PARADOX - SEULRENE

friends

"since when did you start caring about me?" asked irene, her eyes fixed at you.

you gaped in her direction, feeling like a cold water was poured over you. your heart started pounding crazily, so hard you were worried irene would notice it from your chest. it's supposed to be cold inside the café but you felt sweat starting coming off your forehead.

damn. how should you answer that question? does she already know?

"w-what do you mean?" you asked her instead, trying to stall.

"i'm just wondering," she said, breaking the stare. she went to fiddle with her necklace. "that night at the school party, why didn't you just leave me there?"

it was hard to answer. you were hesitant. "i... uh... i was worried that someone might take advantage of the situation. you're too baked to resist anyone."

she nods. "you... were worried about me...?"

"y-yeah," you said, scratching your eyebrow. "umm. it's not wrong to care for a classmate, right?"

she stares at you with a serious face before nodding again. "yeah..."

"s-should i have just left you instead?"

"no. i'm actually thankful that you did it," she said right away. "it's just that i never thought you somehow... cared for me..."

you blinked at her, unsure of what she meant by that.

"it's just that i always had the feeling you hated me..." she admitted.

you furrowed your brows. "where did you get that?"

"from you?" she said, feigning a smile. "it just seemed to me you never liked me. you never looked my way. you don't talk to me. you don't even smile at me. you never treated me the way you've treated most of our classmates."

you opened your mouth to let her know how wrong she was, but no words came out. you're guilty, yes, but not because you hated her but because you are so damn nervous around her. knowing she won't like you back, you were afraid to do anything that will give her a hint of how you truly feel for her.

but what is she saying now? does that mean that she's noticing you too?

"i woke up that day in your room panicking at the thought i slept with someone the night before," she said. "i panicked more when i realised it was you. my brain was like shouting, 'great, now you've done something that will make her hate you more'."

you stared at her, feeling a wave of guilt building up inside you.

how can you hate her if she's being like this? you've tried to forget her lately by pouring all your attention to hyojung but with just a single moment like this all your efforts became futile and you go back to square one.

to hell with those seuljung shippers. you don't care anymore. you want irene. just her only.

"i wouldn't blame you tho," she said, breaking your thoughts. "students your calibre rarely want to be around students like me."

"no. you got it wrong," you said, almost in a hurry to explain yourself. "i'm sorry. i'm not just as social as everyone. but i never hated you. i don't hate you at all."

her face brightens. "are you sure?"

you nodded. "why would i hate you? i don't see any reason for that."

she planted her elbows on the table and rested her chin on her palms. "even though we're ganging up on your girlfriend?"

you shook your head no. "and hyojung is not my girlfriend."