Stand By Me

Part 2- Letting it Out

"Nice to meet you Bella. Wish it was under better circumstances..."

"Likewise John."

A silence fills the air around us as I gaze ahead, looking at the horde of people dressed in black, chatting amongst themselves as they clutch their handkerchiefs.

"Is that your family?" John inquires softly, noticing where my attention is drawn to.

"Yeah, some of them. It's mostly acquaintances though. Neighbors, friends, what have you."

"Oh."

After a few minutes of sitting and staring, John places his hands on the gravel and pushes himself up to his feet. He then starts to walk over to where I threw my teddy bear, and picks it up carefully to bring it back to me. When he places the stuffed animal in my hands, I feel my whole body shiver.

"Thanks." I mutter softly as I stare at his button eyes, seeing how one of them is starting to unravel at the seams. "Mum could have fixed that..." I think to myself.

"Didn't want him to get hurt." John chuckles.

"Come on, why don't we take a walk?" He suggests, reaching his hand down towards me.

"No offense John but I barely know you. Besides, I don't even know if I can stand up right now." I laugh as if I'm joking, but I mean what I say.

"It'll just be around the cemetery, alright. I think you could use the distraction."

I sigh heavily and take John's hand, allowing him to pull me up to my feet. Immediately I start to sway to the side, as if I'm about to fall- though John catches me mid-air.

"You okay?" He asks, holding me close.

"Yes, I'm fine." I assure, not wanting to appear too vulnerable to this man who's still a stranger to me. I gently pull away from him and adjust my coat, then place Cuddlebear tenderly against my chest.

"Ready?"

"I think so." I smile and take a step forward, then begin to walk alongside John on one of the trails within the cemetery.

"That bear seems to mean a great deal to you." John says to me quietly. "Why did you throw him into the street?"

"Because I was angry." I reply feebly.

"And because he deserved it. He didn't do his job."

John looks up confusingly, as if he wants me to elaborate.

"I gave this bear to her when I was four." I mumble, feeling my throat tighten as I speak. John looks stoically at the sidewalk, though he listens to me intently.

"I found him at a shopping centre near my grandmothers house. He was so cute sitting there in the window." I smile at the memory, thinking back to when I was a small child. Back when life was sweet and had meaning.

"And you bought it for your mum?"

I nod, "She used to work as a stewardess when she was younger. She'd be gone for weeks at a time, and I was always afraid that something would happen to her."

"So I gave her Cuddlebear. I believed that no matter where she was in the world, he would somehow be able protect her. That she would always come home safe and sound so long as he was right there beside her."

John looks over at me and the bear with a soft, doleful expression on his face.

"I bet she really appreciated that."

"Oh yeah, she loved him. She took him everywhere she went. She'd even take polaroids of him with passengers and other stewardesses to show me when she got home." I crack a small smile.

"But he didn't protect her, did he?" I look away from Cuddlebear hoping it'll prevent me from crying again.

"I know it's stupid to think that a teddy bear could actually prevent something from happening to her, but that thought used to bring me so much peace." I pause to gather my emotions, wiping a stray tear off on the sleeve of my coat.

"As kids I think we tend to hold onto these illusions we create because they make life seem a lot less bitter, y'know? It's like if we pretend that everything is fine and dandy, then it'll naturally become so, right?" My lower lip quivers, and I'm unable to stifle my crying. John notices and reaches for my shoulder, rubbing it softly.

"Anyway." I quickly clear my throat, trying desperately to think of anything else.

"It's okay to be emotional Bella, especially on a day like today." John assures me.

"I just want to scream, John. I want everybody to know and feel my pain. I want their hearts to be mauled by grief just like mine." I huff, my breaths becoming shallower by the second as my body begins to shake.

"Oh god you know what I really want to do more than anything?"

"What?"

"I want to hit something." I cry and drop Cuddlebear to the ground so I can use both hands to yank at my hair, nearly ripping it out of my scalp.

"Hit me." John suggests nonchalantly, standing right in front of me to block my path.

"What?" I chuckle slightly, meeting his eyes.

"I'm serious. Go on, right here." He says, pointing to his cheek.

"You're a mad man." I shake my head.

"Then punch me in the face! Come on, I know you want to!" He smirks, egging me on but also making me want to burst into a fit of giggles.

"John I cant do that!"

"Why not?"

"Because it's insane!"

"It might make you feel better!"

"Well what if it doesn't?"

"Then you owe me a beer!" He laughs and moves closer, turning his head to the side to give me perfect access to his jaw.

"John I've never hit anyone in my life."

"All the more reason to do it then!"

"No!"

"Do it!"

"Fine!" I yell and swing my fist around, punching him as hard as humanly possibly. John falls to the ground and holds onto his face, nursing his abused cheek with the palm of his hand.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry!" I bend down to help him, placing my hand delicately on his arm.

"Shit!" He chuckles and props himself up, hand still stroking his jaw tenderly.

"John I'm so sorry I've hurt you!"

"Do ye feel better though?" He inquires, wiping a dribble of blood off his chin with his sleeve.

"Actually, yeah. A little." I admit guiltily.

"Then it was worth it."