Author: MauliKundlia
Date: 14, April, 2020
Before I start this review, let me just say congratulations on getting your story featured in wattpad’s reading lists.
Now, for my review. As always, I’ll begin with the cover. The cover of your story is quite interesting. But I’ll be honest with you. If I saw your story, I’d think it’s an anime thingy because of the cover and I’d probably pass by. I think it needs a more mysterious and somewhat dangerous touch to match with the title of the story.
Speaking of the title. I love it. It’s short, full of mystery and makes me want to know just what the story is about. It’s everything a good title should be. If I am to be honest with you, when checking for stories to read on here, I mostly look at their title and cover before thinking of if it’s worthy enough to enter my library. And I am sure many of us here do it. We all judge books by their cover. So sad though.
As for the blurb. While it is interesting, while it captivates my interest, I must say that there are a few missing commas there. Nothing a good proofreading cannot solve. (except you are like me and totally hate proofreading x)
Now, it is time for the main story. Oh, there’s a prologue.
Ahh! I love the first sentence. It’s full of emotion and it’s OMG! Now I really want to know what happened and who he failed. The person probably died? That’d be awfully sad.
Okay, while I am enjoying this prologue, let me point something out. There is something about the flow of the sentences that… How do I put this that’ll make sense? It doesn’t always roll off my tongue easily. Yes! I’ve come across totally unnecessary commas where there shouldn’t be breaks in the sentence. Oh! And in one paragraph, you wrote something like “he thought an eight-year-old kid doesn’t understand anything…”
Doesn’t doesn’t seem right there since you are writing in past tense. How about chaging it to didn’t or something like that?
“Something must have happened between them, while I was lost in my thoughts, because my father had…”
The first comma seems totally unnecessary. It breaks the flow. There are several cases like this, and I just thought to give an example so you understand just what it is I am talking about. Because it would be totally unfair to criticize a work without pinpointing the mistake, if you know what I mean.
Wow! The prologue was intense. I can’t believe he shot her. Though why would he feel like his father killed his mother because he was a weakling? He only a child, there’s absolutely nothing he could have done. It’s just so sad witnessing his mother die. It makes me wonder, what pushed his father to do that? Because it does seem like he loved her. Or was that pretence? Wow! I have to keep reading.
So, to the main story. I like your writing style and other than the misplaced punctuation, this is a rather interesting story. By misplaced punctuation, I mean commas in place of periods, periods in place of commas, missing commas and unnecessary commas. Nothing much, the best of us make mistakes. You just need to proof read the story.
So, to everyone reading this, add Dark Knight to your library and read it asap. (I tried not to give lots of detail so I don’t give out spoilers, but I think you get the idea of what I am trying to say)
Remember, never stop writing.
Love, the fierce tigress.
❤❤❤
