Starlight

XXX: Without You

Without you, the ground thaws
the rain falls
the grass grows

- "Without You", Rent

xx.xx

People began bragging online about what their partners had gotten them for Valentine's Day. Robbie deleted her social media before she had to see them make their cutesy April Fools posts.

Then she noticed the bees returning. They hovered above newly-bloomed flowers, gently buzzing, bothering Robbie for her soda as she shuffled home from languid afternoons at college.

Blossom fell from the trees, sometimes twirling and dancing as if they were snowflakes. At other times, when the wind was high, they would fall in sheets and blanket the floor - in any case, she only enjoyed them from behind the glass of her window. She didn't feel like going out much.

On days when the Sun rolled a little higher in the sky, she would consider the fact that she had never been out with Henry on a warm day. She had met him last Fall, and they had fallen thoroughly and vividly in love through the dim Winter evenings. By the time springtime had properly sprung, they had said goodbye.

During the course of those few months, she tried to dull those memories and to quell her longing to make more of them. So Robbie worked on her essays, Robbie read her novels, and Robbie desperately attempted to write a few jokes, to no avail.

Comedy was tragedy plus time, he had told her: but still, she failed to see the funny side. As each day grew warmer, her heart grew fonder, wiser, but sadder. She couldn't laugh. She could do little more than ache.

There'd been no fault in him that she could blame the end on. Their relationship was a victim of circumstance; of overly-entitled little boys who hid behind their rich aunts when they didn't get their own way.

Scott hadn't made a claim; revenge really had been all they were after, it seemed. They had gotten just that, and how - Robbie had continued to fall in love, with no way to show it.

She turned 26 with little fanfare: a phone call from Mel, a cake baked by - and shared with - Danny and Finn. Nothing from Henry, of course. She'd let herself imagine for a moment or two, very late that night, what it would have been like to have him there. Their fleeting, misfit family or four. Or five, if you counted Alexa. The memory left her feeling hollow.

The blossom stopped falling eventually. Robbie noticed the trees grow green, and the sunlight would stream in through the glass, hot and sweet. It beckoned her to wear something other than her sweater: something that showed her shoulders. Summer came scorching through Hatchetfield and with it came the desire to soak up some heat, to lie on cool grass, to go to the lake with Finn and Danny who kept asking...

~~~

"You guys should come in!" Danny hollered from the lapping water, splashing about, his bare skin glistening in the sun. "It's not that cold once you get used to it!"

Robbie squinted at him from her spot on the hot sand. He was shivering.

"I'm good thanks," She called back, her hand shielding her eyes from the blaring light above. "I'm happy just reading my book." She had worn her cutest swimsuit and smothered herself in sunscreen, but her pale skin was already beginning to grow pink and tender. She burned so easily.

Finn frowned and set his vodka down, his sunglasses too big for his delicate features. "You can stop studying, y'know. You passed your finals with flying colors and school doesn't start up again for weeks. Give yourself some time to relax."