2021

Chapter 1: Greetings from the Modern Jesus

Fuck.

Sweet Fuck.

If you are someone who doesn't like hearing swearing, i would recommend not reading further because i'm gonna swear a lot.

i mean, seriously, what the fuck.

I looked around the street as i tried climbing up the fence. The streets were absolutely empty as they should be. Everyone was stuck in their houses and the street dogs had become the rulers on the road. But i knew there was someone out there still pursuing me and i couldn't afford to get caught. 

I jumped over the fence into the empty lawn. It was late at night. Even if i was the most wanted guy on  the planet now, no logical person would sacrifice their sleep to check outside. The sound of sirens slowly faded away as i finally managed to get a breath.

So, i should probably clear up what in hell is happening to my life right now.

I was a normal 16 year old dude living in the city. 

Like a typical kid trying to survive high school, i had tons of homework and exams to take care of.

Unlike a typical student, i didn't have my parents living with me. Now, before you get all weepy about me let me explain that they aren't dead. My parents have been divorced for a modest ten years now which forced me to live alone with my grandma.

She was sweet and all and made the most delicious meals i had ever tasted but it wasn't always the same without having a mom to cuddle with or a dad to watch sports with. They didn't really tell me or grandma where they both went because the divorce was pretty rushed and they didn't know what to do with a 6 year old. 

"They are wonderful human beings, peaches", grandma would comfort me but i didn't really know. I don't remember much of them being together and i never met them afterwards. And now that there is a global pandemic going on, lets just say my chances of meeting them are pretty slim.

Yeah, with the recent corona-virus outbreak (or "COVID-19", to make me sound more knowledgeable) has put numerous places under complete lock-down. Which i'm pretty happy about because: NO SCHOOL!

I wasn't a role model in school or anything. I was a pretty average student but that's mostly because i am a huge social media freak. But its not like the futile procrastination thing where i just watch hours of Netflix with my dinner in bed, or scroll for an hour through Instagram just to pass time.

(i mean, i do that sometimes, but hey, even you do)

I love doing stuff on the net. Tweeting as much as possible, posting vines on YouTube or reaction videos (any Directioners out there?), or growing a popular meme page on Instagram. The point is, i had a better social life in my virtual world than in reality. 

And that's where the trouble started.

It was a normal day in Quarantine. 

2020 had started off with a rough start after the death of Kobe Bryant, then the threat of a World War 3 to finally a global pandemic.

It really sucked staying at home though because each day felt the same. I felt like being in one of those movies where you keep repeating the same day until you do something right.

Well, hence i don't know which day, but it all started one fine normal day at the start of 2020.

I had opened by twitter through my account "Night emotions". Its mostly about me posting a bunch of motivational quotes and stuff and i would occasionally tweet current affairs too. I loved watching the news and seeing President Donald Duck talk nonsense. It was great fun as i usually lay on my bed with my laptop open laughing to the hilarious comments he makes while grandma suspiciously looks at me.

I don't know what exactly clicked in me but the next morning right after i woke up i had this thought about him starting a war in the exactly fucking way it happened. And do you want to know the worst part of this story? I actually tweeted about it as a joke from before and it actually happened.

So yeah, that was fine. coincidence.

Then, i predicted the shooting down of an Ukrainian jetliner in Iran. It was just a random thought i got after going through the newspaper, and being a social media addict i tweeted about that too. And i never stopped, as i did the same for floods in Indonesia, communal riots in Delhi, a volcanic eruption in the Philippines, a locust infestation in Africa. And i had to fucking tweet about it.

You may be wondering, how the fuck did you 'predict' all those happening from before.

Trust me i don't know. And notice how i put the word 'predict' in quotes. Its because, trust me, i am no fortuneteller. I just wake up one day and have a brand new thought in my mind and decide to tweet about it. Its surprising how every single one of them clicked in 2020.

My followers on twitter forced me to change my name to "messenger of god", which by the way, i do not like. I am no Jesus. Dude just imagine Jesus actually coming to the world right now:

Jesus: Hey, I've been taking a short break, how are stuff in the world?

Me: A guy ate an under-cooked bat and now we are all unemployed.

And, in case you are wondering. Yes. I tweeted about an upcoming global pandemic too. I do know the reason behind this one though. Its not some spiritual awakening. It was another day at home, after school. I downloaded this new game i used to play whilst in class 7 called "Plague inc."

(Since i'm not allowed to advertise an app not sponsoring me i will not tell you about this absolutely cool game where you need to create your own virus and destroy the world).

So anyways, i took a day off social media that day, I finished my homework and at night, i lay on bed playing the game- developing the virus and almost managing to destroy all the countries before the doctors beat me by creating a cure.

I was tired and i opened twitter right before going to bed, just because i had.

And yep, you guessed it. I tweeted about a possible global pandemic.

And the next fucking day the newspapers came with the news about a possible global threat.

Ever since that tweet my followers on "Messenger of God" had increased by a great deal. People will convinced i was some kind of Oracle and it made me highly uncomfortable.

Because that one of the main fucking reasons, i'm out in someone else's lawn on the run from a police car.

You wanna know what the heck is happening to Earth around at my time and how in hell did i end up where i end up? Cool. I'll tell you my story.