Too Far Gone

14

Millie
His grip tightens on my wrist marking his finger prints on the skin. I don't fight back anymore. I have fought too long and too hard to continue fighting him.
He always wins so what even is the point? The familiar music begins to play and I close my eyes pretending to be anywhere but here.
A field full of flowers.
The beach.
The mountains.
The mountains! I love the mountains.
I smile lightly ignoring the pain. Montanian mountains and Wilcoxins ice cream. Huckleberry. The sweet scent of home.
"Are you listening to me, bitch?" I quickly look up into his eyes.
"Y-yes sir."
"What did I just s-"
"Millie." I sit up quickly gasping for air. I look up into Finn's worried eyes not even realizing that I've been crying. "What happened? Are you okay?" He reaches up gently wiping my tears away.
"It felt so real." My voice cracks and I feel the sweat beginning to drip down my back.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I shake my head no quietly sobbing. "Okay okay. Just breathe. Breathe." He pulls me into his chest. I place my ear over his chest listening to his heart beat.
You would think bare skin would make me uncomfortable, but it helps a lot. I slowly calm down enough to look him in the eyes.
"Are you okay?" I nod smiling weakly.
"I didn't wake up anyone did I?"
"No just me. I could feel you tossing and turning. You kicked me and that's what woke me up."
"I-I'm so so sorry, Finn-"
"Don't start. It's okay, Millie. Nightmares are a normal thing okay?" I smile lightly gently tracing hearts on his abdomen.
"Thank you did always being so understanding of everything."
"I don't know what's going on, but I do know that something is. And if you ever want to talk about it, then I'm here ready to listen okay?"
I look down at my hands frowning slightly. I know that I trust him more than anyone and I can trust him with anything, but it's still too hard to talk about. I guess I need to tell him sooner rather than later though.
"Don't feel like you have to tell me because I said that though! Take your time. I'm ready when you are ready."
"Promise?"
"I promise. Cross my heart hope to die stick a needle in the eye." He crosses his heart, cross his fingers, and then jokingly pokes his eye making me giggle. He smiles widely gently brushing my hair out of my eyes.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For always making me smile when I feel like the world is upside down." I can tell his heart eyes are on because I can feel it without even looking up at him.
"You don't have to thank me for that, princess."
"Can we...can we maybe have some tea and...talk?"
"Of course. We have chamomile, herbal grey, lemon citrus, peppermint, lavender, and black tea."
"Do you have honey vanilla chamomile? That's my favorite." He smirks.
"I know it is and that's why I went out and bought some." I giggle feeling my heart grow twice it's size.
"I love you." That's the first time I've said it and have actually felt comfortable enough to say it. I'm guessing he knows that too by the look on his face.
"And I love you more than you'll ever know, beautiful."
I am beautiful. I can do this.