I thought I wasn't enough... (Tsukiyama)

2. Negative Thoughts

This is really sad and I hate myself for making him such sad boi, but it'll get better!! Trust me!!! Anyways this is basically a warning, this pretty sad to me at least and yea! Please read with caution! 😅🤗😓

Yamaguchi sat in his room, curled up in a ball, as tears fell from his eyes.

"What is wrong with me? I can't do anything useful." He stated as tears kept falling. More and more tears came down like a rainstorm.

A soft knock was heard, and quickly Yamaguchi wiped away his tears and tried to smile. He sat up on his bed and wiped away his last tear just as his mom walked in. He flashed a smile at her and she sent one back.

"Hey sweetheart! What's up?" She asked standing by the door.

Yamaguchi quickly thought of his usual excuse not wanting to worry his mother. "The usual, I was looking at some flowers outside." He said pointing out his window. Although he wasn't lying completely.

One of Yamaguchi's favorite things was to look out his window and stare at the flowers. Sometimes he would even go outside and just sit there and smell them. He loved the way they look and smelled. It truly amazed him.

"That's lovely!" She said breaking him from his train of thought.
"Well thought you should know that Tsukishima is coming over to stay the night! His mother has to work late and his brother is at a camp right now, and you know how protective his mother is!"

Yamaguchi instantly panicked. He wasn't ready, it was Saturday and he hoped by Monday he would've collected himself and put the same act on like every week before. "Tsu-Tsuki is coming?!?!" He asked just as his mom was about to leave.

She nodded over at him. "Y'all are best friend right? It should be fine!" She said giving him a thumbs up. She left and Yamaguchi just stared in fear.

Yamaguchi sat there as more tears started to form. He can't do this.

'He probably doesn't even wanna come, his mother is just making him. He doesn't like anyone as annoying as me. I'm just a burden to him. Why do I love him so much. Why can't I just hate him. Like he hates me...' he thought as a river of tears fell. He kept wiping, but they came down one after another.

After a few minutes of crying, Yamaguchi took a deep breath and wiped away his tears again. He walked over to the bathroom and washed his face. He stared at himself in the mirror.

"Your a mess..." he said quietly to himself. He took another deep breath and grabbed his bag, phone, and headphones.
"Mom! I'm gonna going to the park." he said letting her know he was leaving.

"Alright! Be back before 6:00 that's when Tsukishima is coming!" She yelled back.

"Right..." Yamaguchi said quietly before opening the door and leaving.

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As he approached the park he finally put in his music.

He'd gotten suggestions from Tsuki before and he liked the songs, but he had his own taste as well. Tsuki's Music was sorta similar, with the music soft and the vocals soft too. The lyrics were usually pretty deep and could make you think.

Yamaguchi liked something similar, except he liked things even softer and more natural almost. No lyrics or anything. Just calming music and soft melodies. He loved how nice and quiet it was.

As he made it to the park he walked over to usual spot, and sat down letting the music play in his ears. He sat down, surrounded by flowers in love with them. He looked over at the flowers and smelled them.

"Purple, blue, red, blue..." he said feeling and saying the colors out loud. He sat there and smiled closing his eyes.

"This is nice." He said as he laid down closing his eyes. He stayed there, just like that, for about an hour. He loved this.

"Yamaguchi?" A familiar voice said.

Said name eyes fluttered opened and his eyes grew wide as he saw who was standing above him. "Ts-Tsuki!!" He said taking out his headphones and standing up quickly.

His face filled with red and he looked at his shoes, trying to avoid eye contact from the taller blonde. Tsukishima looked down at him as Yamaguchi looked down at the ground.

"What are you doing here?" Tsukishima asked looking around to see if he was hanging out with someone.

Yamaguchi quickly shook his head and put his hand to his neck. "I just came here to relax actually!! I'm sorry!!" He spitted out.

"For what?" Tsukishima asked since he really didn't do anything wrong.

Yamaguchi froze up again and started apologizing, for apologizing.

Tsukishima ignored him and continued walking. Yamaguchi noticed and quickly ran to catch up. "U-umm!! Where are you going? If you don't mind m-me asking of course!" He said not wanting to force the answer out.

Tsukishima smirked at him. "Your house, did your mom not tell you anything?" He asked hands in pocket.

Yamaguchi's face became red once again as his thoughts started to consume him. "OH! Yeah.." he said looking down as he kept walking.

'That's right, Tsuki is staying over.  I can't do this...if he sees me in this state he'll never talk to me again...your so stupid Yamaguchi! Why would you fall for him! He clearly hates you, so why do you love him so much! Your so stupid and dumb. That's why he hates you isn't it? That's why he could never love you-' he thought before being interrupted.

"Yamaguchi? Why are you crying?" Tsuki asked stopping as he turned around and saw the boy.

Without realizing it tears had been falling from his face. He wiped them away quickly and tried to smile, but it was very obvious that he was hiding something. So he said what he says most.

"S-sorry T-Tsu-Tsuki..." he said more tears falling. He turned around and ran. He ran while the tears came down only one thing in his mind.

'I'm so awful'

He ran leaving Tsuki there with his thoughts.

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After Yamaguchi ran for awhile he finally slowed down. As he stopped he took a moment to breathe. He got his phone and looked at the clock.

5:52

"I can't even make it home on time. I cant do anything..." he said to himself hands in face trying to stop his tears. As the tears fell he looked up to see where he was.

He stood there as he slowly looked and found the place familiar. He thought for a couple seconds before it hit him.

"Sugawara-san lives near here..."