Moving On

Six

SIX
S a n d r a

No, that's impossible, was the first thing that came to mind. I feel like I'm back in that car on the way here, in Oxford, reading my stupid journal, and that stupid truck squashed the car like a bug. I calculate the odds. Is it possible? No. No, I refuse to believe it. He won't put me through that kind of pain. He's not that kind of person. He loves me too much. Or so I'd like to think.

And yet here he is, standing in front of me. Or maybe it's not him? But that's kind of impossible too-those eyes, those laugh lines... everything is a perfect replica of the boy that died a year ago. Then why is he here, standing in front of me if he died?

"Are you okay?" He asks. Thank God their voices aren't the same too, or else I would've completely lost it. He laughs. Why the hell is he laughing? There's nothing funny about this. This is torture. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

Maybe I am seeing a ghost. "What's your name?" I blurt out.

"You want to get right down to business, huh?" He smiles. "I'm Austin. You are?" He introduces himself and stretches out his hand for me to shake.

God, even their names rhyme. "Are you sure it's Austin? I mean have you gotten into a car accident, say, a year ago and had amnesia? And now you believe that your name's Austin when it's really Justin?"

He laughs again. He needs to stop laughing at me! I'm serious. "No," he simply says. "You haven't told me your name yet."

"Sandra."

"Pretty name," he remarks. "What's with the Justin thing, though?"

Should I tell him? No. I don't trust him yet. But how am I going to deal a whole academic year sharing rooms with this stranger that looks completely like the boy I may or may not have liked if I just gave it time? I mean, I'm still conflicted about my feelings for Justin. This is not fair. And besides, I have Luke to deal with. I have promised that I'll keep in touch. How exactly am I supposed to do that if I'm confined in a room with this clone?

"Forget it," I say dismissively. "Can I use the bathroom? Or do you need to use it?"

"Nah, go ahead," he replies. "I'm still finishing things up. You should too, you know. There's this huge welcoming party tonight at the commons."

"I wasn't informed," I say. "Besides, I've got something going on tonight."

"You're going to win Miss Congeniality by the end of the year, you know that, right?" He smirks at me.

"I guess," I suck up his teasing. "Jealous 'cause I already got friends?"

"Ha! You wish," he laughs. "Besides, I'm not keen on making friends here-yet. I don't trust these people. I mean, trust needs to be earned, right? And college is like a huge shark tank: there are only two kinds of people, the predators and the prey. You need to make sure that you're not on the latter."

"Whatever. You talk like a girl." I unload first the things that I needed to get ready and headed off to the bathroom.

Breathe, Sandra, breathe, I say to myself. You handled that pretty well.

-

When I step out of the bathroom, Justin-I mean Austin, was nowhere to be seen. That's good, I told myself. I don't think I can replicate whatever I shit pulled earlier. I'm drained.

My things are exactly where I left them, and it's pretty unorganized yet. I heave a sigh. I scan the room. It's not that small, though. It's sort of big for two persons. Our beds' head boards are facing the wall, and at the foot of the beds are two working desks, one for each of us. Separating our beds is a small bedside table. Great, whenever I roll over to my right side in sleep I'll be seeing Justin's face.