Till I See You Again

PART TWELVE

There's a song based off of this chapter, the ''s are the song breaker.

Stiles's POV:

I was lying on my bed, tossing and turning. It had been one week since I broke down in Lydia's car and I hadn't been back to school since, I couldn't. And I know that sooner or later either the pack or my Dad would have to force me to go to school and force me to move on but how could I? How could someone be normal or whatever that word means nowadays when they watch the love of their life choke on their own blood or when they have to take weeks, months, even years to feel semi normal because you know, deep down, that normal is something that you'll never get to be again.

I was doing a lot of tossing and turning back and forth, one second I would be looking at my ceiling and the next second, I would be burying my head into my pillow. I had my earbuds in, drowning out the already quiet house. I opened my eyes, looking into my closet through the half closed, half open door. I slammed my hand on my bed before jumping up, slamming the closet door shut before walking back over to my bed, placing my hand against my covers as the next song in my playlist played.
-
'When life leaves you high and dry
I'll be at your door tonight if you need help, if you need help
I'll shut down the city lights,
I'll lie, cheat, I'll beg and bribe to make you well, to make you well
When enemies are at your door I'll carry you away from more
If you need help, if you need help
Your hope dangling by a string
I'll share in your suffering to make you well, to make you well'
-
I pushed myself back over to my closet door, swinging the door open with force as I grabbed my backpack from off of one of my shelves, my hands were shaking as I unzipped the bag, dumping everything out onto the ground, clothes, mostly Derek's clothes that he didn't know I took when he let me spend the night were in there, along with notes that I would write for him but never actually planned on giving it to him. As I bent down to look at everything that had once remained shut in my backpack, tears sprang back into my eyes as memories flashed into my mind. Stupid, dumb memories that meant absolutely nothing since I knew Derek was dead and he was never coming back.
-
'And I would do it for you, for you
Baby I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You would never sleep alone
I love you long after you're gone
And long after you're gone, gone, gone'
-
Everyone always said that Derek would want me to move on but I couldn't because someone moving on from him feels like I'm throwing away everything we had, everything we did, what would that feel like with someone else? And that's a question that I don't want the answer too because I didn't want to move on because I don't want to plan a future that doesn't have Derek in it. That night when I saw him take his last breath, his last smile, say his last word, my body had gone completely numb. I lifted up a piece of paper that I had written for him a couple of months ago: I love you, Derek, always and forever. My hands were shaking as I held onto the piece of paper that my eyes scanned thousands of times.

"I'm sorry, Derek. I couldn't save you and I will never forgive myself for that." Tears had fallen onto the white piece of paper as I wished I could have done things differently, I would trade my life for his.
-
'I surrender honestly
You've always done the same for me
So I would do it for you, for you
Baby I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You would never sleep alone
I love you long after you're gone
And long after you're gone, gone, gone'
-
I lowered the piece of paper as the music continued blaring through my headphones, I grabbed a photo that we had taken with the pack, Derek was to the right of me, and the rest of the pack members were scattered throughout the photo. It was hard to see everyone's faces since we couldn't put the flash on but even in the darkness, I knew what Derek looked like, he had the same stupid smile he would only have if I had said something he liked. I ran into the kitchen, grabbed some tape before running back into my room. I placed the photo on my back wall, directly in the middle.
-
'You're my backbone, you're my cornerstone
You're my crutch when my legs stop moving
You're my headstart, you're my rugged heart
You're the pokes that I've always needed
Like a drum baby don't stop beating'
-
I ended up doing that with the rest of our photos, notes, everything that me and him did together was now on my wall, tapped together, before I dashed over to my desk, now looking up everything I could find about the hunters of Beacon Hills, if the cops weren't going to solve the murder of Derek Hale, I was.
-
'Baby I'm not moving on
I love you long after you're gone
For you, for you
You would never sleep alone
I love you long, long after you're gone'
-
I backed up from the wall after an hour of research and taping, I stared at the wall that was once empty and now was filled with notes and photos of Derek and I and information about where the hunters used to live, what type of work they do now, anything and everything. I took a step back, stepping on another photo. This one was just me and Derek. I stared hard at the photo before tapping it in the only available spot as I grabbed a pencil and paper as I wrote: Why did I have to lose you too?? I tapped both the photo and the note together before placing it on my wall.
-
'My heart never stops beating for you
And long after you're gone, gone, gone
I love you long after you're gone gone gone'
-
I grabbed one of Derek's old T-Shirts and placed it over my head as I whispered to myself. "Remember I love you, forever and always." And with that, I walked out of my room.