A journal of some sort

Just Another Breakdown

Sunday April 26, 2020

I cannot handle my own thoughts.

So for as long as I've known myself I've had my head in the clouds. I get stuck in my head and run away with my thoughts. I often try to focus on other people so I can get a break from my own problems for once, (for a price).

I swear, as soon as loneliness and or boredom creeps in, my mind starts to wander in every which way. Lately with everything being closed and not having any outside distractions I've been having to face the man in the mirror and she has a lot to show me.
I guess it's good that I've been opening up passages within myself- but some things become too much for me to handle.

Do I chase people away?

Am I too impulsive?

I set high expectations for other people and become heart broken when they fall short

Will I feel alone forever?
Why am I so anxious?

Why me?
Why is it so hard to form coherent sentences?

Some of my actions are selfish

Stop lying to yourself

I run away from the things I want because I think I'm not good enough to have them

                                                I am not okay

Why do I enjoy torturing my heart with unreciprocated feelings?

I'm not as important as I think
I have suicidal thoughts

........

Even though I have no idea who you all are and you have no idea who I really am either, you all and this journal are a good thing for me.
It's like a clean slate for fresh impressions solely based off of my inner thoughts that I jot down in here.
Thank you for listening to the things I have to say. Thank you for being there for me, still swiping through my book even in the midst of my breakdowns. -sigh-

J͙a͙y͙

Track of The Day:
Sasha Sloan - Too Sad To Cry