"Two souls are sometimes created together and in love before they're even born." -F. Scott Fitzgerald
When eight year old Beau Ruby met twelve year old Colton Caine, she had no idea she was meeting the love of her life. She had no idea she'd grow...
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I wish I could say that things went back to normal, but they didn't. Maybe they were a new normal... or maybe they'd never be normal again. Maybe we'd spend the rest of our lives in this weird purgatory of wanting something none of us could have.
Things did settle. The visitors stopped coming around, and the piles of food in the fridge and on all surfaces in the kitchen dwindled down until Jack either finished them or we threw them out.
January turned into February. Beau moved around the house like a ghost. I could see glimpses of her old self in split second moments. She never laughed anymore. She barely ate, no matter what I put in front of her. I tried all of her favorite foods, and while she was at least eating, she mainly picked at things and then pushed them away.
Her cast came off, and she started physical therapy for her arm. It was the only time she left the house. She rarely even ventured outside anymore other than to sit on the porch occasionally or walk to the mailbox.
Jack and I took turns spending the night, but we mostly stayed out of her way. She quit asking me to sleep with her after a few weeks, and I was glad. It was painful. I knew it shouldn't have been. I should have moved on from her. I should have been over her. I just wasn't yet.
Things with Jamie were still good. She'd gone back to planning the wedding. I stayed at her place once or twice a week. I still felt guilty about it, and I still didn't know why. I still couldn't shake the thought of wanting Beau even when I was with Jamie. I didn't know if I felt guilty because I felt like I was cheating on Jamie by loving Beau or because I felt like I was cheating on Beau by loving Jamie. It was a constant tug-of-war in my mind.
Jack and I both went back to work. I tried working longer hours and volunteering to work with crews in other towns. I'd text Beau periodically throughout the day just to check on her, but I kept it short and sweet. Things like "Text me when you wake up," or "Just checking in—you okay?". I never included pet names or emotional sentiments. It wasn't because I didn't want to. It was because I was stuck in this never-ending loop of wanting something I knew I couldn't have because I had made a promise to someone else.
Jack stayed with her on Valentine's Day. They watched old Disney movies and fell asleep on the couch. They were still there when I got back from Jamie's the next morning, wrapped in an old quilt. Beau's feet were in Jack's lap, and her head rested on the arm rest. Jack was holding her legs, his head tilted backward on the back of the couch, mouth hanging open the way it always did when he slept. The TV screen was fuzzy and grey.
I stared at the two of them, a pang of jealousy stirring. I knew it was stupid. Jack loved her. He always had. I knew he probably still had romantic feelings, and I knew it was wrong for me to deny them both the chance to explore that. I just couldn't bring myself to give my blessing.
Even the night before, while I slept with Jamie curled against my chest, I had thought of Beau. I had thought of the Valentine's Days of the past that I had spent with Beau, eating candy and pizza and staying up too late watching movies.
