why do you smother me in comfortable despair? why do you make me feel alone while surrounded by the most supportive people in my life? why do you make me feel sad when I have everything I could ever want? why do you make me wanna push people away? you are my depression. you're like a very heavy blanket of negative emotion. you're so heavy that I don't feel like removing myself from you...even though I know that you're slowly suffocating me. you provide some type of warmth. I'm overheating actually. I can't explain it. it's like I've gotten used to the weight, and couldn't give a shit about the heat. it doesn't help that you're personalized. you know of everything I regret every one whos hurt me every moment I took for granted. you protect me in a way, by keeping me under your weight and heat you protect me from letting others hurt me. they can't hurt me if I sleep my life away, right? but you know sometimes I wonder what it feels like to effectively breathe...without you. I wanna learn how to wanna live. but you just make it so hard...if I left would I miss your warmth. my dad always said the world was a cold place, maybe too cold for me. you make me isolate myself then you complain that I'm lonely. do you want me dead? is that what this is? what, are you gonna smother me to death? or maybe just keep me feeling like I'm dying. I think of the possibilities...yet I still stay. I let you mask my pain with a happy posture and a joyful smile so fake that it almost feels real. now all I can do is hope that the mask doesn't crack...
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wo0o0o0o0o0o0o0w...i wrote dis at like 2 in the morning and boy oh boy does it seem more dismal and grim than it did at the time XD it makes me wanna thank god for the light of day and for my stupid but amazing friends and family that keep me from feeling like this on the daily bases
YALL R GREAT KEEP UP THE GOOD VIBES CAUSE I COULD LITERALLY VIBE WITH YALL 24/7 AND NEVER GET TIRED YALL R CRAZY FUN SUPER CARING AND EXTREMELY WEIRD AND THERES just NO ONE(other than my hilariously disfunctional family)I WOULD RATHER SPEND MY TIME WITH (or more so waste my time with cause now we are bored on quarantine) miss yall and too those reading thanks for reading
YOU ARE READING
the thoughts I think
Şiirthe things that run through my mind, the things that hurt, the things that heal, the people I love, the things I feel, the questions I ask, the things I fear its just a book that helps others understand the view from here
