I want to, but I can't.

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I was really inspired by this song, it is german but maybe you can find a translation somewhere. It just really reminded me of Reylo, it is about wanting to see a person again and just not being able to let go. If I understood the song right, but that is my interpretation. I sneaked a little part of the song in this story. It is Rey's last sentence in the story. I really needed to write something to this song so I did. Hope you like and enjoy it! Finally, I got a new story up, jesus christ.

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She ran through the forest, trying to focus on her actual mission. Rey needs to do the same thing as always, find the red flags and cut them. She ran and ran, looked for the flags but she just wasn't able to focus. It's as if her whole brain just shut off and her eyes just forgot how to see, which can't just happen. Her breathing got heavier, her legs still running. She wasn't able to control her body, at all. She wanted to stop but she couldn't, what was happening? Rey was confused but kept on running. "Stop, what is happe-.", she couldn't feel the ground anymore and before she knew it she fell right on her face. "Shit!", she sat up and touched her nose, "Oh no, seriously? I can't say that I just fell on my face because I didn't see a stone! I'm a Jedi, for god's sake!". She wiped the blood from her nose, which of course, does not stop the bleeding. She stood up and walked back to the base.

She walked in and Finn immediately ran towards her, "What happened?", he said with too much concern for her liking. "I fell, okay? It's just a little nosebleed!", Finn looked at her confused but just followed her on her way without saying a word. Rey was relieved that he didn't talk more, she doesn't want to talk about it right now. Failure is just something she can't deal with well and it annoys her, but it's just something she can't get rid of. When she found some cotton, she stuffed it in her nose and sat down on a bench. Finn sat down next to her. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine but why did you fall down?" "I tripped over a stone." "How did you just trip? That's easy to avoid."  "I know.", he looked at her for a moment, scanning her face. "Sorry, I wasn't trying to upset you." "It just annoys me, I can't control myself!" "What do you mean?" "I couldn't stop my body from running! I wanted to stop but I couldn't and my eyes completely forgot how to see.". She started crying, he rubbed her back, "It's frustrating, isn't it?", she shook her head, "No, that's what upsets me even more. I know why this is happening and I can't get rid of it.". "Why is it happening, Rey?"

The most important and hardest question she ever had to answer. Her mind started spinning, with pictures of him, his face, his hair, his eyes, just everything. She covered her eyes, digging her nails into her forehead. "It's him. I can't even say his name anymore." "I never knew that it affected you this much." "Because you never listened, Finn! Whenever I mentioned his name you had a face of disgust or just walked away!" "He's a murderer and a monster!" "He's not!" She started crying so much, her vision got blurry. "He- ", her breathing started to get heavier again, as if her chest was closing in on her. "He is an angel. He saved my life and loved me in a way no one ever could.". Finn stared at her in disbelief, "You never let me tell you what exactly happened, I never got to mention one of the most important things.", she exhaled and looked at Finn, a curious look on his face. "We kissed, and it was the most beautiful and peaceful feeling I ever had." Finn's mouth fell open. "Finn. I loved him, I still do, and you need to accept that." He closed his mouth and smiled; he pulled her close to him. "I understand.", Rey closed her eyes, "You know, I never got to meet him, really meet him, so I'm not one to judge.". "I knew him.".

They turned around and there was Poe, standing behind them, "I showed him some moves in the cockpit, that's why he was so good at it. ''. Rey smiled at Poe, finally someone who understands, really understands why she loves him. "Ever since he died, a lot of people came up to me and comforted me and empathized with me.", Rey looked up at Poe, with a serious look on her face, "Tell me, why do people suddenly care about us when we die?". Poe teared up a little, she saw it, you don't see him getting emotional often. "Because regret is stronger than gratitude. Everything you said about him made everyone believe that he was a good person and they want to get to know him now. They regret never getting to meet him." Rey smiled at him, tears still running down her face.

"After he went from us, I forgot how to believe in myself. I felt lost and weak. Because the other part of me literally got ripped away from me.", Poe and Finn looked at her on the verge of crying. "I hope you know how everything you say always makes everyone emotional." She didn't, she never thought she ever had a great impact on anyone or anything. It probably sounds stupid after she killed the Emperor but without him, it just feels as if she didn't really accomplish her goal. All she wanted was him. "I just, I wish I could see him. Stand next to him for just one moment. And through his eyes, believe a little more in me, but it doesn't work. I can't do that.".

Poe and Finn embraced her like a little child, giving all the love they could but somehow, it will never be enough for her.

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