He's Just My Best Friend | a Kakashi love story

Chapter 3

After calming down, cleaning up, and changing into our spare clothes, Minato-Sensei and I walked back to meet up with the rest of our team. I stared blankly ahead, not wanting to feel my emotions. I would grieve when I got home. What kind of ninja can't participate in a war without having a panic attack? I felt ashamed, and I knew my father would be disappointed if he knew.

"Minato-Sensei?" I asked shakily. He hummed in response. I could tell he was just as exhausted as I was.

"You're not gonna tell anyone, right? About the panic attack?" I looked down at the ground, feeling like the smallest person alive.

"Of course not. I understand how you're feeling. But, I must advise you to talk to someone." I looked up at him, to find his eyes meeting mine sadly. It had been a hard day for us both. "It doesn't matter who. If you want to talk to me, I'm always here. If you want to talk to Kakashi, I'm sure he won't mind. I'm sure you're parents wouldn't mind either." I looked down at this. If only he knew. "But you need to talk to someone, is my point. We don't get through this job by keeping it in." He placed his hand on my head, trying to comfort me.

"But I thought that ninjas weren't supposed to show emotion?" I questioned.

"In battle, Mika. It's true, it's better to be emotionless when in battle. I'm sure you know why." I nodded. The enemy could use emotions to their advantage, and it only made the job harder. "But after the battle, as I'm sure you now know, there are things that can't be kept down forever. I know as well as you do that those people were our enemy, and they would hurt our village if we didn't kill them. But it doesn't make it easier." He gave me a small smile. I tried to return it, but probably failed.

"I understand, Sensei."

"I'm always here Mika. I experienced the battle too. If you don't want to talk to others, I will be here any time, okay? And no, I won't tell anyone about the panic attack." He smiled at me again. I wanted to cry at his kindness, but the tears were gone from earlier, so I just smiled.

"I bet my father will be proud that I awakened my sharingan." I said softly, after several minutes of silence. I knew he would be, even if I had to feel like I was dying to do it. He always said that I should have awakened it earlier, and that it was his biggest disappointment in me.

"I bet he will be. It's already at full strength too! You'll be able to do a lot more once you learn to control it." I smiled at this. My father would definitely be proud. And Obito would be jealous, for sure. We had a running bet on who would get theirs first, and I bet I beat him to it. Although, now that I understand what it takes, I'm not sure it's such a good thing.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, both processing what happened. I still refused to feel my emotions until we got back, but the mental processing had begun. I knew I did what I had to do. I knew that it was kill or be killed. For some reason though, it wasn't easier to stomach. I kept reliving the sight of the bodies everywhere, and the smell of blood.

When we finally made it back to the clearing we were supposed to meet in, the others weren't back yet. I began to worry a bit, because their mission seemed much easier than ours was, but maybe I was mistaken. I'm sure they're fine. Kakashi is a great ninja, he won't fail.

"I'm gonna go find them, okay? I have a bad feeling. You stay here, and set up camp for the night." Minato instructed me. I nodded, now feeling worried. If Minato-sensei was worried, maybe everything isn't okay. I started to feel panicked again, thinking about Kakashi or the others not coming back. I shook the thought from my mind, and began to set up camp.

I found some firewood and began to make a fire with a small fireball jutsu. Once it was going, I pulled out some food pills and began to eat them. I was hungry after not eating for a whole day, and using most of my chakra, so even though they didn't taste amazing, I welcomed them. My thoughts began to wander to what the others were doing. I hoped everyone was okay. I can't handle anymore emotions today, or I might break.