隐蔽 [clandestine] | yizhan

一

Waking up with sweat dripping all over his face. He was not sure if he wanted to call it a peaceful dream or a nightmare. He shivered sitting in his room alone with the rain pouring heavily outside.

Wrapping himself in a fluffy blanket, he looked around the room as if he was searching for something but, there was nothing. Eyes showing no emotion.

He had been in this room for almost 3 days without having a bite of food and only consumed water. Slowly getting up, he left the tiny comfort. Taking tiny steps to the bathroom.

He had not showered for days, looking at himself in the mirror, eyebags that were so dark it looked as if it was consuming his soul.

He chuckled lowly "pathetic".

By taking a long bath, he felt a little better. But he wasn't ready to face the world. He feels comfortable here, within these four walls where nothing could disturb him and torture his mind.

His stomach growled for food. Instead of grabbing something to eat, he punched his stomach trying to surpass hunger. He tried convincing himself that he was fine.

Laying on the bed, the blankets perfectly hugged his thin body. Sighing in comfort, he tried calming his busy mind for a second but he could only see the lights flashing. Which made him to immediately open his eyes.

"Impossible" he muttered to his lonely self.

Looking at his bedside table, he saw the phone that had been abandoned for the past few days. With shaky hands, he reached out to grab his phone. Turning it on, it took a while to reboot its system.

His heartfelt anxious. Finally, he saw his lock screen, asking for a password to identify its owner. As he was sitting in the dark with only a little light source from his window, the phone face ID did not recognize who he was.

He quickly typed in his password yet so carefully. As if his fingers learned ballet. Notifications poured in immediately. 1000+ messages, 800+ calls, and others from his social media which he had abandoned for months. First, he clicked on his calls, 229 calls from both his parents, 200 from his manager, 195 from his juniors, and 400+ from Bo❤️.

He quickly pressed the first call log. After a few rings, "Zhan?" a worried female voice came to the line sounding hoarse. "Ma.." He called out trying his best to sound normal. "Zhan, where have you been? It has been four days since you called? Is everything okay?" His mother continued to ask more questions about him but he only replied with a short "I'm fine ah-Ma" he tried sounding happy.

His mother on the other side sounding more worried than ever "Zhan, Pa, and Ma are always here for you if anything happens" his mom said so softly that it almost convinced him to pour our everything to his mom but of course he could never do that. He did not want to worry his parents.

He wanted to end the call as quickly as possible "Ma... I know I'm always thankful for you and Pa. I have to go now Ma, I'll call you tomorrow" he tried his best. He did his best. This is what he was at best.

"Okay, Zhan..please take care" Zhan gave a chuckle trying to sound convincing "Will sure do Ma..you too okay?" She replied worriedly with "Okay Zhan..Bye" and ended the call.

It was just one small phone call that had not last for more than 5 minutes. But was enough to break him down. He cried while the phone just slid through his fragile fingers, falling on to the ground.

Not bothered to picking it up but instead he turned around and snuggled closer to his bolster and stared at the wall while his tears fell on the white pillow.

Finally he drifted off to sleep again, repeating the same cycle for the past 3 days. It was only an hour before he woke up again with sweat dripping on his face. Looking at the ceiling, feeling empty, feeling confused, feeling sad.

He tried to gather his strength, slowly looking around his room. It was filled with tissues and clothes. Clothes that were torn. He could not help but, laugh loudly at the sight in front of him, he was starting to lose his mind.

He wanted food. When was the last he ate? The thought just ran to the back of his head, his mind screaming "FAT" was he? He almost resembled a skeleton that you would see in science class, wrist so fragile. But he loses the urge to starve himself and wore a black hoodie and sweatpants.

Walking out of this lonely apartment, he inhaled the air outside. It smelled nice after the rain, despite the carbon monoxide. The building behind him got smaller insight as he walked to the convenience store.

The bell rang indicating someone had entered the store. The employee smiled brightly "Welcome to 7-Eleven", wasn't he too cheerful? He replied with a small nod and continued walking to the back shelf.

Chocolates, that's what he wanted. Looking at the not so large selection, he took one from every section. He heard the bell again but ignored. Why would he want to bother? Finally grabbing the last one, he heard a bunch of teenagers laughing being so carefree.

He walked up to the counter and poured out all the chocolate that he held in his arms. The cashier simply took his time scanning one by one. "It would be 57.90" Zhan took his wallet out which only had 100 dollar bills. He quickly paid wanting to get out of here fast.

Grabbing the plastic bag he walked away while the cashier was still taking the balance amount, "Sir, your balance!" He stopped in his tracks "Keep the change" and continued walking to the dead apartment.

Walking back into his room, an awful smell hit him. He shut the door tight and locked it. Heading back to his spot, slowly he laid on his bed letting it swallow his body. After a few minutes staring into nothing, he heard his ringtone. God, he needed to change it.

He picked it up without looking at the caller, his fault "Hmm" and his eyes widened when he heard the other's voice "Zhan-ge!" He brought the phone to his face and checked the caller ID, the person he least wanted to talk to.

He physically facepalmed and continued "Hm, Yibo" as if nothing had happened.

"Ge it has been days. Where are you?" Yibo who was usually calm sounded so restless. "I'm fine ah Yibo hahaha" Zhan tried convincing him while completely ignoring his heart that was beating fast. "Can we meet up?" Yibo quickly asked, being impatient.

"Hmm, not sure but why?"

"I need to tell you something"

"You did not have to call me more than four hundred times"

"I was worried"

"Don't worry too much and you can just tell me on the phone"

"I want to meet you today at XX cafe, it's a private cafe at 8 p.m. Tell them that you're with me"

Yibo ended the call without waiting for Zhan to respond. Zhan could only hear the beep at the end of the call. What was up with him? He tried calming his beating hard. He thought to finally be productive and clean his messed up room. Sighing as he got up, he saw the mess even more clearly.

Zhan was usually a perfectionist but what made him to this extent? He slowly walked towards the pile of clothes that were torn, he sighed again trying to find a black plastic. Finally finding one he quickly cleaned the place.

After a few hours he finally cleaned his room, 3 whole black plastics were tied neatly and kept near his door. he vacuumed the room and finally sprayed air freshener.

With his hands on his waist, he smiled a little. Being proud of himself. His remaining clothes that were not thrown were soaked in water for a few minutes and he washed it like he usually does.

Zhan never liked the idea of having a washing machine, it did not clean the clothes well so he washes it by hand. After drying all those clothes, he sat back on his clean bed. He looked around his room and felt happy a little seeing everything is back into its place.

Taking his phone he noticed it was already 6 p.m. He decided to take a shower and nibble on his favorite chocolate, KitKat. Time moved so fast as it was already 7:45 p.m. He was too caught up eating one small chocolate.

He quickly booked an Uber and locked his room door heading to the cafe