Help me

6

3:05pm

When I got home, I dumped my backpack on the couch and walked into our bedroom. I pulled off my clothes, leaving me just in my underwear and I crawled under the covers with one of Jake's hoodies. Bunching it up slightly, I cuddled it, smelling his cologne and shampoo and unique body smell. My body shook as I sobbed into his hoodie, knowing that the only person who kept me sane was gone, and I didn't know when he was coming back. I cried myself to sleep, silently wishing he was lying next to me.

****
February 18th, 2018, 9:52am

My phone was buzzing incessantly. I was confused when I saw who was trying to call me.

"Hey, Ames. What's up?"

Two hours later, Amy, Charles, and I were sat in her car to South Carolina. We'd been sat in silence for 90 minutes before Amy put on some music. A small smile escaped my lips when I realised she'd put on one of my playlists of all my favourite songs. She turned to me slightly, concern written on her face.

"How've you been? I mean, none of us have seen you in a few weeks."

"It's tough. I miss him so much." I sat playing with my fingers, my eyes starting to prick with tears.

"Hey, like we said before you left, we're all here for you, ok?"

I smiled at her.

"Right, Charles?"

"Oh, yeah. Definitely.." I'd realised it was the first time he'd spoken the entire car ride. I let the tunes fill my ears but I still wasn't in the mood to sing. I was upset and angry, and no amount of Girli or New Kids on the Block or Ed Sheeran was gonna change that.

We pulled up and got out of the car, walking towards the entrance. I made Amy hold my hand the whole way but she didn't seem to mind. When I saw Jake, I practically threw myself at him, holding him tight, afraid to let go.

"Well, looks like someone missed me." He chuckled against my neck.

"Sorry..." I looked at my shoes, untangling from him.

"It's ok, babe. I missed you too." He ran his fingers lightly through my hair before we sat down.

"How've you been? Are you ok?" He looked concerned.

"I'm fine. It's a little tough though. What about you? Are you safe?"

"Yeah, I'm ok. I'm in protective custody cause everyone here hates cops."

"So, sounds like you haven't made any new best friends."

"My roommate Caleb is ok. But don't worry, I'm not trying to replace you, Charles. So what's going on with the case?"

"Well, we haven't seen Hawkins do anything suspicious since you were arrested. We've been trying to track her for weeks but it hasn't paid off...yet." Amy said.

Jake looked at me, confused.

"Holt gave me some time off.. to cope. After you and Rosa got arrested, I was really mopey, and I couldn't get anything done..." He put his hand on my cheek and ran his thumb under my eye.

"You haven't been sleeping, again."

His words made my stomach jump, with guilt and warmth. He noticed all the little things about me and it made me smile.

"Ok, that's enough touching." We broke apart when the warden shouted at us.

"So what's going on in the 99? How's everyone else? Tell me everything.."

As soon as he finished the sentence, an alarm started going off.

"There's an incident in the yard. Inmates, line up."

"What? But I have 50 more minutes."

****
1:18pm

We were sat back in the car in silence. I was playing with my fingers, trying really hard not to cry. Amy put her hand on my shoulder in comfort.

"I know it didn't go exactly as planned, but at least you got to see him."

"That's true.. But once every two weeks for an hour is too long, and it wasn't even an hour."

I heard a scoff from the backseat. I turned to see Charles glaring at me.

"I hardly got to talk to him because of you. The two of you acting all cute and in love. One sentence, that's all I got to say!"

"I'm... I'm sorry, Charles..."

"Well, sorry's not good enough! I miss Jake and Rosa just as much as you do! We all do! But you get special treatment? That's not fair! Just cause you're Jake's girlfriend, doesn't mean you get everything you want.."

"Yeah, like that's always been the case." I hated it when people yelled at me. I was crying my eyes out. "I definitely got everything that I wanted in my life, cause my life 100% hasn't been crapfest since the day I was born." I yelled sarcastically at him. "When I was 8, my dad decided he didn't care about me anymore. I wanted to kill myself when I was 13. My mom died when I was 17, and I haven't seen my brother in 8 years. I was sexually assaulted for the better part of 2 years, and now two of the people I care about most in this world are in prison for something they didn't do. Yeah, I definitely wanted all of those things to happen."

I wiped my eyes carelessly.

"I haven't slept in two weeks cause I keep having nightmares about Donny. Jake always kept me safe from them, but right now, I'm scared to close my eyes."

Amy rubbed the back of my hand with her thumb.

"I didn't know your mom died."

"Yeah, well, it's not something I like to talk about."

"What happened?"

"Overdose. She was on painkillers for her leg, then she got addicted. Then they weren't strong enough so for a while she was on everything. Then one day, we were messing around in the yard and she collapsed.. and she never woke up."

"Did you tell anyone else?"

"Rosa was the first person I told, cause I trusted her to keep it a secret. I told Jake a while back, when we moved in together. I didn't tell anyone else cause I didn't want the pity. Didn't want anyone else to know how sad my life is."

"But it's not anymore. You have a great job, great friends, and a person who really, really loves you."

"Yeah... You guys are the only family I have left."