Starlight

IX: My Junk

I spend the day wondering
What you do, where you go

I try and just kick it
But then, what can I do
We've all got our junk
And my junk is you

- 'My Junk', Spring Awakening

_____

"And that," Professor Carroll concluded, "Is all the time we have left for today. Thank you all for your discussion, we'll continue looking at King Lear in next Thursday's seminar."

It was only 4pm, but the first haze of evening light had started to pool into the room from the small classroom window, casting pale shadows over Robbie and her fellow students. Winter was drawing in, as was the nighttime, which seemed to start earlier each day due to the change in season.

Whilst the others all chattered about their plans for the upcoming winter break, Robbie shut her laptop lid and gathered up her books, ready to make a swift exit.

"Hey, Robbie," Professor Carroll paused, bag in her hand, leaning against her desk. "Do you mind staying behind for a couple minutes? I need to talk to you about something."

"Oh, sure." Robbie slung her worn leather backpack over her shoulders, trying to seem calm.

Prof. Carroll gestured for Robbie to take a seat. She was a kind-faced woman of about 40, firm but fair, a specialist in Shakespearean tragedy whose passion for teaching was dampened only by her hatred of marking papers.

"Don't look so worried - you aren't in trouble."

Robbie laughed nervously. She knew she hadn't done anything wrong, but her anxiety always sent her mind spinning off into bad places whenever someone "needed to talk to her".

"Firstly - how are you finding assimilating back into college life? I know an interruption can be tough."

"Well," Robbie's mind flickered to Hidgens. "I have been making some new friends."

"That's good. I don't mean to pry; I just know it must be a bit difficult seeing as you're a more mature student. I also know about..." she tapped her chin with the end of her pen, looking thoughtful. "The university obviously knows about your family situation. And I just want you to know that the university has counselling services available to-"

"Oh, yeah, no, that's all- that's all fine. In the past. I'm dealing with it fine." Robbie stammered, saying whatever she could to stop Caroll talking.

She didn't want to think about her past right now. Or ever, really.

"Okay, as long as you know we're here to help. Now the main thing I wanted to chat about - I've been informed by a colleague that you've been receiving some unwanted messages. Is that right?"

Robbie swallowed hard, her mouth going dry. "Uhh, what?"

Carroll sighed. "Apparently you told a member of staff that your ex has been sending you some worrying texts."

The mix of emotions that came swirling around Robbie's head was acutely confusing. Embarrassment: she didn't want anybody else to know. Anxiety: she didn't want to think about Scott or his messages at all. And, admittedly, a small gnawing of betrayal - she thought that this was just between her and Hidgens. Why had he told other people? And how many people had he told?

"Yeah, I-- I mentioned it to Professor Hidgens."

"Okay." Carroll's tone was comforting but firm, like a family doctor. "Are these messages threatening in nature? And is this person a student here?"