#Promise

Friends

            The next few weeks have been more bearable thanks to my friend Tae. I really could commend his amazing ability to squeeze in time to see me in between their very hectic schedule. We usually don't talk about his work when we are together. I somehow felt that one of the reasons that he likes hanging out with me is that he could escape his celebrity life and be just himself around me. I don't ask and he doesn't volunteer information neither. Everything that I know about their work is through the things I hear, watch and read about them.
               Oftentimes, we would just grab a quick dinner somewhere after my shift and just chat. Some other nights, when one or the other is feeling stressed, we would grab a couple bottle of beer and drink at a nearby park before his manager  starts blowing up his phone trying to find out where the heck he was. I don't know what kind of excuses he gives them, for him to be able to sneak out like that. In my mind, I just want to appreciate his efforts. It may be too selfish on my part, but I do look forward to those times when he comes.
               One night, towards  the end of a crazy busy shift in the ER, I was eagerly anticipating to leave and head home. I knew Tae was at the hospital lobby waiting for me. He was supposed to pick me up because he said he had something special to show me. 15 minutes before my shift ends, an emergency patient came in. A teenage kid that needed CPR. The ER stafff got into action, including myself. I jumped on top of the bed and started chest compressions. It was probably the 4th patient for that day who needed to be resuscitated. That scene is very common in the ER and each of us get into our own role until we get the patient stabilized. The moment we got the kid's heartbeat back, I noticed Tae by the ER entrance looking so pale and shocked. I quickly got down from the bed, took off my gloves, and ran towards him. I grabbed his arm and dragged him out of there.
               " Are you okay?" I asked him as I let him sit on a bench right outside the ER.
                He nodded weakly as he tried to breathe in and out.
                " Wait for me here. I'll go get my bag from my locker" I said as I quickly went back in, clocked out and went into the nurses' lounge to get my backpack from my locker.
                 " You shouldn't have come to the ER" I softly said to Tae while he was driving and not uttering a word.
                 " I wondered why it was taking you longer to come out. I was just too excited to see you" he replied.
                  " I'm sorry you had to witness something like that" I said.
                  " You! You really looked awesome earlier. You looked like you were in one of those movies. It was really amazing to see." He blurted out suddenly.
                  " Did you think so? Did I really look awesome?" I asked, feeling proud of myself.
                  " You looked so different there tonight compared to the time that you rushed Jimin to the hospital after the concert. Back then, you seemed like you were going to have a heart attack. Unlike tonight, you seemed so in control. I guess it really is different when you have to take care of someone you personally care for."
                   I was taken back by his mention of Jimin's name. Memories of that night came back to me. I suddenly felt in my chest something that I have trying hard to supress all this time. I miss Jimin so much.
                  " Let's not talk about work anymore! I'm exhausted today and I just want to forget it!" I cheerfully said to change the depressing topic.
                  " Sounds like a great idea!" Tae quickly agreed.
                  " So, what is this special thing that you were gonna show me?" I asked excitedly.
                  "Don't be impatient! We are almost there" He replied.
                  He drove into a basement parking garage of a luxurious looking building. We passed through several security personnel before we got into the building itself. He parked the car and got off. I followed him, although I wasn't sure where we were headed. We got into the elevator and pushed the 15th floor button. The elevator doors opened and he grabbed my arm and hurriedly led me out.
                    "Welcome to my new nest!!!" he exclaimed as he opened the door to one the condo units on that floor.
"For real? Oh my God! Tae! Congratulations!!!" I exclaimed as I gave him an excited hug. We then went inside together and he started showing me around.
" The interior designers are not done with their work yet so it still looks chaotic." He explained.
It was a luxurious 3 bedroom unit, just fitted for a famous world star performer like himself. He opened up the blinds to the living room wall and it revealed a full view of Korea's most popular river. It was breathtaking. I often forget that this guy is worth millions of dollars because he had never once made me feel that he was. When he's with me, he was just my friend Tae.
                       "We should celebrate!" I excitedly said.
                       "Hold on. I think I have something. " he said as he went to the fridge and took out a bottle of wine.
                        " I really shouldn't be drinking now. We have an early schedule tomorrow morning." He said.
                        "Then you shouldn't" I replied.
                        "Of course we should! We'll drink a glass. That shouldn't get us drunk." He happily said as he poured out the wine into our glasses.
                         We sat on the couch as we looked at the pretty view of the city outside.
                          His phone rang. He quickly checked it and then ignored it until it stopped.  After a few minutes it rang again. He did the same thing after a few times that it rang.
                           "Is your manager looking for you? You might need to answer that before they get worried. I can just head home too." I said.
                           "All this time since you have moved here, even for just one time, didn't you want to see Jimin at all? He seriously asked without looking at me, completely changing the topic and the mood.
                           His question came to me by surprise that I felt a lump form in my throat. I couldn't answer.
                           " I know that you had an agreement with our boss, but haven't you once thought about letting Jimin know that you are here?" He asked again.
                           " If I am selfish and greedy, I would have done that already. You have no idea how I struggle everyday but I know I cannot be selfish, I cannot be a distraction to him during this important time in your careers. I can endure a little bit longer. That is why I am thankful to you because you never made it difficult for me by not mentioning him at all."
                            Tae looked at me without saying a word. He got up and went to get a few cans of beer from the fridge.
                            "What are you doing? Didn't you say you have an early schedule tomorrow? Are you planning to get drunk? You know you can't handle more than one of those." I said in disbelief.
                            "Stop scolding me and just drink with me. You said we have to celebrate, right? I just want to celebrate with you, that's all. Am I not allowed to do even just that?" He said as he opened a can of beer and gulped it down.
                            I don't understand the sudden change in his mood. He is usually very cheerful so when he gets like this, I just let him be and I try to just be there for him, even if it means drinking beyond our limits. Both he and I have low tolerance to alcohol so I really don't understand why we are even doing this.
                             After a couple cans of beer and half a bottle of wine, we were both close to considering ourselves drunk. Tae hasn't moved from where he was sitting on the living room floor. I was now laying down on the couch behind him. My eyes shut so I couldn't feel the dizziness that much.
                             "You know, I have tried so much and I tried to do my best to endure it but it just gets harder and harder as I spend more time with you." he started to say in a very sad tone, it csounded like a monologue from one of those dramas on TV.
                              "What do you mean? What are you saying Tae?" I replied, still keeping my eyes closed.
                              " I know how much you and Jimin like each other and I know you make each other happy... but what do I do? Tell me what should I do?" he said again.
                              I still didn't understand what he meant but it was enough for me to get up and sit beside him. I looked at his face and I saw that he was actually crying.
                              "Oh my gosh, Tae... what's wrong? What is it? Tell me..."
                              "I like you too, Kittie... that's what's wrong. I have liked you since I 've known you but why does Jimin have to like you too? Of all people, why does it have to be my best buddy Jimin?" He said in between sobs.
                               "Tae..... I do like you too. You have been a really great friend to me and you are one of the most precious people that I hold dear. You have been a wonderful friend that anyone could ever ask for." I replied ever so sincerely.
                                "A friend... yes, a friend. I know that all I could ever be to you is a friend, but  what should I do now? I want to be more than a friend to you too. I tried to hold it in and not tell you because I might end up losing you as a friend and hurting Jimin.... but what about me? I never had a fair chance... I  have already lost without having been able to fight. So, now I am here to ask you to give me that chance. I will show you that I can love you too, not just as a friend... but as a man. Please... "
                                My dear friend, Tae.... crying like baby, suffering through heartache, begging me to give him a chance to show that he loves me. How can I be so cruel to him? How could have I overlooked the feelings behind all the efforts that he made to take care of me? How did I just shamelessly take advantage of all his affection for me expecting that it wouldn't lead to this moment because I knew he wouldn't do anything to hurt Jimin? How can I hurt him like this? I don't want to mock his feelings by rejecting it. I do feel that he is sincere and it breaks my heart because I can't reciprocate it in the way that he wants me to.
                                 "What should we do now,Tae?" I whispered as I hugged him and shed tears with him.