A Way Home

The Way Home

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He missed her every day.

He thought about her every day.

He missed her a little more every day.

Wherever he went, whatever he did Namjoo was a part of him. Sehun carried her everywhere in his heart.

To hour long meetings. To business dinners. Conferences. On trips. Car rides that lasted the entire day. When he was alone or resting in his sixth-floor suite. Listening to a song she loved, comforting himself with the thought she could be listening to the same tune from faraway.

Namjoo was always there in his heart. The remnants of her she had left behind for him.

In the office he kept empty at work. Sometimes when he passed, he'd stop the elevator just to peek into the room. Staring at the empty desk. The now dusty computer. Imagine her looking up to see him and grinning, because he had come down for her.

A thick swirl of dust floated from the window where the sunshine was strongest. The thin vase he always planted on the windowsill not there. The lingering scent of flowers nowhere.

He had stopped buying flowers. He had stopped looking at them at all.

And then he would move on, because he had duties to tend to thus life droned continuously. One day into another. The weather turned into sharp cutting winds blowing dried orange, red, newly yellow leaves across the pavement. Fall had arrived.

Namjoo wasn't here to see the city turn dark in the late afternoons; the moon rise as sun hit the treetops. She wasn't here to stroll the streets with him or tuck her hand in his pocket, so he could keep it warm.

She wasn't here with him at all.

At the first snow fall he imagined her donning a thick coat in her favorite color. A soft wool scarf wrapped securely around her neck, maybe to hide the love marks he'd give her if she was here. Hoping she was warm on the other side of the world. Would the snow dust be blowing across the streets where she was? Were children rolling snowman along the banks?

Who had she shared the first snow fall with?

Had she fallen in love?

He hoped she was happy. Please be happy.

He would attest he was doing well. Still healthy, and he took regular trips to the gym. The business down south was running smoothly. Right now, he was prepping a new sports clothes launch. Would she be checking the news for him? He would make sure to dress handsomely in front of the cameras in case she looked for him, so when she read the paper and saw his picture her heart would flutter.

But for now, all was still the same. He was just working and moving along where nature took him.

Sehun spent Christmas and the New Year alone. Watching the sky dim and light back up. Another day. Same thing.

Colorful lights lined the streets from his home. From the window he could see colorful lights strung down the road. Each bulb glowing strongly even through thick snowfalls, like his love for her still rested in his heart. Huge red bows knotted to street lamps adding to the effect of seasonal cheer. The first layers of snow always pure white before turning dark and mucky because of traffic.

He had lost control on black ice one night and hit a pole and ended up in the hospital with a concussion. Nothing serious. Sehun didn't want her to worry. Was she all right over there? Did she drive, walk, or take public transportation? Had the cold gotten her sick?

Sehun was curious, but he couldn't ask. There was no way of knowing.

Was she still coming back?