Don't You Fret, My Dear

"I don't wanna go home right now..."

Meetings. Weeks and weeks of meetings. It felt like we were never going to come up with an actual solution. The King and the guards could barely agree on what to do, what actions to take. I was invited to a few of the late-night meetings , but those were never fun; too many standoffs and raised voices and questions I was still learning how to answer. 

It was all beginning to seem pointless, too. There were no more nightmares. No visions, nothing. I had returned to sleeping in my own room, feeling it was inappropriate to stay in Rapunzel's when it wasn't needed. She looked upset when I told her this, but she didn't try change my mind.

I had spent the first few nights alone sleepless. Partially because I was afraid I'd have another episode, but it was more than that. I was still trying to read Rapunzel's expression when I told her I wanted to sleep alone. She looked sad. "Of course she was!" my brain shouts at me, "Her husband just died!" But it feels like their was more to it, something less about Eugene and more about me. But as more time went on, I found myself realizing I didn't really want to leave, not at all. I craved that security, in her arms. And it felt good to be of some help to someone, to feel important to them.  

I didn't know how to communicate this, either. The whole thing is all so confusing, my attachment to her. We've grown really close over the course of a few months, we'd talked about everything under the sun with each other. I should be able to talk to her about it, set myself at ease. But I couldn't. I'd spend the entirety of our meetings in the study sitting on the opposite side of the couch from her, afraid of getting too close. We'd exchange glances every so often, a sigh even. But nothing more. When we did end up spending alone time together, as I was still instructed to watch her during the day, we'd only take part in small talk; the weather, the food; or reading books aloud to each other in the library. 

There was one afternoon, she had brought a blanket, some food, and books out onto the balcony, and invited me out there with her. 

"I thought'd we could read out here, for a change of scenery." She told me. I agreed, as it did sound nice. We laid in the sun, reading poetry and fables, snacking on bits of food. She would braid my hair with flowers from the vines growing up the castle, as I laid across her lap.

The sun on my skin, the fresh air, the feeling of her playing with my hair, all of this relaxed me. For the first time in forever, I wasn't feeling completely terrified of being alone with her. I thought about bringing up everything that had been going on in my head lately, but I still didn't know how. Somehow she sensed this, I think, because she asked, 

"What's on your mind, Katt?" 

"I don't know, or, I don't know how to tell you." I'm still laying on my side across her legs, looking out at the kingdom below us. I notice two birds flying around, then disappearing to the right as they leave my view. I slide off her lap and pull my legs to my chest, and face her. 

"Have you had any more nightmares?" she looks concerned. 

"No, it's nothing like that. It's just, ever since I moved back into my room," my hands start sweating again, and they shake a little, "I've missed you. I know it was my idea to leave, and I thought it's what was best, what I wanted, but it's not. I can't, I can't sleep without you." My voice trembles a little now, my cheeks get hot. I can barely look into her eyes, but I do. Her cheeks are red and her expression is hard to read. She snaps out of it.

"I've been having trouble sleeping too. Not nightmares, but just...I miss having someone. I miss Eugene, oh God, how I miss him. But I miss you too, as crazy as it is." she blurts out. 

"What do we do?" I ask. 

"You could come back?" she offers. "It wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Are you sure? What about your parents, would they think it's bad? Inappropriate?" 

"I don't know. But they want you to keep an eye on me, this is just that to them, right?"

"I guess that's true," I relax a little, " We can't be losing sleep right now, anyways. We need to be alert."

"Right."  she says. My worries die down, and we return to our picnic. The distance i had felt between us over the last few weeks has dissolved, and it feels good to have my best friend back.

"My best friend..." I realize, "That's what she is...that's what this is...that's all this is..." 

                                    *                                    *                                        *                                         *

That night, I go back to her room. We take turns getting ready for bed behind the dressing screen. I turn down the covers, and we both crawl in and find a place in each others arms. No nightmares, no nights spent staring at the ceiling, trying to configure the racing thoughts in my head. 

Just peaceful sleep and the comfort of a friend.