fix what I destroyed."

I can feel tears welling up, but they're not entirely sad.

I'll be sure to regret being so compliant and vulnerable in the morning, but for now this feels like all I need. I can sit here for a lifetime in his arms.

"Not without a time machine at least." I half-heartedly joke, peering at the sky above as my eyes seem to swell, on the verge of bursting.

"Yeah, you're right."

When we shuffle back into the house after a late night my Aunt gives me a knowing smile, as I roll my eyes to kiss her goodbye. She pulls on her faux fur coat while talking to us, chatting away when Bokuto decides to speak up.

"Thank you, Miss! It was a pleasure to meet you today!" He bows for the millionth time. Seriously, how many times is he going to bow.

This really means a lot to him, huh?

I shake the thought from my head. I'm already beginning to grow upset with myself for my vulnerability, and the last thing I need is to be feeling sympathetic. My Aunt's expression only lights up more as she pats his head during his bow. And when he returns to normal height, my relative continues to pat his head despite the mounds of gel. He looks like a happy puppy under my aunt's arm.

"Take care of him, Keiji~!" She cheers as I sigh.

I wave goodbye to other relatives, those I didn't get to see much of today as they gripe about how much they miss me with a hug. I can only softly smile at them and wish them home safely with a wave.

After most of the relatives have finally cleared out, Bokuto and I are left in the huge cabin along with my mom, grandparents, and a couple of my cousins who somehow convinced my mother to stay the night. I urge Bokuto up the stairs and into our shared room.

When I open the door with a sharp creak, the room is rather bland and simple, except paired with a small balcony. There's a small desk in the corner, and a ticking clock above the doorway of the balcony. The wallpaper is clean cut, full of warm colors, yet diminished in the dark. It's a plain room, voided of any characteristics that could make it stand out.

"I'll sleep on the floor," I state, flicking on the lights. A few steps into the space later, Bokuto pipes up.

"No way! Not in you own house. I'll sleep on the floor."

I sigh, not caring to object, "Alright." I set my phone down to charge, unaware of the notifications that lingered in the center, from a certain someone.

word count: 1053