Faith - Kain Highwind x Reader (FFIV)

IX. The depths of his heart

"Of course." You never would have replied anything else.

Kain nodded, satisfied to have your support with him. While he placed his helmet on the parapet, his hands on top of it to ensure it wouldn't drop into the unknown, he moved his eyes over to the horizon once more. You quietly placed your arms on the handrail as well, closing your eyes to visualize what he was about to tell you.

"You see, I used to live in Baron, a rather large nation south from here. After the death of my father, I followed his footsteps and became the commander of the Dragoons to stop them from going extinct. This job has been the source of my pride for a while now. Generally, life was simple back then. I followed orders by the king of Baron, often together with my childhood friend Cecil." Kain seemed to hesitate, before continuing to speak, "One day he and I received a strange mission from our emperor, which was to kill an Eidolon that apparently was haunting a village. I didn't question it back then, hence I assume that had been my first mistake. With an accident happening in that suburb, I was separated from my friend and had to go back to Baron all alone. There I met someone new, a man named Golbez, who quickly gained control of a quite important military force of Baron. Before I had any time to suspect him though, he took control of my mind as well." Pain and guilt basically dripped from Kain's voice and you could imagine why that was the case. Having your mind taken over must have been a horrible thing.

"Over the course of time, I turned into Golbez's pawn, helping him steal every single crystal, one after another. Though I retrieved control of my mind in between, he still managed to win me over afterwards. It was such an odd feeling, knowing he was constantly using me as his puppet... His grip on my mind was too strong. He..." Kain trailed off, lowering his head, deep in thought. Meanwhile, you gulped, feeling the tension gnaw at your body. "It was because my rivalry with Cecil weakened my mind and focus on important matters. Golbez was a clever man to make use of it." Now actually able to see the Dragoon's face, you recognized him harshly biting down on his lip in frustration. Automatically, you knit your brows, forcing yourself not to stop him. He needed to let it all out right now or otherwise your conversation would have lost its purpose.

Eventually taking a deep breath, Kain's lips turned into a thin line, before he resumed with his story. "After Golbez had managed to gather all the crystals, he took them to the moon, another planet close to our one. I know it sounds strange and I assure you, it was even weird to me, who followed Cecil and a group of others onto that said planet. Once I was freed of the mind control, I discovered that Golbez himself had merely been a tool to someone called Zemus. The latter one had planned on wiping out the blue planet's population. Eventually, after another fight, the whole group, me included, went to the moon to go stop Zemus. Despite actually having been there, it feels like a nightmare at most." Kain's gaze focused on his dragon helmet now, perhaps searching for his pride to encourage him to keep going. "In all honesty, I felt unworthy to aid my friends on the moon and defeat Golbez, after having betrayed them so often. Sometimes, I had almost killed them even, however, Cecil insisted on forgiving me despite what I had done. That was where the blame started piling up."

The man shifted his position, waiting for a moment. You hummed, while otherwise staying silent. Nevertheless, your focus and gaze did not leave Kain for even a second to show him you were paying close attention to his past, offering the warmth of you presence. "I think that finishing off Zemus was what caused this 'black rain'. Perhaps the rest of his power had been released that way and landed here on earth." Kain blinked a few times, now facing you. "Once our group had returned to Baron, I left, seeking the path of redemption. It has roughly been a year now, full of nothing but drowning in my guilt..." You wordlessly nodded, feeling your heart break a little into two upon learning of his past.

Realizing how Kain had finished telling his story, you carefully spoke up, "So this is the point we are at right now. I think it's important for you to admit that you have made mistakes. I can see that even despite the fact that you were under mind control, you still condemn yourself and honestly, I won't blame you. Kain, you are someone who locks his pain away in his heart, reciting it there over and over again. Therefore, I am convinced that opening yourself up now was helpful. However, I don't know what you are feeling. So how about you tell me?" You faintly smiled at him.

It was easy to see that his mood had lit up a little already too when he answered, "I assume my mind is at rest for now. I feel surprisingly lighter if I were to be honest. That probably also is thanks to you for listening to me." His answer was sweet enough to make your heart race again, as you proudly grinned at him. With someone else beside him, accepting his pain, he felt inclined to do so too now, thinking it over once more. "I'm glad I could be of use to you!" You exclaimed clasping your hands together in happiness. The moment of bliss, however, fleetingly faded away, as your mind instantly pushed another question into your mind. What would happen now? Would Kain stay here to seek the path of retribution taught by the monks? Or would he perhaps, yes just maybe, join you on your journey to cleanse the other two orbs? Naturally, you hoped for the latter one, as a small frown snuck its way onto your face.

Kain apparently noticed your change of mood, facing you with one raised eyebrow, his stunning light purple eyes slightly clouded with worry. "What is the matter (Y/N)?" You cringed upon hearing his voice and hurriedly put on an apologetic smile, feeling bad for having ruined the mood. Waving your hands around in the air, you nervously explained, "Oh, well I was simply wondering what the future would look like. Do you..." you dropped your hands, "Do you plan on staying here?" Your question revealed your wish of him not doing so too openly, which caused you to get flustered. Kain narrowed his eyes to a slit and then coughed a little, holding one hand in front of his mouth. Was he being hesitant about something?

"(Y/N) if you wouldn't mind, I would like to accompany you. I feel like taking care of the aftermath of the war directly is much closer to my definition of redemption. Besides, I couldn't possibly..." He ended up whispering, as you imagined to see him bite his lip. Whatever it was, you were already glad to hear he planned on joining you. "Of course I wouldn't mind! I'd be happy to actually have someone as a traveling companion. Also, I honestly believe I do need your help seeing how much you aided me last time." You confessed, scratching your cheek a little. Somehow this atmosphere was incredibly awkward. Slightly sighing, Kain moved a strand of his light blonde hair out of his face, stepping away from the parapet for a moment.  

"(Y/N), may I see your hand for a moment?" Kain asked, albeit rather timidly. You blinked a few times, confused by his request. Nevertheless, you stretched out your right hand, which caused the Dragoon to shake his head. "I meant your left one." Gasping, you glanced at your own fingertips. Although having claimed that you weren't any different from before after having been affected by the darkness, you had to concede you were nervous. Yet you had faith in Kain, knowing he wouldn't contravene you, even if your fingers still would have been tainted black. Taking a deep breath, you gradually offered him your hand, which he gently took in his own. For a moment, both of you simply stared at your skin, not spotting anything unusual. Then, Kain bent forward and in a matter of seconds, which felt like an eternity to you, he softly pressed his lips onto the back of your left hand.

You were in a complete daze, eyes wide open with a bright red blush covering your cheeks. It reminded you of the blessing you had given him earlier on during your journey, when you had left him in Demno. As Kain backed off, he still held your hand in his, while kindly whispering, "This is a token of my loyalty, I offer you for our journey together. I vow on my honor as a Dragoon, I will protect you at all costs. For me it will also be a motivation to move down my path." His soft message echoed through your ears, repeating over and over again, sounding like a sweet lullaby to you. This man made you feel heavenly, utterly gifted actually. It was like he had some kind of magical influence on you.

Mildly letting your hand go, you snapped out of your daydream, still bashful though. Averting your gaze, you nervously played with a strand of your (H/L) (H/C) colored hair, twisting it between your fingers of your right hand, while holding the one Kain had just kissed very close to your heart. "Thank you, I appreciate it..." You muttered, feeling more than just shy. How much you adored this man was a wonder to you. It hadn't been that long, so how was he able to pull you in with such a strong grip? "Well, it's quite late, I think we should rest some more before heading out tomorrow. Shall we go?" Kain suggested, as you gulped down most of your shyness, nodding towards him. "Yes, let's head back." Your voice was soft like his former actions now, as you pulled the cloak around your shoulders closer to you. This had been a divinely night.