If I Stay

Chapter One

"Liz you're going to be late" Her younger sister Mia yelled from the other side of her bedroom door. Elizabeth got up and dragged her body into the kitchen for a cup of tea. She lived with her younger sister Mia and her older sister Vera. After the car accident that claimed her parent's life a few years after Mia was born, the girls had picked up and moved from Sydney all the way to Hawaii.

Not long to go, Liz reminded herself that if she could just push through the pain for a few more months then she wouldn't need to stop pretending anymore. Although maybe the longer she pretended, the higher a chance she would have at numbing the pain.

"Kids got so much energy, maybe she can lend you some" Vera chuckled as Mia flew out the door on her skateboard travelling to school. 

"Thanks, Vee" Liz retorted sarcastically as Vera kissed her on the forehead and left the house. 

Liz was in a continuous loop of reliving the same day over and over again. How great. 

Within 25 minutes Liz was out the door and walking to school with her bag slumped over her shoulder. She hated her high school with a passion, and if she didn't have a few months left she would've fought her hardest to move. 

Walking past everyone like they didn't exist was easy. Walking past their group and trying to act like it doesn't still hurt, was the hardest part. Liz was adamant with spending her free time with her books, at least her books could give her a little escape. 

"Liz!" She recognized his voice anywhere. She was conflicted to stay where she was or continue walking away. Unfortunately, Liz took too long to decide and Kenai was already standing in front of her.

"How have you been?" His voice was still something that calmed her deepest worries. She continued looking down, because in all honestly, Liz couldn't look the guy who broke her heart in the eyes. She could feel the tears form but she wouldn't let them fall.

"I'm good Kenai" She muttered brushing past him and proceeding into the girls' bathroom where she allowed herself to cry. Kenai was that guy you know. The one she trusted herself with, the one that knocked down all her walls, yet they didn't work out and she didn't know how to react around him. 

Kenai stood there frozen. Liz had disappeared from everyone after the 'incident' and the break up so he had no way of making sure she was okay. His visits to her house, while Liz was in her room soaking up the sadness while Vera yelled at Kenai to leave, was unknown to Liz. Why was communication so hard?

Liz walked into her classroom keeping her head down. She didn't want to be here nor did she want to draw attention to herself. She heard the group of girls walk in and take their usual spots in the classroom. Her old friends. 

Liz was hysterical. She left her friends for her boyfriend and a year later both groups didn't want her anymore, and rather mixed instead. Was Liz stupid? She convinced herself that every day. What more could she do but sit back and relive this day over and over again?

The end of school was Liz's favourite part. Today was a different day which made her feel better. A detour to the cemetery was the most exciting thing on her agenda. Relieved that Kenai wasn't going to stop her at the school gates, she began her walk.

Sitting in front of the familiar white cross instead of a traditional marble headstone, Liz finally was at peace for the first time in her day. Here she also let the tears fall freely.

"Hi son" she sobbed wiping her tears with her left hand and gripping onto the white, wooden cross. Liz had fought day and night alongside Vera in order to get a memorial for the baby she miscarried. She didn't sleep until the council approved of a proper grave for her unborn baby.

"I miss you so much"