Read: Old Connections

Chapter 7 - ???????

Nicole: Hey Mark! Hope you enjoyed your evening! I sure did! 
Mark: Yeah I am Nic. Where am I though?
Nicole: Mark... Have you lost your mind again? 😂
Nicole: We just finished dancing at the park a few minutes ago. Cmon Mark where has your mind been all day? 😂
Mark: I'm kidding Nic. 😂
Nicole: Haha 😂
Nicole: This is the first time that the park decided to display fireworks today btw.
Nicole: I really wasn't expecting any of this to happen.
Nicole: I mean to be honest, I was pretty impressed with how much effort they put into it and a lot of people showed up while we were there. Aren't we lucky?
Nicole: Mark why do you think there were fireworks displayed there today?
Mark: Maybe it was a one-time event?
Nicole: Yeah you might be right dude! This was a great way to get people out there, especially on a day like this.
Nicole: Man we had such a fun night.
Nicole: I mean, I honestly thought that was it when there was a fireworks display but then when I saw people setting up food tents and live music, I was quite stoked. It became a night worth remembering.
Mark: Yeah I'll never forget that night.
Nicole: Yeah... Mark can I ask you something?
Mark: Go ahead Nic
Nicole: Are you sure you feel better now? I mean, I know it seemed like you were okay when we spent the rest of the night at the park but when I hugged you before I left, you looked sad after walking away.
Nicole: Please Mark tell me... Do you still feel hurt after I rejected you?
Mark: Yes Nic I am. I really thought you felt the same way about me when I confessed to you a few hours ago.
Nicole: Aww Mark now I really feel bad.
Nicole: Okay I'm past my sleeping time but I'll stay up a bit so I can comfort you alright?
Nicole: I can't sleep knowing that my bestfriend is still sad and heartbroken.
Nicole: Hey I have an idea! Let's play a game! I'm going to ask you a couple of questions but this though, you're free to answer however you want.
Mark: Sure I guess..
Nicole: What qualities do you value most in a girl?
Mark: Her intelligence.
Nicole: What personality do you want her to have?
Mark: A balance of both would be nice.
Nicole: What mindset should she live by?
Mark: A practical mindset.
Nicole: Interesting feedback Mark...
Nicole: That's all by the way! You can always come to me for help.
Nicole: I haven't talked to Jake's sister in a while but she's friends with all kinds of girls. Kate is great with relationship advice btw and we can help you out whenever you need us.
Nicole: I should totally introduce you to her!
Mark: But there is no other girl out there that I want Nic. The only girl I have in mind is you. Don't you understand? I love you Nic and I hope that one day you'll have feelings for me again, even if I have to wait for a long time.
Nicole: Do you really love me Mark? 😔
Nicole: Then why didn't you visit me at the hospital? Why did you make me feel like I didn't have anyone to lean on when I felt so sick and alone when I was hospitalized? I had so many holes in my memories Mark and if only you were the one that helped me recover my memories. I completely forgot about you and everyone I cared about until Kate and Jake told me about you, my bestfriend in high school. The thing that hurt me most was that I started remembering you again Mark. I already knew how much you meant to me a month after the accident yet you never came back for me. It's as if you completely gave up on our friendship, it's as if we were never bestfriends.
Mark: Nic what are you talking about?
Nicole: Are you afraid that you'll hurt me again Mark? Are you afraid  that you feel unworthy of my love? Is that it? What is there to be afraid of Mark? Why are you blaming yourself for the accident? You weren't the one that ran me over. You weren't the one that killed me when I needed you most. I was the one that hurt you. I was the one that rejected you and took you for granted when I already knew how much you loved me back then. So please Mark... Don't take this upon yourself. You're everything I wished for and I don't want you to leave me because you feel like you're afraid of hurting me again...
Mark: ....
Mark: The only reason why I became bestfriends with you Nic was because all I wanted was your love and nothing else. I expected too much from you in return. I expected you to love me back even when I knew you didn't want to and it was already in my mind that if you didn't have any feelings for me that I would've left you for someone else.
Nicole: No Mark! What are you saying? You would never do such a thing! You were always cheerful and supportive and you were always there by my side, especially when i was down. Never for a second did I think that you'd abandon me because you don't want us to stay as friends!
Mark: What I'm saying is true Nic. Ever since you friendzoned me, I wanted to leave you behind, I wanted to throw away everything we had, I wanted to end our friendship because I couldn't accept it when you rejected me. The truth is, I've always been a selfish guy Nicole. I should've told myself there were other fish out there in the ocean but my selfish desires overtook my mind. I've never been good with girls and that's why I'm not ready to be with you again, even if it's just to be friends.
Mark: I always expect too much from girls. I always place my self-worth on their approval and I'm not mature enough to face and accept rejection. I'm nothing but a coward, a desperate person, and a weak minded individual. I'm just not ready to be close to any girl because I know I'll hurt her, I'll manipulate her, and I'll expect things in return. That's why I want to stay away from you so that I can find myself again.
Mark: I'm just not good enough for you Nic... I don't deserve your love... I don't even deserve your friendship alone... I should've realized this earlier but I accept it now. I never treated you as a person Nic. Ionly became friends because of how cute you were but I never got to love you for the qualities that made you who you really were. I never admired the way you said things, I never admired how beautiful your mind was, I never valued your personality. This is why I'm afraid Nic. I'm afraid that one day you'll see my flaws and shun me away because I'm not good enough for you.
Nicole: Mark please stop making me cry!
Nicole: You're hurting right now Mark what you're saying is simply not true! Never for a second did I believe that you would throw away everything we had because I couldn't make you happy.
Nicole: I never should've friendzoned you Mark! I never should've friendzoned you Mark! I never should have made you feel like a worthless person! This is all my fault Mark... I never should have taken your love and compassion for granted! I should've accepted you, even if I was scared of loving someone else again. The problem was that I knew you'd always be there for me and that's why I took you for granted. I saw you as a brother and nothing else. I know you deserved better! If anything, I should be the one that doesn't deserve you!
Nicole: I used to love change Mark. I used to believe that in order for people to grow and move forward in life was to embrace pain and challenge so that they can come out stronger and more developed as a person. Now, the idea of change scares me because because I'm  just not strong enough to tell you how I felt when I first saw you in chemistry class. I wasn't strong enough to let go of my bestfriend back in middle school and I'm just not strong enough to be on my own. I wasn't strong enough to tell you how I felt when I first saw you in chemistry class. I wasn't strong enough to let go of my bestfriend back in middle school and I'm just not strong enough to lose my bestfriend again... I miss who I was back then. I used to love change and adventure when I was a little girl. That's why I miss childhood so much because I was stronger then.
Nicole: That's why I need you Mark. I need you to come back for me because I'm so lost and alone. Jake already has a girlfriend and he lives too far, Kate already has her own main group of friends, Mike has already dumped me and started hitting on other girls, and Jenny betrayed me and stopped talking to me ever since she held Mike's hand. The only person I can still be with is you Mark... Please... Come back for me... I miss you so much...
Mark: Nicole... I miss you too. If only I could come back and see you again, if only it wasn't too late for me. I'm so far away from home and I can't ever fly back because of my family's financial issues. And even though I could come back and see you again, I just wouldn't be able to bear looking at my bestfriend. I almost killed you Nic. I was the one that shut you out when you had no other friends to lean on. 
Mark: You never would've been suicidal and depressed if it wasn't for me. Even if I wasn't the one that ran you over, your feelings of loneliness and the events leading up to the accident all comes back to me. Had I never forced myself on you, none of this would've ever happened. You never would've lost your memories, I never would've made your family grieve over you, I never would've been a burden to you all.
Mark: I'm just not ready to see you again Nic. I don't want to come back into your life until I've grown to be the man you deserve, the man that's worthy of your love. Because if I come back for you now, I'll repeat the same mistakes, I'll hurt you again just like I did before and I would never be able to forgive myself if I lost you for good. That's why I can't call you, I can't text you, and I can't keep in touch with you because I want to wait until the right time.
Nicole: ....
Nicole: Please don't ever forget about me Mark.
Nicole: I hope that one day you'll change your mind and that you'll come back for me soon because I can't stand being so far away from my bestfriend. I'll be looking everywhere for you and I won't rest until I find you again. If only I could convince you to come back for me...
Mark: Please don't look for me Nicole. I love you so much. That's why I want you to stay away from me because I don't want you to see my inner demons. I don't want you to get close to me because it's too dark inside...
Nicole: Mark... You're my hero. You were my crying shoulder when I felt like the whole world was against me. You always listened to me when I thought I had no one to run to. That's why I want to find you Mark, to thank you for everything you've done for me and if I can't see you now then so be it. I'll be waiting for you to come back for me.
Nicole: One day we're going to meet again, it's a promise okay?
Mark: I promise that I'll see you again someday Nic. No matter how far away I am, you'll always be in my mind. There is no other girl I want to be with because you're my world Nicole. And that will never change for as long as I'm alive. I love you Nicole. 
Nicole: I love you too Mark.
Nicole: Goodbye Mark. 

You wake up with tears soaking in your pillow. You realize that you've been dreaming so much about Nicole ever since Jake texted you.
You (Mark): (I can't ever hurt you again Nicole... You almost died because of me....)
You stare at the custom made clock you hung on your bedroom wall. You notice that the time was frozen, even though you heard the constant ticking. After a few seconds of staring at the clock, it suddenly dropped on the floor, shattering into several broken pieces. You stare at the now broken clock on the floor, especially the crack that divided both of you on the picture...
The longer you stare at the broken clock, the harder it was to stop thinking about her...
Suddenly, all those memories you've shared with her began to play in your head...

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: What are the 3 types of chemical bonds?
Nicole: It's our chemistry homework anyway
Mark: Ionic, covalent, James Bond 😂
Nicole: Good ol' chem jokes 😂

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: Hi Mark!! 😀
Mark: Hi Nic, you seem to be happy
Nicole: You won't believe what Mike did today!!
Mark: Who's Mike?
Nicole: haven't you known about him yet? Mike's one of my classmates. My girl friends have a thing for him..
Nicole: He's now my bf. No one has ever done those things to me. So sweet 😊

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: I saw my bestfriend Jenny, and Mike holding hands.. with my very own eyes.
Mark: What were they doing?
Nicole: They were talking to each other very sweetly.
Nicole: Jenny saw me staring at them and she didn't even care!
Nicole: She.. she.. Oh god please!!
Mark: I'll be here for you Nicole.

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: Sooo.. what did you get?
Mark: I got a James Bond DVD. Seriously Nic? 😂
Nicole: Aww yeah 😂
Mark: Thanks Nic 😁 But what's the occasion?
Nicole: Well...
Nicole: You've been such a good friend to me Mark.

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: Happy happy happy birthday Mark!! 🎉🎊🎈😁
Mark: Today's my birthday?
Nicole: Stop playing dumb Mark.. it's your birthday today 😂
Nicole: Best wishes! I hope we'll stay longer than any other bestfriends across the entire world can 😀
Mark: I hope so.

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: College is gonna be one heck of a time in our lives. We'll be parting ways. We'll be meeting new people.
Nicole: This is why I'm afraid of time Mark. I'm afraid of losing my bestfriend.
Nicole: Mark.. tell me.. what are you afraid of?
Mark: I'm afraid of losing my best friend too.

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: YES!! I can tell from your answers that you wanna go hang out at the park with me 😀
Nicole: Meet me at the local park next Saturday around 5pm
Nicole: Before you ask.. yes it's my birthday next sat so I am seriously NOT expecting a present from you 😂
Mark: Don't worry 😉

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: Mark tell me please. Is everything alright?
Mark: I'm fine
Nicole: You still have a thing for me don't you?
Nicole: Mark remember what I told you at the park.
Nicole: You're everything I wished for, please don't change Mark. Not now..
Mark: Have I changed?

Flashback: ???????
Nicole: I just want you to come back. The real you.
Nicole: The real Mark talks to me. Not this Mark who hasn't talked to me for a month..
Nicole: Not this Mark who tries to hold my hand like a creep.
Nicole: The real Mark is.. he's cheerful and supportive and.. and..
Nicole: Mark. I miss you. Please come back.

Flashback: ???????

Nicole: If only I could turn back time and still be in love with you..
Nicole: But I can't.
Nicole: I just can't.
Nicole: Goodbye.
You: (I'll always be there for you- I'll always make you happy-- I'll always be by your side--- I'll fix everything---- I'll fix----- I'll... I'll accept------ I'll be everything------- I will-------- I don't--------- I want----------
Mark: Goodbye.

Tears began to roll down your cheeks.
You: (I miss you so much Nicole. I want to see you again so badly. But I can't... I just can't!
You continue to stare at the broken clock on the floor. It had already stopped ticking.
You: (I can't come back... Even if I wanted to... Kate and Jake were just helping us out. They just wanted to make Nicole happy again. I have to apologize to them, for being shallow and blunt. Since I blocked Jake, the only person I should apologize to is Kate. I have to make up for how I treated them...

End of Chapter 7