The Piano Man

XVI. Do Not Read the Label

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet

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XVI. Do Not Read the Label

"Hello?" Sophie answered, honestly shocked that her voice sounded as steady as it was. She couldn't even feel her individual heartbeats as the poor muscle moved at a hum.

"Hi, Sophie," said Elaine. "I am so sorry to call at such an odd time, but I thought that you would want to hear this just as soon as I had come to a diagnosis."

Diagnosis. Sophie's heart all but fell out of her chest and onto the floor. She could see that Noah was reading her face exactly. Sophie braced herself for the words.

"Upon thorough screening, I am confident in my diagnosis of Maddie having Autism Spectrum Disorder," she said calmly, but not apologetically.

Sophie's eyes filled with tears as she looked up at Noah, willing herself not to drop her phone. All feelings of preparedness for this day had fully gone out the window. As much as she didn't want to be, Sophie felt devastated.

Noah rested his hands on Sophie's shoulders, but there was not much that he could do to stop her from losing it.

"Sophie, I completely understand that even though we have been discussing the possibility for weeks, that this can come at a shock, and that such a diagnosis can be very disappointing for most parents." She took a steady breath. "Maddie is what many would classify as high-functioning. She is highly intelligent and articulate. Her limitations lie in how she is able to socially function. Her ability to form social relationships, and how to properly manage her emotions is something that I can help with, and her school can assist with now that we have this diagnosis. I would like to continue to see Maddie once a week, and we shall see how we go from there."

"Okay," whispered Sophie.

"Are you alright, Sophie?" asked Elaine.

"No," replied Sophie honestly.

"Are you alone?"

Looking up at Noah's concerned face, Sophie repeated, "No."

"I promise that this isn't the end of the world," Elaine assured her. "You know more than anyone what a special girl you have. I will do my best to make her life, and yours, a little easier."

"Thank you," Sophie managed to say.

"You have a good evening, now, Sophie. Please don't hesitate to ring my office with any questions." Elaine then hung up the phone.

Sophie's knees suddenly gave way and she fell to the floor. Noah quickly dropped to his knees as well, looking a little lost at what to do.

"She's autistic," Sophie murmured, shaking her head. "I mean, I already knew it, really ... but ..."

"It's not the same as a shrink confirming it," surmised Noah.

Sophie's lip trembled as she felt like grizzling. She felt like such a terrible person for wishing Maddie was different. Of course, she loved her regardless, ridiculously so, but how she wished Maddie's life would not be so hard. She already had it tough with Sophie as a mum.

"I wish she didn't have it," Sophie confessed, her voice so soft she could barely be heard.

"Of course, you do," replied Noah quietly. "No mom wants her kid's life to be any harder than it already is."

Sophie honestly felt like grieving, as though she was mourning the loss of the future that she had once pictured for Maddie. Her future was now foggy; Sophie couldn't see it clearly, as they were both about to step into an unknown. "I ... I don't think I can go tomorrow," she decided vulnerably.