Cherry Blossoms-Bakudeku(angst)

Part 1

TW-Attempted suicide, harsh language, mentions of self harm, gore and suicidal thoughts

Midoria POV:

It started as just another day, nothing special. I helped my neighbor cross the street, saw some heroes capture a villain on my way to school, took notes, ate lunch alone, and finally got to my last class of the day where we discussed career paths. I, just like everyone else in the class, wanted to be a hero, however, unlike everyone else in the class, I didn't just want to enroll in any hero course, I wanted to enroll in the hero course at UA. The only problem was that, also unlike everyone else, I was born without a quirk, I was quirkless. I had always believed that if I just worked hard enough then maybe, one day, I could be a hero too. Just like All Might, if I worked harder than everyone else then I could be the number one hero and save people, just like him. At least that's what I used to believe but, recently it seemed as though reality was a moving wall, slowly pushing against me, crushing me, but I kept on walking, ignoring it's very existence. But eventually it would crush me and I'd end up dead, one way or another. And, honestly, would I even mind? I don't know that I would. I can't afford to think like that though, just keep smiling, just like All Might. I looked up from my notebook just in time to hear my teacher announce to the class that I wanted to enroll in the hero course at UA. I nodded awkwardly and felt my face heat up as everyone around me burst out in laughter reminding me, once again, of the fact that I was quirkless.

I managed to make it to the end of class without spontaneously combusting out of embarrassment and was just packing up my things when Kacchan came up to me. Great. I don't remember exactly what went down but I remember him taking my campos notebook, volume 13, and burning it with his quirk. After a minute or two of me struggling to get it back he threw it out the open window into the coi pond below. The whole encounter is a bit of a blur but I very vividly remember the last thing he said before he left. He said "you know, if you really want to be a hero, there might be another way." Hope sparked in my chest "pray you'll be born with a quirk in your next life and take a swan dive off the roof of the building." The wall of reality chose that exact moment to slam into me and I broke. I'd always admired Kacchan and we used to be good friends, we were inseparable, but after his quirk manifested, something in him changed and he hasn't been the same since. He's not the Kacchan I used to know anymore but for some reason I still can't let go of what we had. Maybe it was the fact that it came from him, maybe I'd realized how stupid my dreams were or maybe I'd just finally given up. Given up on my dreams of becoming a hero, on having what I used to with Kacchan again, on getting into UA, and on life in general. I told myself he was wrong, that I could still have a good life but, deep down, I knew I was the one who was wrong. I'd wanted to be a hero my whole life, it's all I ever wanted, I'd never even considered what I would do if it didn't work out. Failure had never been an option but now, failure seemed like the only option. I hadn't even realized it but I guess I had subconsciously walked to the roof of the school. I felt my feet carry me to the edge and stopped. 'What am I doing? This isn't me! I'm not like this! I'm not suicidal!' But the scars lining every part of my body that wasn't visible said otherwise. I was about to step back from the ledge and go home when I saw it, the Campos notebook that held all my hopes and dreams that I'd ever had. It was practically turned to ash, soaking wet in the Coi pond and fish we're eating it away. My dreams had turned to fish food. What a wonderfully depressing analogy. It was then that I made the split second decision to take one final step forward. I felt myself falling and the world around me seemed to disappear. I closed my eyes and before long I heard the sickening crunch of bones against concrete. I opened my eyes one last time to look up at the cherry blossom trees, the blossoms were especially beautiful this year, a shame no one appreciates them, they die so soon. My vision blurred and I was faced with film of gray that covered the world. A field of trees, blossoming with the most beautiful cherry blossoms I'd ever seen laid before me. I remembered this place, I loved this place. Suddenly I was young again, Kacchan was by my side and we were running, together. His hand grasped mine as we ran through the field together, rolling down hills as we came upon them. We ran past my mom and she smiled at us, she had such a beautiful smile. I was torn from the memory when I felt two strong hands grasp my shoulders. I opened my eyes to the best of my ability to see Kacchan kneeling over me. Was he... crying? That's odd, Kacchan never cries. I felt something tugging at my soul and my eyelids suddenly grew very heavy , I could almost see the cherry blossoms again. I heard Kacchan say something but I couldn't comprehend what it was he was trying to tell me. "Mom, Kacchan, I'm sorry." Those were the last words I said before I went back to play in the field of cherry blossom trees with Kacchan.

Author Note: if i am in any way misrepresenting mental illness, please correct me, i want to be as accurate as possible as to not make the topic seem like a joke. similarly, if you have any writing advice in general for me, id love to hear it. -lee