Balancing Love ☞︎ A Jesse St. James fan fic

Tonight Will Not Be A Trainwreck, I Will Make Sure Of It!

I was woken up in the middle of the night by a distressed Rachel. I was glad she hadn't woken Jesse up... She dragged Kurt and I into the kitchen and explained her wacky dream to us. Kurt had offered to make tea.

"I don't know why you're so anxious. You killed in the the previews up in Syracuse." Kurt assures.

"Really, you were fantastic." I rave. Rachel shakes her head.

"No. You didn't read any of the reviews." Rachel groans.

"Of course we did!" I protest.

"Yes, I did, I read every single one." Kurt countered.

"No, you only read the legit ones. You guys did not read the independent bloggers or you didn't read the comments sections." Rachel rambled as Kurt handed us all our tea.

"I thought we said to stay out of the comment section." I reprimand.

"Well, I couldn't help it, and now it's like they're my anxiety avatars. Like the people in my dream. They're the voices of all the self-doubt that I've ever had about myself. And, you know, why do people become actors in the first place. You know? It's because we want to be loved. We're like a... bottomless cup that just constantly needs to be filled with love and validation." Rachel rambles as Kurt sits. Kurt and I glance at each other with a look.

"Give me your phone..." Kurt trails off. Rachel hesitates but hands it too him. "You're being unplugged until after your opening night." Kurt says, nodding. We both stand up.

"Wait."

"No going on the Internet for anything." Kurt says, marching to his room to hide the phone.

"All the greats do it." I say as Kurt names the greats.

"None is them reads reviews or blogs or check Twitter. Ok? We are going to hermetically seal this loft into a big love bubble and fill it with positive affirmations and validations from people who know you and love you and have no doubt that you're going to be amazing. If you need your cup filled, we'll fill it right here." Kurt says supportingly.

"Ok." Rachel nods before she hugs us both.

Much later that day people from glee are heading in for tonight and are planned to stay with us... yay. Kurt opens the door as Jesse and I remain at the table. Sam, Blaine, and Mercedes were already here.

"Tina." Kurt greets.

"Hello, big fat broadway star." Tina greets. Rachel smiles widely and goes up to her and hugs her.

"About time." Sam says. Jesse and I get up and head to the living room. Jesse sits on the ground and I sit in his lap.

"These are for you." Tina says handing Rachel flowers. I glare at them.

"Yay. More flowers." I say motioning to the table. Rachel mouths something to Tina.

"Oh, no. Do you have laryngitis?" Tina asks. Rachel shakes her head.

"Oh, no, she's just resting her voice." Kurt says as Rachel puts the flowers with the others.

"Oh, thank god. This would not be a good time for your tonsils to flare up again. Remember that? First year of glee club? Hey, where is everyone? Rachel's opening night on broadway is a big deal. And where's artie? I was hoping to get to see him." Tina goes on and on, probably making things worse. Rachel gets back on the couch.

"Oh, his short film bags in the wind got accepted in the ft. Lauderdale international short film festival." Kurt says.

"Oh, that's too bad. I mean, what about Quinn and puck and Santana? I mean, are they just not being supportive?" Tina rants.