Choices

Choosing Day (Natalie)

A/N- two updates in one day...whaaaat!  (No frowny faces for meee :P) Anyway, I just wanted to say that whilst this us a fanfic and the events are very different to Veronica Roth ' s book, I will try to keep the order of events the same and also the customs that occurred in the book the same, if that very long sentence made any sense.  For example, I won't change what happens in each faction's initiations or how long it goes for,  etc. Anyway, enjoy the chapter...

Natalie- 

My seat is hard,  plastic and cold. As soon as my eyes opened this morning, two thoughts flashed into my head.

Today is Choosing Day.

What have I done?

I took away my daughter's choice. That's what I have done. I am a terrible, selfish person. I killed a man. I ran away from home. I left David. I disobeyed his orders. But most of all,  I took away my daughter's choice.

Andrew squeezes my hand from beside me, and it takes all my strength not to break down in tears. He doesn't know. Instead, I smile greatfuly at him.

Marcus starts the speech. I can never listen to the speech, because I know that most of it is made up and it drives me crazy. Instead, I look at the initiates. They normally look nervous and are mainly always pale, but today is different. Today, I know there is an Erudite spy transferring, and today I hope we will have an Abnegation spy transferring. If we do, the Abnegation can match anything that Erudite throws at us.

What? I thought all the Dauntless was out of me!

I can't concentrate. My thoughts go haywire and I loose track of everything. I know that the initiates have already started to be called up, but I don't know how far down the line we are. I know that the sky is up, but I couldn't tell you how I am feeling right now. I have lost control of my thoughts.

I close my eyes. I take a deep breath. I reorganize everything in my head. I open my eyes. I look at the line of initiates. I tell myself there are three more to go before Beatrice chooses, four before Caleb (A/N- I changed this because it made more sense to have the 'B' name before the 'C')

I sit. I wait. I watch.

My heart beat seems to have taken over my ears and I can't hear a thing. I only see.

I see as Beatrice ' s eyes widen and she steps forward.  I see as the takes the knife. I don't see as she cuts herself, I stare at my lap. I do see, however, as she tilts her bleeding wrist over a bowl. Her blood ripples the water that catches it.
Erudite. She did it.

I don't see anything else, until Caleb begins to move. I repeat the same steps, mechanically. He gets the knife. I stare at my hands. He moves his wrist.  He tilts it. His blood falls. It rolls down the side of a jagged piece of glass that it has landed on.

Wait.....glass? He chose Candor?

They both left?

There goes my sense of anything again. All I notice is that there is a small, dark spot on the floor, right in front of the Amity bowl. It has my complete attention until I feel everyone start to move around me.

Now.

I stand up and face the Erudite initiates. I find Beatrice ' s eyes on me and I move my head up and down in what I hope was a proud, reassuring nod. But I still see it. I see fear in her eyes. Slowly, I move my hand into a fist and clench it beside my face. I see something click in her eyes, and she understands. I know it.

The determination in her eyes is the last thing is see.

And I know I chose right.