"Shhh… Jessi."
Jessica immediately stopped her sobs and held her breath. She froze with her body completely hidden under the blanket, not daring to turn her head around to see who it was. Though, there was only one person in this world who called her "Jessi."
"Jessi, I know you're not sleeping."
Jessica's bed shifted as Tiffany climbed in. She didn't want to turn around and to have Tiffany see her puffy eyes. But when Jessica heard silent sniffs coming from her friend, she practically kicked the blanket away.
"Why are you crying?" Jessica shot up into a sitting position and put a hand on Tiffany's arm, worried. She couldn't really see Tiffany's face but there was no doubt that Tiffany was shedding tears too.
"We—we fought," Tiffany sniffled.
"Again?" Jessica rubbed Tiffany's back comfortingly, knowing it was about Taeyeon. "But I thought you guys had made up earlier?"
"We have," Tiffany said sadly. "But somehow in bed we ended up talking about Yuri again."
Jessica sighed. She pulled Tiffany in for a hug, comforting herself also. It wasn't until then that Tiffany remembered she was crying too.
"Jessi, you were thinking about Yuri too, weren't you?"
Jessica didn't reply, but Tiffany knew she was.
"Can I ask you something?" Jessica whispered instead.
"Of course."
"Why did you agree for Yuri to stay?" Jessica sighed. "I know she'd be able to stay no matter what everyone said, but you didn't know about the contract when you were defending her."
"I wasn't defending her," Tiffany took Jessica's hands into hers. "I was just... it was... I thought..."
Tiffany stopped, thinking how to explain. Her eyes had adjusted to the darkness, and she looked at her friend sincerely. It was late in the night, but the lights from the parking lot outside were lighting up the room just enough for Tiffany to find Jessica's eyes.
"You still love her so much... I saw it in your eyes."
Having been seen through, Jessica was rendered speechless. Was it really that obvious?
She bit her lip as she let go of the tears she was holding back. It was true. What Tiffany said was true. Jessica couldn't hide this from her best friend, couldn't deny it in her heart. Emotions welled up inside her as tears just streamed down her face, landing on the hands Tiffany was holding tightly. Jessica held back a sob as she realized Tiffany's eyes were starting to water too.
"I'm fine," she quickly said, but didn't even bother to wipe her eyes.
"You don't have to act brave in front of me," Tiffany's voice cracked as she shook her head. "I was afraid that if you sent her away, you would regret it later. This way you have more time to decide. Jessi, what if she had changed? For you?"
Things like that only happen in books, Jessica bitterly thought.
"Fany, I really don't know," Jessica sobbed. "I wish she was! But everytime I see her, I get reminded of what she had done. I get reminded of how she said she didn't love me. I get reminded that I'm supposed to hate her. I get reminded of her grandfather, of Jiyong, of what they had done to my grandfather, and now my father. I'm scared about dad, Fany, do you understand? I'm scared about mom, about Krystal! I'm scared of what Yuri might have on her mind! I'm scared if I keep being naive, I'll be the one who harms my family again!"
Jessica sobbed and breathed. Tiffany immediately embraced her trembling friend.
"I hate myself for not being able to completely hate her, Fany," Jessica continued wailing against Tiffany's shoulder. "I hate myself for still wanting her after all she's done. It makes no sense! Why can't I stop loving her? She doesn't deserve it! She doesn't deserve it..."
